Very Horny and Very Confused

When you wake up, you will feel very horny, and very confused.

One of the simplest hypnotic scenes I do, and one of my favourites.

khatsha wakes up, nearly incoherent, immediately reaching for touch. She might hump my leg, or start rubbing herself rapidly. Complex questions result in blank stares. "Want", "Please", and "Fuck me" are most of her vocabulary. A cock near her mouth is immediately swallowed, with a moan, or else she might strip down, climb on top and shove me into her pussy.

Sometimes I suggest she's too confused to know where she is, when she is, who I am. I might use language like, any thoughts that try to form break apart into a million shiny dazzling pieces, or that her mind is full of thick cotton wool, or that it's like when you wake up suddenly and are completely disoriented. Whichever, the one thing left clear is the need to fuck.

She is utterly unselfconscious, utterly uninhibited, and sexually aggressive. All of her mind is lost in sensation and need.

Clearly, this is a bit edgy. For one thing, for my consent and even physical safety. In a recent session she tried to fuck me without a condom, when I thought she was taking medications that could have interfered with her birth control (it turns out she knew that wasn't the case). And when she's bouncing on my cock in the middle of the living room carpet in this state, she's not exactly taking care with the angles and torsional forces.

That's why it's essential for me to have complete hypnotic control over the situation, and able to snap her out of it at any time, not to mention she must have good practice with her hypnotic safeword and other safeties. It also doesn't hurt to have some experience with what she's like in that state! Otherwise what is unleashed can be very unpredictable.

Even D/s doesn't necessary get through - once I told her in dom voice, "Follow me to the bedroom." After a minute of waiting on the bed, I went back to the livingroom to see what the heck was going on. She was riding a girl's thigh. She told me later, "It was right there... I think I just said 'I want thigh.'"

To be safe - or mostly safe - "horny and confused" takes a depth of trust and consent that is only possible over a long term hypnotic relationship, which is why I'm so grateful to be married to khatsha. The possibilities just keep getting wilder.

And also, how great is kink, and consensual nonconsent specifically? In vanilla life, if someone was to say, I like to get my girlfriend so drunk she can't put together a sentence, while I stay completely sober, and then fuck her, some people would be very worried. In kink that can be ok. And with hypnosis, she can come back to clear-headed with just a snap - sweaty, sheepish, and grinning.

Slut Tech: Consent-Oriented Games and Tools to Free Everyone's Inner Slut (Vol. 1)

Introduction

A sad thing I've seen in real life is a play party where no one plays. Everyone got dressed up, drove or Ubered to a sketchy building, signed a liability form, and are now standing next to a veggie plate, chit chatting. Many wishing something sexy was happening, but no one seeming to be able to get it started.

Also sad, and more common, are play parties where literally everyone only plays with well established partners. This isn't a total loss, since a new setting, with special equipment, can be a lot of fun. But I still think most non-monogamous people, as they lace up a corset or strap on a utilikilt, aren't thinking, "hope I don't make an exciting new connection tonight!" Parties should facilitate that adrenaline surge of making a new acquaintance and playing with them, or doing a new type of play with an existing acquaintance.

Enter slut tech, which is what I'm calling party games, icebreakers, hookup apps, whatever, that have the goal of assisting people to be as slutty as they want to be.

I have a lot of theories about why sex parties don't get started, which turn into rules for good slut tech. But I want to start with some usable, tested examples. We threw three activities on this list at BEHIVE's 10th Anniversary play party, with 46 people in a space for erotic hypnosis fun, and it definitely helped it to be a success - there were hot scenes happening everywhere you looked.

A final note, none of this is a substitute for getting the basics right: good invite list, good lighting, and a conduct policy that you enforce.

The Tech

Consent Spin-the-Bottle

This is a version of spin-the-bottle developed by @Twixtmynethers. I wrote a post about it, but essentially it's the high school version, plus a graceful out. People sit in a circle and spin the bottle, and if it lands on someone who's playing that person has to give three offer for things they would do for the bottle spinner. These can be as raunchy as it can get, including going off into another room and doing something, except at least one of the three offers has to be for something that doesn't require consent (and depending on the group, even a high five might require consent).

Consent features: Make sure people can enter and leave the circle at any time, ideally by just scooching back so there's a clear visual signal. People can avoid play with someone by picking one of the non-consent-requiring choices. It's important to set a standard of good non-consent-requiring offers - whether it's singing a song, doing a dramatic scene, or offering an extravagant compliment - and not make it just a checkbox (it helps to emphasize it doesn't have to be original and creative). This is more fun and, more importantly, helps the other person if they have to sell being excited about it.

Best for: Smaller (<20) gatherings with a lot of people who are into each other. Great for kicking off parties, because at some point it will naturally dissolve into scenes.

