NEEHU 5 Scene: The Hypno T + a Divney/Ashman Joint

"Whenever you look at the middle of the spiral on my t-shirt, it will seem like the most fascinating thing in the world, and you will find that your eyes get stuck looking at it. You'll lose your train of thought, and all your attention will be drawn to it. With an effort of will, you'll be able to tear your eyes away, but it will take more and more effort the longer you stare at the spiral. Eventually your eyes will just be captured. And once that happens it's only a matter of time before the spiral sends you into a deep trance, as deep or deeper than this one."

After a few repetitions, safety suggestions, and time for her to accept it completely, I snapped my fingers: "Wake up!"

I had a good feeling about this one, because GleefulAbandon and I had already used my t-shirt for an eye fixation induction twice that day, so she had the experience of staring blankly into the spiral on my chest - which is a wonderful, arousing sight from my viewpoint. Best Zazzle purchase ever.

But I underestimated how delightful this would be. We chatted a little bit post trance on the couch, while I kept a cushion over my chest. Then in the middle of her talking I dropped the cushion and she went, "oh." Her eyes widened slightly, and she was clearly stuck. After a few seconds, she went "Ah!" and looked away grinning sheepishly. "Pretty good, right? Look again."

Something I enjoyed immediately was watching her brain go to work on the problem - of course, that same brain that was playing this trick on her. She wanted to experiment, and discovered that if there was a fold in my tshirt she could position her head in such a way that the center of the spiral was invisible, and so she wasn't captured. The same if I just covered the center with the palm of my hand. But then I would straighten the fabric, or take my hand away, and she would be stuck again. I loved watching her go, "I can totally still look away! It's not too bad yet..." and then either breaking away, with great apparent effort, or go, "uh oh, nope, I'm stuck". For a hypnofetishist, those long periods where her eyes were stuck but she wasn't yet hypnotized, but it was now inescapable, and those slow eye blinks and slumping down were coming with time, were just gorgeous.

Part of my inspiration was knowing that GleefulAbandon is someone with a busy, curious mind, so that if she knew she wasn't supposed to look at something, she couldn't help but take a glance to see what it was she wasn't supposed to look at - and get stuck. "This shouldn't be so hard, you can just look me in the face, right?" And then her eyes would flick down, and that would be it.

We had a lot of fun playing with it on that couch. But the best part was the rest of the night in the dungeon, each of us on our separate business. I would stroll past her while she was talking with a group of people, and she would go "Ah shit!" and be stuck looking my t-shirt. Sometimes I would walk on, breaking the spell, and other times I'd stand there and she would be forced to explain to the people around what was happening to her. (I made sure to say to her at a couple of points, let me know if this gets old and I'll turn it off) Some of those people would help, blocking the spiral to snap her out of it, and some would hinder: like when her dom held her arms behind her and forced her to stare until the trance came on (hot), at which point she collapsed forward onto me - the first time I've had to catch someone like that.

So this was a series of lightbulb moments for me: a type of suggestion that works great in a public dungeon, and where other people can play along too. In particular that person's partners. It was the funnest. It was like a Warner Bros cartoon at times: she would be sitting chatting with someone, and I would sneak up and stand where she would see the spiral close up when she turned her head. "Ah shit." I had to get used to talking to her with her head or whole body completely averted, or with her holding her fist in the air to block it.

Later, we were chilling out talking about Howard Ashman - we both love musicals, and Menken/Ashman in particular - while I tried to decide on another fun post-hypnotic suggestion. Suddenly Seymour from Little Shop of Horrors came up, and the line, "He'd snap his fingers and me, I'd say 'sure'!"



And then I had it. I reinducted her and told her that when I snapped my fingers, she'd say "sure". It was great to see someone crack up in trance, even as the suggestion sunk powerfully into her mind.

There was a sort of a startle, or indignance, each time she found "sure" popping out of her mouth, that I enjoyed each time. Highlights included people trying to figure out what was happening ("Is she saying 'shore'?"), her attempting to explain the song reference while I snapped throughout ("He'd snap his - sure - fingers - sure - and me I'd say - sure - sure. Ah!") and combining it with her exasperatedly getting captivated by the spiral: "You're having fun, right?" <snap> "Sure."

There were other great hypnotic experiences at NEEHU, but I wanted to get this one with GleefulAbandon down first and in detail, because of how it points the way to future hypnosis I want to do: themes of struggle with the self, games, and public stuff that is fun for others too. Really happy we made this connection.

NEEHU 5: People and Place

I'm still buzzing from the New England Erotic Hypnosis Unconference. Fears that I might not make new friends or have any hot scenes were unfounded. Will write individual blog posts about some of the scenes, but I wanted to say a little about the environment and the people - the kinds of things I would have been curious about as a lonely hypnofetishist in Canada, not knowing I would ever connect with so many others of my kind.

NEEHU 5 had about 150 people, which means I have no doubt that it was the biggest gathering of hypnokinksters in history, anywhere in the world. If Deepmind Darkwood was the valley of the hypnokinksters, this was the home planet. Deepmind Darkwood really did do its job though, of giving the attendees a bond in a short period of time, just like we had been to summer camp together. So I felt a sense of real joy at being reunited with MrDream, ZanyM, Lee Allure, GleefulAbandon, Chewtoy, mephki, Lady Ru'etha and the rest. Then there was the chance to get to know awesome people who I only really knew, and admired, from their blogs: Spiral_Turquoise, HS, AmHypnotic, and Ms_Mesmer. Along with my Boston buddies and more great new people, it meant that for the first time I had that warm con togetherness feeling that I have heard friends report who have a regular science fiction convention or ren fair they go back to every year.

I want to paint a picture of the physical environment. This was my first time in a dungeon (something that is not allowed to exist in Massachussetts), and it was really not so far off from my imagination - it was nice touch that many walls were painted in faux-stone! It had obviously been a crummy office space in a warehouse district, where many of the walls had been taken out, the windows covered, and many wonderful devices and comforts brought in. With the lights on, the effect was a little like the afterschool teen clubhouse I remember from my youth, what with the couches and linoleum. But with many more wooden contraptions with straps coming out of them. It was a constant source of pleasurable vertigo to sit in a class looking idly up at the drop panel ceiling with the fluorescent lights and small water stains, to look down at the giant St Andrew's cross the presenter was standing next to, and remind myself he or she is talking about erotic hypnosis.

Those pleasant dissonances abounded, like the awarding of lovely printed certificates of appreciation with names like DrHeadcrash and DirtyOldMan65 on them, or the well-lit bag room with riding crops all in a row, or the christian rock band rehearsal coming through the ceiling at a couple of points. I'm really in a sex dungeon! I would tell myself. And it is comfortable and fun! There were plenty of rooms with quiet corners to trance in (often filled with people trancing!), a giant chain spider web, and a coffin (love that!). But even more of what made it comfortable was due to the organizers' terrific efforts, with snacks always around and a little blanket fort area for chilling out.

Nearly every class slot I would experience physical pain about not being able to be in two places at once, and I still grieve many of the classes I gave up to the gods of multi-track programming. But the real con was in the hangout and the people: the hypnotist who came all the way from Ireland and talked about blending traditional storytelling with hypnosis; the 21 year old pro hypnodomme who excitedly showed us the art for her new "epic fantasy" recordings; the equally painfully young dapper gent in a villainous goatee and grin who told me the most nightmarish ideas for hypnotic suggestions I've ever heard (which delight his masochist partners); another hypnodomme who had started it as an additional stream of income after retirement (but 21 years of recreational hypnosis), and was just now joining the kink scene; the West Virginian couple figuring out how to work with the wife's love of getting powerful hypnotic orgasms from people over the internet; the gentle, nerdy fellow in a long term loving relationship who's singlehandedly written most of the evil, hot, top quality mc porn that's out there. There's a theme that kept emerging, of love and affection, as much as sex.

Not that it wasn't sexy. Hot people in various states of undress, hot trances, plenty of visions of people writhing and moaning in a hypnotist's arms as he or she whispered in their ear... and then there were truly wild sights like the trance based on Doctor Who's Weeping Angels, which has already received a great writeup. (So many Doctor Who references that weekend...)

That's a start, anyway, on three days that changed my life. Now that I've been turned on to Hypbook, and have so many more hypnokinkster friends on FL keeping my feed active, the end of it was not such a sudden shock. But I'm sad thinking about how I'll be leaving soon, with my return to NEEHU uncertain, and so I have to make this charge last.

Forgetting Can be Fun (A Hypnotic Amnesia Session)

Hypnotic amnesia has been a fascination of mine for a while. There's such potential for twisted D/s games with enthusiastically consenting partners: check out hypnotic bingo and "You did nothing!"  for playful, advanced examples. There are a lot of negative associations with forgetting, so it's good to think about about the many ways it's natural, helpful and fun:

• Letting go of boring, irrelevant test material immediately after the test.
• Forgetting spoilers someone told you about a movie or TV series.
• Forgetting someone's PIN or other private info right after you accidentally saw it.
• Dreams fading so they don't get tangled up with your waking memories
• Forgetting that your roommate was making muffins, and being surprised by them on the kitchen table when you get home.
• Wiping an important task from your mind when you hand it off to a trustworthy  helper (which might be an automated helper, like a calendar alert)
• Getting a package that you forgot you ordered online, and being excited to open it and find out what you got yourself!

Part of why I brainstormed this list was because I think reminding the unconscious mind how enjoyable forgetting can be, can help it to happen in .

Hypothetically, being able to induce amnesia in your partner has horrific abuse potential. Without permission, it would be a severe violation of agency. And it broke up Willow and Tara! There are two things that temper this in hypnosis, though, based on my reading and limited observation. First, it's inconsistent in how well it works. Second, it tends to wear off over time. I would hope, but don't know for sure, that both are more true for things that happen that are emotionally charged, like crossing a boundary. All of these mean that such a violation could not be counted upon to stay hidden.

Nevertheless, this is a very high trust activity. I had been doing sexy hypnosis with this particular partner for almost four months before I even brought up the idea. We had a serious talk about it first, and we agreed I would stay within the bounds of things we had done before, and I would make sure all memory was restored by the time she left.

The type of amnesia I wanted to explore I'll call "session amnesia". There's another type, that I'll call "knowledge amnesia", in which you have people forget specific bits of knowledge, such as their name. This creeps me out a little: the symbolic value of obliterating someone's name, even temporarily, seems intense, not something to mess with without a solid emotional foundation to the relationship. I have also had two people tell me they very much don't like knowledge amnesia - one because she's experienced unpleasant forgetfulness side effects from medication.

In session amnesia, you forget some or all of what happened during the hypnotic trances. Unlike in fictional portrayals, most people remember most of what happens in every trance, even if it's a bit jumbled. But you can specifically suggest otherwise. This has lovely potential when combined with post-hypnotic suggestions, in terms of power exchange. Imagine coming out of trance and knowing that a suggestion is there waiting to be activated, but you don't know what it is. Or that your perception has been altered in some way that you can't quite tell yet. It most definitely fits into the category of "eerie control". To quote a 15 year old movie, this sort of thing is my bag, baby!

The first suggestion I had in mind was that the next time I asked her to recite the alphabet, she would get sleepier and sleepier with each letter, until she fell back into trance. I said she probably wouldn't make it much past the letter "N". Because I wanted to give it the best possible chance of working, I piled on as many techniques as I could from threads like this:

• I used the language that the post-hypnotic suggestion would slip away from her conscious mind, but that her unconscious mind could take care of it and activate it when the time was right.
• I reminded her of some of the nice versions of forgetting from the list above (taking my inspiring from the Erickson book)
• I did other activities during the same trance after giving the post-hypnotic suggestion, such as hand levitation, and evoking sexy sensations.
• I had distracting questions ready for immediately after she woke up, to help prevent consolidation of the memory. Which I didn't use, because when I counted her up she leaned forward and we started making out. My reaction was, that works!

A bit after she woke up, I asked her to say the alphabet, which she had a puzzled reaction to. A great sign! If she had remembered the suggestion, she would have smirked. She looked at me warily, and started briskly reciting the letters. Nothing was happening. She got to "R", and I was trying to think about my next move, when I saw her eyelids droop just a little, and she hesitated. Then her body slumped back onto the chair dramatically, eyes closed, in a trance.

She told me later that she had not remembered the suggestion, until partway through the alphabet. The sleepiness had snuck up on her, and then she had realized, "Oh, I can go into trance." This was a revelation, because I realized this is what would happen if you genuinely didn't know what was happening to you: the sleepiness would be a distraction that you would push aside to get through the task, until it got too strong to ignore.

My favourite part, though, was when she told me that when I asked her to recite the alphabet, she wondered if I had made her forget some of the letters of the alphabet (despite saying that I was only going to do session amnesia). That's wonderful: that meant her mind was going all over the place trying to figure out what I'd done. I realized that I could now point out anything she did, and make her wonder if it was because of a post-hypnotic suggestion I'd given her. That's a mindfuck!

The amnesia I was going for was for the memory to not be firmly grasped by the conscious mind in the first place, which may be what HS refers to as "memory failure" in his classification. This is in contrast to techniques suggested by Wiseguy and others, where the unconscious is instructed to hide a memory away, put it behind a barrier, or otherwise make it inaccessible. For my first time out I just thought this seemed like a better bet, by analogy to dreams sliding away upon awakening, and also because it doesn't put direct attention on the thing to be forgotten, which it seems to me could be counterproductive.

We did another trance and another forgotten post-hypnotic suggestion, this time of a sexual nature and triggered by drinking from her water glass. This was perhaps not so smart as a test, because as she pointed out, she was thirsty anyway, and that activity was definitely already on the menu for the evening. But she didn't remember the suggestion!

Before we parted ways I checked that she remembered everything, and assured her that *was* everything. I wanted her to know that even though I might joke about it, at the end she would know exactly what suggestions I had given her.

I will be at NEEHU starting tomorrow (!!!), and there's a memory play class (along with everything else under the sun), so I'm sure my thinking will evolve dramatically. But I'm glad I got a taste of how fun this kind of play can be.

10 Reasons I Don't Like the Checklist Approach to Negotiation

1. It makes me think of filling out forms at the doctor's office.

2. Every item could require infinite expansion and exploration. If the item is about hypnotic amnesia, you would have to figure out whether some kinds are ok and some aren't, of those kinds are there ways of doing them they do and don't like, etc. This stuff is fractal, and there are always going to be important questions that are left off.

3. Inevitably most of the items aren't going to apply to this particular situation.

4. Likely some terminology will have to be explained, especially for newer people. While potentially interesting, it's a shame to take the time for an item that isn't directly relevant, and it's also a different vibe than negotiation should have I think, to get sidetracked into an intellectual discussion of BDSM terms.

5. It makes me think of 50 Shades of Grey.

6. Items on the list could bring up unpleasant or triggering associations, unnecessarily. There was a good writing about this recently, which I can't find, called "Limits are Weird". The author writes how going over all the things she has an objection to would end up with her curled up in a ball in the corner - not a good mood for play (well most types anyway). To take an example from 50 Shades of Grey (ugh), part of the contract discusses "acts involving needles, knives, cutting, piercing, or blood", and "gynecological medical instruments", both things that are the opposite of sexy for some people. In the hypnosis community we know how sticky words and images can be for the unconscious mind. Why activate these concepts at all if it's not for a particular scene?

7. Checking a box could give the bottom a sense of having committed to a particular act, and so might feel some pressure not to change their mind. It could also give the top a way to dispute a bottom's statement of a boundary violation based on the wording of an item on the list.

8. It could give an inadvertent subtextual message that the bottom is just one on a long conveyor belt of play partners, so much so that the negotiation needs to be automated.

9. You actually need to have it on hand when you play for it to work as a checklist, ideally printed out so that you can physically check things off.

10. Especially if it's very long, I can't see people keeping up the use of it. I mean as checklists, going over every item and making a decision for each. Our negotiation ideals should be things we can reasonably do in practice.

I think the work that Professor-X and colleagues are doing in developing erotic hypnosis consent checklists (as well as other such projects, including one by NEHG members) is incredibly important. These are critical jumping off points for discussion, and give us a sweeping overview of the whole consent terrain. They highlight the many things that absolutely need to be negotiated. Every top, and probably every bottom, should have some version of these lists in their head.

But as someone who is very much in the learning category, I don't believe that checklists can substitute for building my consent skills and knowledge, nor can they protect me from messing up. There's an art to negotiation (in the BDSM sense) that requires experience, and in particular really getting to know your partner, through multiple conversations and through ramping up the play gradually. And my guess would be that what good negotiation looks like in practice is not giving your partner a huge battery of questions at the top, but rather specific tailored questions, at the right junctions.

Therefore the only checklist I plan to use in practice is my 5 item pre-flight checklist, which only helps to avoid obvious bloopers (like forgetting to go to the bathroom before trancing). But I will be reading those BDSM and erotic hypnosis checklists over and over, and trying to internalize their ideas as much as possible.

Highlights of My Winter Flea

Everyone's 2014 Winter Fetish Fair Fleamarket was totally different. Just for starters, there were often *seven* simultaneous classes, all with tantalizing topics (including things you might never have thought of, like balloon bondage!)

But of course the real Flea happens outside the classes. This year I skipped the saturday night ball, barely went to the vendors, and didn't really meet a ton of new people, but it was a total blast and I felt like I used my time well. This is still the only giant kink event I've been to - my first time was just the Saturday last year, and thank god for that warmup - so I don't have much to compare it to, but I completely see how people can build their year around it. I'm so grateful to the hard working volunteers at the New England Leather Alliance for making this happen.

The highlights of my personal Flea:

* Meeting the nice and interesting people who stopped by the New England Hypnosis Group community table, and both teaching and learning bits of info about erotic hypnosis with them.

* An unexpected one: the shuttle rides between the overflow hotel and the con, which I had worried would be a drag. It worked, the drivers were fun, and it was great for chatting with people. On our first trip, PhotoJoseph and I met the first transgender person to serve on the front lines in Afghanistan! She had an outfit with a nifty militaristic flair, which went well with her military posture.

* On another shuttle ride, I chatted with a couple in their 70s, who had gone to their first Flea 15 years ago. "That was a real eye opener!" I asked them how the Flea had changed over the years. They noted that they didn't see much in the way of bears like they used to, specifically large populations of men in very skimpy leather loincloths. There used to be a Mr and Mrs Leather award ceremony. They said the crowd was a bit younger and nerdier, which they found to be a positive. After a little thought, the woman said, "Oh, and steampunk! That's new."

* 6 solid hours of erotic hypnosis classes! (Out of a potential 12 hours!!) On saturday I started at 9 am and the last one was at 9:45 pm. Heaven!

* Watching a middle aged ponyboy elegantly pulling a carriage through the community tables area, with a woman in cat ears riding high like a duchess.

* Getting habituated to the carriage after they trotted by a few times, only taking notice again when the woman gave a lift to another woman rocking PJs and a pacifier, riding on her lap.

* Seeing all the various interpretations of kink wear, from Comic-con worthy costumes including wings and fangs, to streetwear with just a touch of subversion. I truly could not summarize how people dressed. Although I can say that cat ears were really, really popular.

* A million versions of gender bending and gender fucking. Even I with my fairly settled, privileged identity felt a distinct sense of relief and freedom.

* Using exclusively all-gender bathrooms at the actual con, making me reflect on how traditional segregated bathrooms are sort of propaganda for the binary, and are probably a minor manifestation of rape culture.

* Meeting other hypnokinksters from outside Boston. In particular, the fierce young consent warriors and hypno researchers from what may be, very improbably, the recreational hypnosis capital of the world: a small liberal arts college in Western Mass. Hope to report more about them soon!

* Doing a trance after midnight, in a hotel meeting room that was set up as a board room.

* Meeting the sexy Rocky Horror Picture Show shadow cast.

* Getting into Midori's humiliation class just under the wire, and experiencing the charisma of that superstar presenter. The message was simple: for erotic humiliation, you figure out what are the "load bearing pillars" in someone's sense of self, and then knock out ones that are not those, like say their gender expression - which can help them to feel the strength of those core pillars (but you still put those non-load-bearing ones back at the end). But the way it was presented, including an intense and sexy mini-scene, was unforgettable.

* Making time for a hot hypno scene in between two classes, that we could only pull off in a hotel room.

* My friend talking me into letting her suspend me from a luggage cart - my first rope suspension ever. Getting mocked for singing under my breath during the tying, specifically "How Do You Know" from the Enchanted soundtrack. It was stuck in my head!

* Seeing a bunch of my Boston friends outside of their customary setting, dressed to the nines and at play. (even if sometimes stressed out) When it comes to the con experience, friends make all the difference in the world.

Hypnosis Without Respect for Agency

Recently, I had an experience of an erotic hypnosis class I found very disturbing.

The theme of the presentation was long term hypnotic Dominance/submission relationships. It turned out that the whole first half was focused on initiating these D/s relationships - framed as making someone into your hypno sub. Right away the language hit me as predatory: describing techniques as "weapons in your arsenal", recounting the story of the young bull and the old bull without seeming to recognize it refers to rape, bringing out this standby that I heard from him last year, and, most creepily, referring throughout to the person being targetting as "your intended" (he even did the joke of saying "your victi- I mean...").

He gave advice on how to select your intended, like taking the time to get to know them and make sure they're not "crazy".

Then he gave step by step instructions for using hypnotic suggestions and suggestive language to get the person to the point where they are ready to submit to you. Here he emphasized the need for patience, and used the metaphor of the frog boiling in the pot.

Later, in a part that bothered me even more, he talked about how he had used a series of post-hypnotic suggestions to change his long-term partner's mind about doing erotic hypnosis with him, when she hadn't been interested in it before. He was careful to say that was the only part of her personality he changed, that he liked all the rest of it just as it was. When he was asked if he had had her permission to change her personality, his answer was, Well, she's happy with it now!

Retroactive consent - and not the only time he cited it. Pretty indicative of the shaky grasp of consent and coercion overall in this class. He would emphasize that his "intendeds" could withdraw at any stage of the process, and often did - and then would seamlessly shift to bragging about how irresistable his techniques are ("This is an atom bomb").

But there was a deeper problem than lack of understanding of consent, which was a lack of respect for agency. This post about hypnotic ethics proposes the right to agency as one of the two key rights of hypnotees (along with honesty):

Simply put agency is the capacity to choose (and therefore act) independently. While we are restricted in our actions by our environment, we should do our best to ensure that each partner in an intimate relationship is able to act on their own behalf, to make choices, and to be both respected and responsible for those choices.

So consent generally requires agency (i.e. you cannot gain consent from someone who is not making their own choices).

In hypnotism, we play around with the idea of taking agency away, but that is a fantasy.

This presentation was all from the viewpoint of doing things to someone. How to get them to do what you want.

It's not like lack of respect for agency, especially of young women, is exactly rare in the broader world - I'm thinking of things like the slimier pick-up artist materials, i.e. about 99% of them. Then there are the terrible role models in hypnosis, from stage hypnosis shows to paternalistic, ethically-challenged psychologists like Sigmund Freud and Milton Erickson.

But in the kink community, we can't pretend it's ok. A central principle for us is that both parties are active agents, and both viewpoints are equally important. Even if one party is the submissive. If we don't reject and stigmatize the idea of hypnotizing people without permission, of using sneaky language patterns, of trying to alter someone's personality without extensive negotiation, hypnotists deserve to have a rotten, creepy reputation in the kink scene.

In the second half, he introduced a long term partner (not the same one) who is in an intense D/s relationship with him. She was very charming and grounded, and the relationship had obviously been a positive one for her. This part had some valuable tips about the care and maintenance of such a relationship.

The presenter has a pleasant and disarming manner, and I recognized that he was taking a risk in exposing this part of himself. But that pleasantness made it all the more unsettling as the class ended and the feeling of grossness surfaced fully. I looked over at my friends, who also had an air of "did we just see that?" Another friend who had left partway through told me later she was "experiencing something similar to a panic attack", she was so upset. She was one of a number of walkouts.

But I'm more worried about the people who stayed, and laughed at all the right places. I saw people writing down his language patterns word for word. Concern about predators is far from abstract for me: at least four of my friends have been harmed by abusive doms who exploited my friends' interest in hypnosis. If nothing else, this class was incredibly insensitive to that reality. I'll bet some of these tactics would have hit too close to home.

When I brought it up afterwards, how he had neatly packaged hypnosis as another tool in a manipulator's hypothetical toolkit, the presenter said "This stuff is out there. If they learn it from me, at least they'll get the ethics along with it." I didn't like that answer.

--

There's a lot more to think about with this, but I had to get it off my chest. The worst part is feeling like my fantasy life, which certainly is wrapped up in D/s-flavoured hypnosis, has been tainted - hopefully that will wear off soon. I would like to hear about other people's experience of the class, and whether the same things bothered them.

All Glory to the HypnoCake

This is a hypnotic cake, baked for me by my amazing baker roommate for my birthday. A double-layer, chocolate with raspberry-butter-cream-filling cake. That I used to hypnotize someone. This may be a historic first: the first ever hypnosis-by-pastry.

I planned my birthday as a low-key hangout with a light hypno kink theme: I put eye-swimming optical illusions around as decoration, and played another one of my birthday gifts, Hypnoprism by Momus. I also did some hypnosis. There another notable occurrence that I will certainly write about in another entry, but now the cake.

Cassi came to my party, and agreed to gaze into the spiral. We snuck away from where most people were gathered, in the living room, and she sat at the kitchen table. She put her elbows on the table, and looked across at the cake. I started spinning the rotating cake stand (kindly supplied by another guest) and started my patter. Very quickly her eyes started to blink and her head to droop. I had been worried about the loud sound of the cake stand as it turned, but she later said that was what really helped her go into trance! I found myself including more and more cake-based language in my induction: "imagine yourself sinking into the thick, dark chocolateyness..." Did I mention that the spiral on top is a layer of actual white and dark chocolate?

I brought her up after a little bit. She said that she had felt like she was eating the cake! Not with her mouth, but I guess on a deeper level? In any case, after a couple of people had taken camera video of it, we set about to eat it in a non-hypnotic way. And it was amazing. First, though, a room full of people sang Happy Birthday to me in tranced-out voices. (a delightful idea from another one of my friends who was there!) Even more so because most of them weren't hypnokinksters, it made me feel very accepted and cared for.

This has been such a home to me. I like these people so much, and I'm not even close to being done with Boston. And yet I have to leave, to travel so far away, in less than two months. That's going to be a life-changing adventure in its own way, but still:

"Would You Like Some Hypnosis with Your Rope?"

I recently had a chance to combine hypnosis with rope bondage, and it went great. I was spending the afternoon with a few friends in a casual, kink-friendly setting, and I was talking with the couple that was there, who are in a D/s relationship that involves a certain amount of rope. They also enjoy hypnosis, and we decided to do a scene where I would be co-topping with the dom: I with the hypnosis, and the dom with the rope.

First, I hypnotized the sub, using the wonderful kinaesthetic induction I learned at Deepmind Darkwood. Then I gave her a post-hypnotic suggestion that she would sink into trance as her dom tied her up: the more rope she felt on her body, the more entranced she would become.

It took quite a bit of discussion to decide on the tie, a simple rope harness with arms in front, since it had to be something that she could let her body go limp in and stay safe - besides falling over, there was the risk for cutting off circulation or other such rope problems, which a hypnotized person might not be as good at noticing or reporting on (this is probably the biggest hurdle for combining hypnosis and rope).

It was a real treat to watch the sub close her eyes and slump as her dom sensuously pulled the rope around her, while kneeling behind. Then when the tie was done, they told her to open her eyes and stand up, and she had a deliciously sleepy stare. We brought her up quickly after that, because we were eager to hear about the experience. She said that one of the most pleasurable aspects, that helped her to go into trance, was the vibration of the hemp rope sliding against itself. If there was anything that was different than I envisioned, it was that she went into trance almost immediately when the rope first touched her (she confirmed that the rest of the tying had only deepened her a little) - but this is just a testament to this person's talent for going into trance.

I'm eager to explore the combination of rope bondage and hypnosis further, since rope bondage is extremely popular in my subcommunity in Boston. So this is a way that I can combine my favourite type of play with a type of play people already know they like. Also, my rope skills probably won't go far beyond the low plateau they are at now, but they can be more interesting with hypnotic enhancement. Plus it felt like a natural and low-key way to participate in a scene between two other people, e.g. a skilled rope top and their partner, with me also getting my hypno kicks.

There are plenty of different possibilities for combining them. At the hypno munch on Saturday, @PhotoJoseph told us about his favourite approach, not so different from what I did, in that he uses a tie as an induction. He links tying a single column tie on someone's wrist to going into trance, and then simply ties and unties it, creating a deeper trance via a process of fractionation. There's a powerful overlap between "rope space" and trance (not to mention subspace), although I certainly don't know enough about it to explain exactly what. The bottom from the scene I described above said that she experiences something not unlike trance when she comes into any contage with bondage rope.

There is also rope bondage that is purely in the mind, which has given me excellent results. People who are used to being tied up are often good at reproducing those sensations, and also the feeling of helplessness. Wiseguy has a good script for that in Mind Play. One of the nice things about it is that price or availability is no object when it comes to the material: silk, coconut, gold chains, etc. In fact it doesn't have to be cords either, since in the realm of hypnosis someone can just as easily be restrained by magnets, superglue, teams of keebler elves, or anything else you can imagine. However for people who love the feel of rope, nothing can compare, and even someone with limited rope skills can have fun tracing lines of rope all over someone's body with their finger, perhaps pressing to indicate where a knot is placed.

It should also be possible to modify the way real rope feels with suggestions: make it warm up, make it tingle, make it pulsate.

I think it would be too dangerous to put someone who was in a rope suspension into a trance, for more than a few seconds anyway. However, suspensions are huge in my friend group, so I'm going to keep thinking about other ways it could be enhanced or evoked with hypnosis.

Finally, one idea I had is that it might be weird and funny to hypnotize someone to believe they weren't tied up. When it's pointed out that they can't move their arms, they might insist they just don't want to at the moment, or are too tired. A variation would be to forget they've been tied, and gradually realize all their movement restrictions.

This is just a sweep across the surface. Almost all of these approaches are combined in this gorgeous scene log by someone who is, I think, the most talented writer about the hypnobottom experience out there, @sleepingirl. (also where the title of this entry comes from) That's @mephki as the top, with @OneEyeStranger assisting - by the way, how happy am I that I have now met all three people in person! Anyway, one day I would love to be able to create an experience incorporating both rope and hypnosis that is that seamless and that powerful.
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Good things are already coming out of having written this, in particular @Guilty pointing me to this incredibly cool-looking short book, HYPNOBARI (like hyno and shibari)! Really looking forward to reading it. 

Ms. Mesmer's 10(+) Sexy as Hell Days of Hypnosis

Someone named Ms. Mesmer has been killing it on her hypnokink blog lately, especially starting with Day Five of her "Ten Day Journey to Getting My Kinkified Groove Back." From that entry on she describes working with a number of different hypnotists online, most of them known to me, and the very hot, very D/s-flavoured erotic trances they guided her through.

Together they're a great first-hand introduction to the fun that can be had even over Skype, and the wild and sexy things that are possible for the hypnotized mind, from bimbofication to hypnotic bondage to trying to resist a brainwashing machine. (That last is a perfect example of the "hypnosis + story" variety of roleplay I learned about this week.) It's a joy to read about a true hypnofetishist getting her wishes fulfilled, and explosively reconnecting with a neglected side of her pleasure-seeking self.

Hypnosis for Roleplay (Boston Hypnosis Study Group)

This month's hypnosis study group was a must for me, since it was a presentation by a couple who have developed a fascinating use for hypnosis: to enhance long term sexual roleplay scenarios. They had really prepared for it too, with a powerpoint slideshow and various planned activities. So we had two bespectacled engineers tag-team-presenting heavily bullet-pointed slides, clicking through them with a remote. But in contrast to the usual talks I see, the content was about fun sex games you can play. One of those moments of incongruity that make me smile.

(on a related note, have been amused by how my life exploring kink and going to secret sex parties has turned out to involve plenty of Excel, Word, and now powerpoint... really the whole office suite... not to mention e-invites and updating Wordpress pages. Lots of work that is essentially identical to running a college club.)

As someone with no familiarity with LARPing or online roleplay, they really got me hooked by talking about the similarities between hypnosis and roleplay. They both need active and willing participants. So they both involve adults committing to unusual scenarios, and not getting too self conscious. Here as in many areas of kink, you realize that sidestepping the impulse to laugh at a practice not only lets you relate to the practitioners better, but also allows the possibility of it expanding your own life and repertoire.

Also like hypnosis, roleplay requires plenty of clarity of communication, and negotiation. The fantasy is that it just happens, but in reality there needs to be plenty of talking and outlining.

So how can hypnosis and roleplay enhance each other? The presenters gave us three ways:

1. Hypnosis + story. Providing some context for the hypnosis that takes it out of the ordinary, like you are an evil hypnotist who is going to bend the mind of your tied-up captive. One neat thing they point out is that all the things the books say hypnosis can't do - hypnotize someone against their will, make them do  something they don't want to do, be "stuck" in a trance - you can pretend are happening through (negotiated) roleplay, if those scenarios turn you on.

2. Roleplay with hypnotic assistance. Taking a sexy roleplay scenario - like cop and person who's been pulled over, or say two dark elves having a nude wrestling match in a glade - and using hypnosis to make it seem more real, and help people get into character. It can also provide "special effects", like a potion that really does make you sleepy when the wizard forces you to drink it.

3. Immersive hypno environment. This one took me a little while to understand, but I think what they meant is that the hypnotist creates a complete interactive environment for the hypnotee, much like a dungeon master (of the dungeons and dragons, not the play party, variety). So while the hypnotee sits in a chair with their eyes closed, the hypnotist invokes sensory imagery and perhaps portrays different characters, and the hypnotee makes choices and interacts with the world. This takes plenty of preparation, just like an RPG campaign, and can be enhanced with actual sensory stimulation, like sound effects, giving the entranced person an object to hold, or for instance holding fresh meadow dryer sheets in front of their face if they're supposed to be in a meadow.

The couple giving the presentation are into the latter, and have elaborated some of their scenarios for *years*, with dozens of characters and complex evolving relationships. They are both heavily invested in stories, especially of the fantasy/science fiction type, and in exploring alternate possible worlds, like one where mind control powers are ubiquitous, and complicate sex and class and gender accordingly.

So this is where we tried to get them to tell us more about their long term fantasy play, or what they called "shared headcannon", which caused plenty of blushing and assurances they didn't want to make our ears bleed. Of course, this is perfectly reasonable, since it is such a private and intimate thing for them (while one of them has written many of their scenes out as stories, the stories are never shared with anyone but the two of them).

I did ask, how much are you motivated by cool story ideas and worldbuilding, and how much by working backwards from some hot sexual scenario? And the answer was 1000% cool story ideas and worldbuilding. And then they try and work sex in somewhere. Very cute.

Our imaginations were definitely stimulated by the props they passed around, such as a beeping metronome that can double as a fake heart monitor (slowing it down will actually relax the person), and a bottle of "mind control pills", that they had made a delightful custom Rx label for.

Some more tips from the session:

• Planning involves "roadmapping": agreeing on a simple plot together, along with key details.
• "No god mode": you don't get to control what the other person chooses to do - unless that's part of the scenario.
• In addition to the regular kink scene safewords, you can have a "break character" safeword. A common one in the world of LARPing is apparently putting your fist to the side of your forehead.
• If you're having trouble getting into the headspace for in-person roleplay, try going into different rooms and starting with online chat roleplay, if that's what you're comfortable with. (by the way, delighted that MUDs are still in use for such roleplay! Got to love technology that I knew at the dawn of the internet still being perverted.)
• There is no copyright in private sex play, so you can exploit whatever fandoms you love.

Obviously I can't capture it all, from a fun example they elaborated of a "hypnotic face slap" storyline (my favourite variation of which involved the phrase, "Sir, you have offended my hypno-honour!"), to brainstorming roleplay scenarios, to the repeated invocation of "sex jail".

The evening ended up being something like 4 1/2 hours, which is long even for a hard core hypno enthusiast like myself, but I was so glad the presenters shared their unique type of play. It's opened up my imagination to new kinds of fun that can be had, when the hypnotist evokes not just thoughts and sensations, but character, environment, and even the surrounding society (I pictured a super-repressed THX 1138 society, where any kind of sex is an incredible act of deviance!) At one point one said that roleplay activates some percentage of your imagination, and hypnosis some percentage as well, so that together they can make the most use of your imagination possible.

Milton Erickson: Would You Shake this Man's Hand?

Milton Erickson invented a special hypnotic handshake. He describes the beginning like this:

The letting loose becomes transformed from a firm grip into a gentle touch by the thumb, a lingering drawing away of the little finger, a faint brushing of the subject's hand with the middle finger - just enough vague sensation to attract the attention. As the subject gives attention to the touch of your thumb, you shift to a touch with your little finger. As your subject's attention follows that, you shift to a touch with your middle finger and then again to the thumb.

After more mysterious steps, the other person's hand is left suspended in mid air, and they are paralyzed in general, occasionally being guided to other phenomena. And it doesn't take much reading between the lines to see that the person shaking his hand usually didn't exactly agree to be hypnotized by him. Erickson notes in passing:

There are several colleagues who won't shake hands with me, unless I reassure them first, because they developed a profound glove anaesthesia when I used this procedure on them.

Running into Erickson, in the faculty lounge say, how keen would you be to accept his friendly handshake offer?

Milton Erickson was a clinical psychologist who died in 1980, having enormously influenced psychiatry, psychology, and the understanding of hypnosis. His hypnotic handshake is symbolic of both sides of Erickson that I got from reading his book, Hypnotic Realities (1976): Erickson had eerie insight into the workings of the human unconscious, and he sometimes used it in ways that are disrespectful of people's autonomy.

Hypnotic Realities is an extraordinary book. It was recommended to me by MrDream, and I can see why it might be the best way to encounter Erickson: rather than glowing stories of patient cures and his outsized personality, most of the content is transcripts of actual hypnotic sessions by Erickson, integrated with detailed discussions and deconstructions, sometimes literally line by line, by Erickson and his colleague Ernest Rossi. Even without Erickson's striking manner of speaking and personal aura, I could feel the power of some of his formulations:

Now physical comfort exists, but your don't even need to pay attention to your relaxation and comfort.

Please let me know when that feeling of warmth develops in your hand.

Do you think you're awake?

Something has happened to your left hand.

Now the important achievement for you is to realize that everybody does not know their capacities. (pause) And you have to discover these capacities in whatever slow way you wish.

Eveyrone has had the experience of nodding their head "yes" or shaking it "no" even without quite realizing it.

That's a little taste of Ericksonian language, although they're even more compelling in the flow of the transcribed session. You notice that the language could not be more different than a stage hypnotist, and in fact the flow is utterly different too: there is often nothing that resembles a traditional induction - he just talks for a while - and trances most often take their own course, gently nudged along by his masterful indirect suggestions. As one example, he will encourage visual hallucination, without telling the hypnotee what to hallucinate. So what they report afterwards is a complete surprise to him.

If there's any hypnotist in history that today's recreational hypnotists can name and explicitly claim as an influence, it's Erickson. My understanding is that he made at least two enormous contributions:

1. He argued that depth of trance and suggestibility are not the same thing. Someone can be completely zonked, and not respond to a particular suggestion for a whole variety of reasons. And someone could respond well to a well crafted suggestion even when not really in a trance. The important thing is knowing how to speak to the unconscious mind.
2. He discovered how to talk to the unconscious mind. A huge host of principles and tactics and even bits of phrases that hypnotists use today can be traced back to him: truisms, leading questions, double binds, and many others. (which  also formed the foundation of NLP, I believe)

I had heard of Erickson, originally from a section in Wiseguy's book that didn't clarify much, but I first started to get an idea of what he was about when MrDream used one of his techniques on me at Deepmind Darkwood, when I was not in a trance. (with my consent) He simply sat across from me and began with, "Which of your feet feels more stuck to the ground?" Then when, after a few more words, he told me my feet were free, I felt like they really had been stuck! The opening is what Erickson called a double bind, and appears in this book almost word for word.

I'm so excited about this book. It's answering so many of my questions. For example, how to achieve good results with people who aren't particularly suggestible. Well unlike stage hypnotists, Erickson set himself to hypnotize everyone who wanted to be (and some who didn't). And direct suggestions don't work for everyone. So he comes at the hypnotee from the side, making statements that seem innocuous to the conscious mind while they have the intended effects on the unconscious: "Suggestions are statements that the patient cannot possibly argue with." There's a recognition that hypnotees are different in infinite ways, and that the hypnotists must take a great deal of trouble to attend to every microreaction and tune in, since "hypnotic suggestions are effective only to the degree that they can activate, block, or alter the functioning of natural mental mechanisms and associations already existing within the patient."

Since Erickson is already an important teacher for me, it's important to examine what kind of attitudes I might inadvertently absorb along with the technique. Erickson was potentially more dangerous than the proverbial ethically-challenged online hypnotist douche for one reason: his shit worked.

I have to say, though, that he doesn't come across as the patriarchal nightmare I was expecting from my glancing knowledge of other oldschool psychologists. It helps that his actual therapeutic approach is based on the idea that the therapist doesn't necessarily know better than the patient what they need, and that the therapist's role, whether using hypnosis or not, is to help them break themselves out of self-defeating patterns they're stuck in, or "depotentiating habitual frames of reference" (got to love the jargon). So that calls for playful, open-ended trances, with the hypnotee doing much of the guiding. Not much room for therapist as god, or anything like the power imbalance of the stage or fictional hypnotist.

But as might be expected from someone who goes around giving non-consensual hypnotic handshakes, there are a few things even in this book that were red flags to me. He loves to initiate trances and amnesia without warning or discussion, including one instance of inducing amnesia for an educational hypnotic session he did with a fellow psychologist when it was in fact against her wishes. He simply decided it would be better if her unconscious, rather than her conscious mind, worked away at the lessons. In another case, he gives a hypnotee the sensation of being topless, without it having been discussed, or any kind of sexiness being established between them. It's notable that every one of the five or six hypnotees is a woman.

The situation gets worse with his wikipedia page (which shows clear signs of ideological editing warfare), as in his own case report:

"Now you need to know how to undress and go to bed in the presence of a man. So start undressing." Slowly, in an almost automatic fashion, she undressed. I had her show me her right breast, her left breast, her right nipple, her left nipple. Her belly button. Her genital area. Her knees. Her gluteal [buttock] regions. I asked her to point where she would like to have her husband kiss her. I had her turn around [naked]. I had her dress slowly. She dressed. I dismissed her.

This and other anecdotes hint that he might have been a stealth hypnofetishist, and one without a lot of respect for boundaries or consent. At the very least, there's a lack of recognition of the power position he puts himself in as the hypnotist and influencer. Other anecdotes talk about him influencing his students' and colleagues' lives, as well as his patients', with prescriptive suggestions intended to make their lives better. It's clear he got off on that, at some level, which is what bothers me about practically all famous, influential psychologists I have read about.

The great gift the kink world has given me is learning that it's ok to want to feel powerful and have strange influence over your partner's thoughts and actions, as long as that person is in on it, and properly consents. You don't have to be sneaky about it - and in fact if you are feeling sneaky, that probably means something is very wrong.

But even though I have no interest in therapy - or nudging the lives of the people around me via hypnosis for what I consider to be their own good - studying Erickson will be extremely important for my progress. Since my focus is erotic hypnosis, my goals fall somewhere between the stage hypnotist and Ericksonian nearly undirected healing trances (though some of that is an illusion, as he subtly exerts control). I do want to achieve specific effects, but there are a wide range of effects that please me, and already I've experienced plenty of surprises delightfully arising from my trance partner's mind. Where I can learn the most is about how to work with the inexperienced and doubting person, building that person's hypnotic capabilities cumulatively over time and carefully avoiding giving the impression of having "failed". I saw MrDream achieve startling effects in that realm (including with me!), and in other Deepmind Darkwood trances, and now that I've read this book I'm convinced that Erickson holds the key to truly understanding and communicating with the unconscious.

Hypnosis Scene Preflight Checklist

Here is the preflight checklist I am currently trying to use before each hypnosis session. I have it on my phone, so I can actually check it. As of my most recent Christmas travel, where I forgot one of the few things I absolutely couldn't do without,  I'm convinced of the need for written checklists rather than trying to keep it in your head.

* How do you feel now?
* What is your timeframe?
* Bathroom trips
* Cellphones turned off
* Two glasses of water

It was important to me to keep it very short and very relevant. Here's a checklist for the first time working with a new person:

* Phobias
* Allergies
* Language to avoid [real example: someone who did not like the word "relax"]
* Physical problems

More questions for an experienced hypnotee:
* Do you feel confident you can bring yourself out of trance if something is bothering you?
* What you don't like and like in hypnosis.
* What kind of aftercare do you need?

Finally, a checklist for the end of the session that I plan to start using:

* Suggestion of remembering everything from the trance.
* Cancel all suggestions.
* Give an opportunity for feedback, particularly about things that rubbed them the wrong way.
* Allowing time and supervision to come back to reality.

Again, keeping it simple and short with an eye to using it, though I may find more things to add over time. You will notice that there's almost nothing relating to negotiation, which is always a part of a hypnosis scene, even when quick and mostly implicit between longtime partners. That's because I think checklists are not very helpful for negotiation, which I will be writing about in a future entry.

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Edited to add: I should have said that this is a bare bones checklist for the situations I most often find myself in. Which is trancing with people who I know at least a bit socially already - so for example, I already know their pronoun preferences, and have a good idea about what kinds of casual touch are ok. (I'm thinking of whether there's going to be a sexual aspect to the trance to be part of negotiation, a separate thing) You can check out this much more complete checklist for ideas for one that might apply to broader situations. And you should read this too while you're at it, 10 Hypnosis Safety Suggestions Everyone Should Use.

Hypnosis and Spirituality

I was recently in a new age bookstore for the third time in my life, which is three more times than I ever thought I would be in a new age bookstore. The first 2,000 times I'd passed that place I missed the sign in the window that said, "CRYSTALS", and it turns out that this store is a great source for inexpensive glittery eye fixation objects.

Since I was in there, I had a hunch that that might have some hypno-themed books, and asked the proprietor, "Where might I find the books on, um, expanding the potential of the human mind?" After not seeing much in that section that looked promising, I had another inspiration: "What about books on trance?" and he went, "Oh! Trance is over here!"

Since I come to hypnosis from the hypnofetish side, a land of gifs of anime catgirls with swirley eyes, it was surprising to me to realize that probably the vast majority of hypnosis material out there is in the category of personal growth: at best self-help advice, and at worst what is referred to as "woo" (short for "woo woo", aka pseudoscience and mysticism).

Looking at a shelf of book titles, I was a little stunned by that much malarkey in one place. The formula seems to be a spoonful of misunderstood physics and eastern mysticism, stirred into a tall glass of American-style positive thinking and hucksterism. And sometimes there's aliens. And yet it was worth my time. I don't believe that trances can put you in touch with your past life selves, or beings from other dimensions, but when it comes to changing yourself and having profound and enriching experiences, maybe I can learn something. A book that has a lot of parts that are silly and annoying (not to mention dated), like Mind Games: The Guide to Inner Space, can still have inspiring ideas.

I believe that literally all of the benefits you can get from things in that book store are due to the placebo effect, but I don't scoff at the placebo effect (which now seems like a very dismissive term), now that I have concrete, firsthand evidence of the power of the unconscious.

I know from things I have done in my own hypnotic sessions that the unconscious, with the aid of a hypnotist, can produce: vivid sensory experiences including the sensation of being in another place and time; hands-free orgasms; illusions of paralysis or uncontrollable movement; a profound sense of peacefulness; an unbelievable focus and lack of self-consciousness; and mental compulsions. It is really not a stretch from there to think that the unconscious can create many other powerful changes. Maybe what the new age bookstore people have to offer, with their crystals, mandalas, and appeals to the authority of ancient cultures, is strategies for eliciting the strongest possible placebo effects. After all, if they weren't successful at creating, at a minimum, the impression that *something* had happened, then they wouldn't be in business. You may think of it as a collection of confidence tricks, but sometimes confidence is what someone's unconscious needs for a helpful suggestion to really stick.

A few months ago I was contacted out of the blue on Fetlife by someone involved in the shamanism community in Boston, and we had a fascinating coffee talking about the differences and similarities between hypnosis and shamanic ritual. I can now easily see a function for every part of a ritual, starting from the painstaking work that the recipient does with the shaman to craft it. It all is directed towards the unconscious. Another thing that got me thinking along those lines was just this week, when due to a missed flight I was having dinner in an airport hotel with a middle aged native craftsman and an elderly catholic priest. They began discussing their respective spiritual practices, with the native guy talking about how the Great Spirit had helped him overcome alcoholism, and the priest discussing how he uses a brief ritual with daubing annointed oil on people at the hospital and rehab clinics he works at in Brockton - accompanied by a lot of compassionate talk I'll bet. All this would have seemed quite incomprehensible and uninteresting without my new understanding of how the unconscious mind "thinks".

These experiences and others have made me think about how many of the things that plague us in life are at root spiritual problems, rather than problems with our bodies or situations. I think the word "spiritual" is valuable here rather than "psychological": I use it without assuming any "spirit", but specifically to mean a whole range of deeply human concerns. How we feel about the future. How much the past weighs on us. Whether we feel aligned with our surroundings, including the physical environment and the community of people around us. How in control of our lives and minds we feel. Whether we feel a sense of growth and progression. How we deal with anger and various types of frustration. Whether we feel that we are a good person, and putting our energy into the right place. How we feel about the way the world is going. How much of the time we are free of distress. I really believe now that spiritual health is directly tied to other types of health. I know that when I'm lonely, or hopeless, or freaking out about something, all my other problems seem worse, and actually do get worse. When I feel cared for, hopeful, and calm, it's the opposite.

Is hypnosis spiritual? From my own experience being hypnotized, and from what my partners have said, it can be a profoundly moving experience just to have a period of peaceful relaxation. Giving up executive control and vigilance feels wonderful. And it can be so powerful to not feel like yourself for a while - that's what Being John Malkovich is about (and so are S&M, D/s and various types of kinky roleplay).

But like I've talked about, I'm extremely averse to attempting to fix people's problems with hypnosis, especially since I have no therapeutic training. However, I believe there's room for exploring positive spiritual experiences. Without planning it that way, I've already been involved in two experiences that I don't think the hypnotee would hesitate to call spiritual - one in an art gallery, and one in a cemetary. While hypnosis is not risk free, it is certainly safer than going out into the desert to take peyote, and yet could possibly give similar feelings of activation of fresh parts of the mind, and release from everyday constrictions, with at least temporary effects. I don't know what a feeling of transcendence really signifies, but I do think it's important in some way.

But I'm not so interested in spirituality through hypnosis - for me it's about fun and sexiness, almost exclusively. However, the arrow goes in the other direction: what I am learning about in hypnosis, the power of the unconscious mind, is making me so much more interested in spiritual practices. I want to learn about meditation and ritual, not to mention therapy and having more community and nature in my life. Anything that can help influence my unconscious mind for the better. I expect that I will remain a rock solid materialist and atheist for the rest of my life. But, especially as I get older, I appreciate the infinite complexity of the mind and the spirit, including all the ways they can go out of whack. I feel the need to be so much better equipped for the challenges that are bound to come.

The Either/Or Construction for Asking for Consent

I bought this delightful erotic hypnosis video by Lex of entrancement.co.uk, and there was a nice moment towards the end that showed a smooth way to ask for consent. His model, Ziva Knight, had been having a very sexy shower where she had gone in and out of trance and the shower gel, by his suggestion, was arousing on her skin. She was obviously getting turned on. After a while (and when she was not in trance) he asked:

Tell me, do you want this to feel sexual - do you want a climax - or do you want to cool down now and just enjoy the rest of your shower?

And, notably, she said, "Cool down". And he launched into his "cool down" patter.

I like this either/or construction, because it gives someone an easy out, which I think is so important for meaningful and easy negotiation. Women in particular are trained that it's a big deal to say "no", and if Ziva was asked only, "do you want a climax?" and wasn't skilled at deflecting the question, they might have felt pressured.

And how it was done was just as important as the form: he spoke in a neutral voice, giving both possibilities equal emphasis, and so conveying that he didn't care whether it went one way or the other. I know Lex is into hypnotic orgasms, and has included it in shoots where the model is comfortable with the idea, but he did a good job of hiding it. And then when she chose the "cool down" option, he accepted it immediately and without discussion, like she had just chosen between his offers of toast or waffles. (also a good reminder that even if someone is visibly turned on, that doesn't mean they necessarily want to have an orgasm, or even continue with the sexy sensations, and it shouldn't be taken as consent to escalate)

The either/or approach takes a little bit of practice and care, since you have to project that both choices are equally ok, and the "escape route"  should be something that actually is in the other person's mind (which might take a couple of tries). Often it can be something simple like, "or do you just want to keep enjoying this trance for now" or "would you like to come out of trance and take a break". Even though it's very tricky to as for permission from someone in a trance, as well as in the spacy state of mind between trances, and it certainly shouldn't be done for the big things, during a particular session, I think the either/or approach is an effective tool for tuning into what someone is in the mood for, even while hypnotized. All of Lex's videos that I've seen do a great job of modelling erotic hypnosis consent, with frequent use of either/or and many other techniques to make his models feel comfortable and in control.

Don't Pressure People to Have Hypnotic Orgasms

This valuable essay has been showing up on my Fetlife friends feed, Don’t pressure me to come. by Vonka. She writes:

It’s hard to tell your partner over and over “No, its okay, I’m good without one” when they take it as a challenge. You know they’ll be sad or disappointed if you don’t come. It can be way too much pressure. ... Even if I’d like an orgasm, when I tell you I’m not going to for whatever reason, please don’t insist I do anyway. It’s not about your ego. It’s not about a challenge.

(The comments are extremely valuable too) This makes me think how grateful I am that I read similar advice more than 10 years ago, before I had any sexual experience to speak of, in an entry on the amazing blog Why Your Wife Won’t Have Sex with You. Because it takes that long to absorb the lesson: that people, especially people with vaginas, have a huge amount of variance in how easy it is for them to have orgasms, and how important orgasms are to them. Looking back on my sexual history, it might be the most important piece of sex advice I ever had. Not respecting this reality will lead to anxiety, frustration, and a pulling away.

(Another good analogy is pressure on people to squirt, as described in this Fetlife writing by Ferrett Steinmeltz)

I think it’s important to bring up here, because I don’t always see this acknowledged where erotic hypnosis is discussed. For example, Wiseguy provides excellent tips for encouraging hands-free orgasms, but doesn’t bring up the possibility that some people might never have them. Considering that some partners I have had require quite a bit of intense physical stimulation, that seems like something that should be considered. He then goes on to describe many fun things to do with hypnotic orgasms, like “orgasm pills” or using them to reinforce suggestions, which seems like jumping up several dozen levels in terms of aptitude. And Wiseguy’s stuff is on the high end of grounded and trustworthy - many less careful teachers and performers make hypnotic orgasms look like something that should be easy, and a necessary part of erotic hypnosis play. (Peter Masters is the exception, although I think he goes too far in advising to stay away from orgasm talk altogether)

We as hypnotists get advised to speak with more confidence than may be justified, and I understand why: the unconscious understands confidence, and the unconscious is what will be making the suggestions work. By acting like you have no doubts, it increases the probability of success. But this is a case where it can actually hurt the situation. Pressuring someone to have an orgasm when it's not going to happen can kill their buzz, make an orgasm or other kinds of pleasure harder to access, and, if in a trance, bring them out of it. Making someone feel bad for not responding the way you want isn’t just shitty; if you’re a heterosexual man, it’s shitty in a very typical way.

Of course, I love it when a partner has an orgasm with me. It makes me feel reassured that I’m doing something right, and I’m into it aesthetically. If it’s a hypnotic orgasm, in a D/s context, it can give me a power thrill (I’m very into the idea of controlling someone’s pleasure). What the mind turns into during the moment of orgasm is not so far from the overwhelmed mush that I find so appealing in deep hypnosis. But there are lots of other things I love in sex and hypnosis too. And you will note those were purely selfish reasons. It’s not just about me, and it’s not about achievements or checking off boxes: what it should be about is pleasure and connection, and creating unique and amazing memories in the time you have together.

I will say that hypnosis is about expanding what the hypnotee thought their mind was capable of. To that extent I don’t think there’s anything wrong with experimenting with orgasmic response. IF - and only if - your partner is into the idea. Although I’m against the idea of hypnotic suggestions to change or “fix” your partner long term, when it comes to individual orgasms, relaxation and focus are things that might help, and things that hypnosis is good for. With the help of techniques from the likes of Wiseguy, and especially with practice by the hypnotee, more people are able to have hands-free orgasms on command than thought they could. But it should be presented as just one of many activities that are available. And if you run out of sexy things to play with when hypnosis is in the mix, you are seriously lacking in imagination.

Here are my guidelines for hypnosis and orgasms, which I wish I had always followed - I have screwed up with partners in the past, which is why I’m thinking so much about this. It shouldn’t need to be said, but these are in the context of a hypnotic relationship with an agreed-upon sexual dimension, as per rule #7 of my hypotist ethics.

1. Don’t bring up hypnotic orgasms until you have gotten to know your partner’s orgasms. Ideally by learning, firsthand, how they like to get off outside of trance. You also want to understand how much they care about orgasms, how many and when they like to have them, and whether they have insecurities about them - maybe from a past partner who pressured them. You also might want to ask if they have had bad or good experiences with orgasming on command (not just a hypnosis thing as I have learned recently). Of course it’s different if your partner brings up the topic! In the case where this happened with me, it wasn’t a big surprise that she turned out to be talented at hypnotic orgasms.

2. If you have the go-ahead, especially in the early occasions use permissive, open-ended language. That is, phrase your hypnotic suggestions without a specific expectation, that it will definitively happen at a certain time. Instead merely introduce the possibility of having an orgasm, phrases like, “as your arousal grows you might find that your body wants the pleasure of an orgasm, and it can have it, at any time it wishes.” If you do it right, then it will plant the seeds that can lead to an orgasm if one is within reach, and not make it a big deal if not.

3. Before giving someone a direct command to come, be very sure they will. I will ask, “Are you ready to come?” or “Nod your head when you’re ready.” This seems to work - even in trance people know where they’re at. Of course as you get to know a partner better, you can get to the point of feeling confident you see the signs without asking. But I think it’s so important to avoid giving someone the feeling of failing at an orgasm suggestion.

4. Mention that hypnotic orgasms may feel different than you expect (thought clearly identifiable), just as clitoral and g-spot orgasms feel different. And just like the different types of physical orgasms, it may take practice to find your hypnotic orgasm, and more practice to start having really good ones.

I will share with you another reason this issue is personal for me: I have trouble having hypnotic orgasms. At one time I was listening to two mp3 files repeatedly from different web-based hypnotists that were intended to produce hands-free orgasms. It was always a pleasant and very sexy experience, but when nothing happened at the end I would feel like a failure. Now I know that there are a lot of things more personalized hypnosis could do better, and I’m not ruling out that it might happen for me some day (fortunately I don’t think of it anymore as “the ultimate test” of whether hypnosis is real). But I don’t want my partners to suffer from the same thing, of a few seconds of suggestions ruining the afterglow of a very hot time.

Guest post: Kinetic Sculptures and Trance

Now it can be told (a year and a bit after the original post): this occurred at the MIT Museum in Cambridge, MA, and we tranced in front of a bunch of different kinetic sculptures. The lovely one my partner wrote about, and which gave me the whole idea when I saw it on a previous trip, is called Ialu by John Douglas Powers. Here's a video of it.

This was my first "art trancing", and the first I've ever heard of, so I'm pleased I got to do it some more at the MFA, and even inspired my friends djpynchon and Lee Allure to do it at the Art Institute of Chicago, which also has an awesome writeup.
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I'm always dying to know what my trance partner is experiencing during hypnosis, and so I always enjoy the post-trance chat almost as much as the hypnosis itself. But it's rare that I get a beautiful description, in writing, of how it felt. The backstory is that I had the idea of taking this partner into trance while she was looking at a kinetic art sculpture, and letting her lose herself in it for an extended period of time. All kinks have pluses and minuses (not that we get to choose our kinks), and while hypnosis is hard to do in noisy environments, and often isn't too exciting for others to watch, unlike say flogging it has the plus that it can easily be done outside and in public places without getting into trouble. Or disturbing others at all: to anyone giving us a second glance it would just have looked like someone who was really, really into the art. As was her far less still companion, who sometimes leaned over to murmur into her ear. We began by finding a quiet corner and doing a few short trances, using her reinduction trigger, which included practicing standing while in trance (in heels!) and staying in trance with eyes open. Then we sat in front of the sculpture and I gave her the trigger. On her request, we went back for seconds later, meaning that she might have stared at it for as much as 20 minutes in total - that has to be some kind of record for appreciating that piece of art!

Here is my trance partner's Fetlife post about the experience, reprinted with her permission. This was so compelling, not to mention immensely gratifying, for me to read. What a great way to spend an afternoon.

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Kinetic Sculptures and Trance

My body is relaxed. It's beyond relaxed. It's weight, it's matter, it doesn't belong to me anymore. It's on the ground and I am in the clouds. The reeds swayed back and forth, back and forth, the clouds rolled through the sky dark then light. Rolling clouds, swimming through tall, tan reeds. My eyes rarely blinking, engulfed in the sculpture. The passers by don't phase me, they don't disturb my trance. I was in the reeds, I was in the clouds. I could feel my body sway with them, trusting my subconscious to keep me upright. I felt the storm coming, the darkness approaching, the birds chirping wildly to warn me. I felt the reeds swish along my skin, enveloping my body. I was in a field somewhere far away.

Most intense, full body hypnosis experience to date. Incredible.

Now You’re Playing with Power (A Hypno Freeze Scene)

"The game is very simple. I ask you to do something, and you do it."
 - Slow Surrender, Cecilia Tan

I'm completely confused about what D/s is at the moment. I've read books about it, talked to people in long term D/s relationships and watched them interact, and had a fair number of what you could call D/s scenes of my own, but everyone seems to have a different definition, and many I don't relate to. All I have to go by is what sends an electric current up my spine and down to my cock, and the common denominator seems to be power and control. For many years, my kinky fantasies were all about mind control: making women do sexual things, usually through some fantastical means like telepathy, and shaping their perception and responses. (Now I know that many of those fantasies fall under the heading of con-noncon rather than D/s - that's something for a future entry.)

Then I found out that there are women who enjoy being given orders in a sexual context, and that changed everything. It took one particular partner in my late 20s to make me understand, way deep down, that she got a massive sexual charge from the idea of obedience, from having responsibility taken away, from having demands placed on her and earning praise by living up to them (or “punishment” when she doesn’t fulfill the challenges - usually rigged ones). With her I learned that I could inspire a wonderful squishy altered state of submissiveness, and my dominant side grew as I learned how to push those buttons more and more skillfully and take what I wanted. It was incredibly exciting to, say, demand that she strip naked and suck me off, knowing that not only was I getting exactly what I wanted at that moment, but that she was getting off on being directed in that way.

Although this felt intense, even dangerous, for both of us, it was a far cry from a 24/7 master/slave relationship: every scene had a beginning and end with an explicit return to being equals, and we also had hot non-kinky sex. I don't have many models for this, whether in books or blog posts, besides Slow Surrender by Cecilia Tan - a book I wish I could forcibly swap for 50 Shades of Grey whenever I see someone holding it (and I have read every word of that messed up book). Though it has the same premise as 50 Shades, as mandated by her publisher - young handsome billionaire courts a female grad student he randomly met - the emphasis is on consent, with the heroine being invited and enticed into power games ("Are you bored? Tired of the rat race? Looking for a little adventure?") but always given an explicit out ("If you don't want to play, that's fine," he added. "I'll leave and never come back if you say no.") I love the early scenes such as that one, where he's essentially teaching her how exciting and comfortable it can be to follow instructions and be sexually controlled. Even though the instructions aren’t explicitly sexual at first, the fact she is carrying them out means that she has willingly stepped into another world, that looks like ours on the surface but is full of dark and delicious possibilities.

That’s a digression. Anyway, although it's not as big of a commitment as full time Dom/sub relationships, to have these type of scenes still requires plenty of trust and mutual comprehension, which doesn't come right away (well, except in fiction) - not to mention the difficulty of finding people who have that interest. So I've only experienced flickers of that over the last couple of years. But now thanks mostly to the Boston kink scene it's happening again, more play with submissive partners. I try to keep acutely aware that each person's kink is a unique fingerprint, and each person has a different view of D/s and what they want from a dom, some of which I can't fulfill - for example, anyone who's met me knows I'm not about to dominate or intimidate my partners physically in any but the most symbolic ways. However, I'm finding overlap with some partners when it comes to mental domination, and that's fantastic - and in particular the eroticism is turbocharged for me by the newfound incorporation of hypnosis.

So I want to give an example of how D/s and hypnosis go together. I like hypnosis without D/s plenty, but together it’s like chocolate and peanut butter, or frozen montreal  bagels and a toaster. In an earlier entry http://deeperforme.blogspot.com/2013/10/reinduction-triggers-are-greatest.html I talked about the sexy power kick I get from reinduction triggers, taking partners into trance at a moment's notice, and how much I enjoy when I have permission to do that in a playful, surprising way. Recently I experienced a spin on that, with a very submissive partner  (she not so subtly hinted her interest in submission on an early date by casually kneeling on the floor beside my chair) who shall be Michelle on this blog. We got a strong "freeze in place” post-hypnotic trigger working for her. I benefitted from watching MrDream masterfully work with a freeze trigger for a novice hypnotee at Deepmind Darkwood, which also helped to convince me that there is an enormous amount of fun to be had with such a simple posthypnotic standby.

The nature of the trigger was that Michelle would find herself aware but unable to move, except for breathing and blinking and adjustments for her own safety (e.g. balance), whenever I said the word "freeze", and this would continue until I said the word "melt". When I would touch a body part, it would temporarily melt so I could reposition it, and then freeze again when I let go. When I brought her out of the trance, my heart was racing. She was sitting in my armchair, looking centered and normal, and I was sitting facing her. After we exchanged a few words, I couldn’t stand postponing finding out, so I said, "FREEZE."

It would have looked very unremarkable from the outside, but I was elated watching Michelle sit there very still. After only a few moments I said, "MELT", and she immediately started to shift in the chair. She smiled and said, "That was cool!" My previous attempts to get freezing in place to work (both as a hypnotist and as a hypnotee!) had failed, so I was incredibly pleased. It felt at least partially real for her. Both a game, and not a game. She could have broken the spell at any time, but chose not to.

So we played. While she was in the armchair I had her put her arms and hands in different positions, and repeatedly froze her and melted her. I stroked her breasts and the side of her neck while she was frozen and helpless. Then I had her stand up, and put her hands behind her on her ass, and froze her in that position. I walked around her and admired her form from every side. I stood in front of her and melted her, and we made out passionately, losing a lot of clothes in the process. While we had our arms around each other I said “freeze” into her ear, and extracted myself, leaving her arms circling the air. Then I hugged her from behind and melted her again.

I had Michelle kneel on the floor and lace her hands behind her head. I froze her in that position, and took more time to admire her and feel her up. Then I froze her on her hands and knees, and I flipped up her skirt and ran my hand over her ass and mound. When I melted her she bucked against my hand. We were both wildly turned on - I felt like I was vibrating. I said, “I’d like to fuck you right here,” and she caught her breath and said, “Maybe you should.”

The power games didn’t stop while we were fucking. I called out “FREEZE” a few minutes in, and her hips immediately stopped pulsing and pushing back on me. I gripped her and pumped in and out, with her unable to reciprocate or resist. When I melted her a few seconds later, she was even more desperate than before. I still have scabs on my knees from the friction on my cheap carpet.

There was more to that night, but that was a unique and mindblowing experience for me as a dominant and a hypnotist: it might be my first time truly being both at once. When I was waiting with Michelle for her train, as a train roared by in the opposite direction I leaned over to her ear and said “freeze.” I left her that way for less than 10 seconds, but to see her outside of my bedroom and fully dressed in nice overcoat, gloves and handbag, but frozen helplessly in place on the platform, under my control, with no one around the wiser, was incredibly hot to me. And to her too: when released she said, “are you trying to turn me on for the ride home?”

Maybe you don’t find something interesting or sexy in this game. Your brain has to be bent in a very particular way. But mine is, and I’m so happy that it’s not the only one.

Lex's Many Flavours of Trance

I found this gem on the personal blog of Lex, who sells very sexy videos featuring real hypnosis, with almost everything left in (including failures!) so you can actually learn from it, at entrancement.co.uk. It's in a very valuable post on How to hypnotize others. He's making the point that there are a lot of ways that someone might want trance to feel, and it's your job to be sensitive to that so you can "be the hypnotist of their dreams." Flavours of trance:

Safe & Protected
Aroused & Erotic
Blank & Mindless
Dazed & Drugged
Playful & Naughty
Captive & Helpless
Detached & Passive
Disarmed & Seduced
Beautiful & Sensuous
Emotionless & Empty
Empowered & Focused
Submissive & Obedient
Energised & Meditative
Objectified & Impersonal
Brainwashed & Mind Controlled

A similar terrific resource is his Hypnotic Induction Questionnaire, a survey for how people like to feel in trance and how they want their hypnotist to behave (e.g. "Protective & Benevolent", "Evil & Controlling"), plus a selection of settings ranging from "Lying on a sun-drenched beach" to "Brainwashed through technology".  (the results are interesting: yay to programmed and controlled, boo to both drained and energized)

At this point, I'm not really skilled enough to be in control of the feel of my trances. I'm using everything I've got to achieve liftoff and make some sexy things happen. But what these are great for is sparking the imagination of potential hypnotees and uncovering potential hypnofetishism they never knew - it's fun to send them the list and ask them, "which of these sound good to you?" And for those with some experience, these can help them to become critical consumers of trance and able to articulate what they like. I do aim for that kind of control over the flavour of the trance someday, so that the hypnosis I do with one partner might appear radically different than that with another. This is happening organically to a great extent, as I carefully learn what each of my partner's respond to and what they enjoy, but I want to stay aware of the full palette.

As a postscript I'd like to share two things that amused me from last week's post-Boston Hypnomunch practice: "Here's the church, here's the steeple, open the doors and you will go to sleeple." (from MST3k) "The number 4 has been replaced by the number cheese." (that's due to oneEyedstranger)