The Koala Box

This was developed at BEHIVE, and is the activity we do at every erotic hypnosis munch. Read the full description here, but essentially people stuff a box full of slips of paper with suggestions for things they would like to see demonstrated (at our munches, all to do with hypnosis), and then suggestions are randomly pulled out one by one, and volunteers are sought to top and bottom the scene. This happens in two stages, with the first volunteer, who is picked by the "koala wrangler", choosing their partner for the scene. If no one volunteers we move smoothly to the next suggestion.

Consent features: Raising your hand to volunteer is an active process, and if you don't it's ambiguous about whether it's the person or the suggestion you are avoiding (or maybe you're just taking a break). All trances are observed by the room, and in addition we have begun having an exec member assigned to carefully watch the negotiation and make sure it covers the bases, as well as that the subsequent scene matches what was negotiated (we don't usually point this person out).

Best for: When there might be a ton of less experienced people, but at least 3 people with the skills to top and 3 people with the skills to bottom. Still fun when sexual content isn't allowed (eg in a restaurant back room), and is particularly good at lowering the bar for observers to choose to cross over to their first experience as a participant.

PlayMail

When someone arrives at the party, give them an envelope, a marker, and a piece of tape. They write their name on the envelope and stick it onto a wall. This is their mailbox. Later, they can propose play by writing a note with the paper next to the mailboxes and putting it into someone else's mailbox.
Consent features: Put the wall of mailboxes somewhere out of the way, ideally on the way to the bathroom, so people can check theirs secretly. Then if they really don't want to play, they can leave the note in there, so the person delivering it doesn't know whether they saw it or not.
Best for: Medium to large sexy play parties.

Activity Matcher

This is software created by my brilliant wife khatsha, to be used in the days leading up to an event with kinky play. You access a website with a special password. For each activity, you select the party attendees you would like to do it with, including whether you would be up for topping, bottoming, or both. You can then get a report of every match you have: activities that a particular person would like to do with you. The activity list you use really determines the feel, but the one we've been using is very long, ranges from the lightest play to the most hard core, and is customized to have lots of hypnokink.

It is only in extreme alpha, held together with string and chewing gum, just enough for our parties, but it will be open sourced and coming to your phone soon.

Consent features: You only see the things an attendee has selected for you that match what you want to do with them. There is no notification about whether they have filled one out for you, so it's ambiguous whether they have no activities in common or just haven't gotten around to it. It should be emphasized to attendees that a match does not constitute consent: it is the beginning of a conversation. The database should be wiped between each event, since people's feelings towards each other will evolve.

Best for: A very sexy play party where a lot of the people know each other in advance.

Slut Tech theory

More than the specific activities, I want to get across the concept of slut tech: Of deliberate social engineering for events. Of learning and adjusting based on actual literal playtesting, exactly like people do for boardgames and video games. And of developing core theories and principles about what leads to more play, from which brand new activities can be developed.

But why do you need all this stuff? Couldn't we keep it simple, with a space and some invites and a couple of St Andrews Crosses?

Here's my theory why simple freeform parties often don't seem to work, despite many people longing to play with each other. It's that for each person, there is someone they most definitely don't want to play with. But who it would be awkward to say no to. And if they are seen playing with anyone, that person will definitely approach them (the "my turn next!" phenomenon). So it's easier to not play at all.

As a consequence, a sex party only really gets started organically in one of two ways. Either with the ultimate, perfect invite list, with everyone well balanced, into each other, and not creeped out by anyone; or by the presence of a handful of people I would call "resilient megasluts" (no gender assumed): they have a big appetite for play, they like most of the play they get, and they don't mind at all saying no or hearing a no. (By the way, vanilla sex parties lean heavily on alcohol or other drugs to shift attendees in the direction of being resilient megasluts)

Of course there's a third possibility: coercing attendees to be more sexual than they want to be. Besides the detail that it's evil, this leads to the practical dilemma of who will come to your next party, since many of your guests had a horrible shitty experience. If you are cold messaged by someone who always seems to be recruiting new people to their play parties, that might be why.

There's no guarantee of getting either of those first two conditions. So I let go of the fantasy of an organic orgy, great as they are, and put my faith in slut tech.

Because of the awkwardness of wanting to play selectively, I think the best slut tech has two important, symmetrical qualities. It lets participants:

• Approach people without risking an explicit no
• Avoid people or activities without having to say no explicitly

All of the tech listed above has those qualities, and I think that's where the magic comes from. Any new games and tools we pilot - and khatsha is working on some tech that will make the above look like the stone age - will start from those principles.

I heard one organizer say, his goal is to teach his attendees to be able to say "no". I think that's a good goal, but between that and the short-sighted goal of my party getting crazy, I choose the latter (plus I feel like femme folks get enough chances to practice saying no). My goal is to make it work better for that fat slice of people in the middle: they would love to play, but are not resilient megasluts, and so they could use a boost. Of course the event should also work for the people at either end of the thirst spectrum too, which is why there should always be a graceful way to not do the activities.

When you get slut tech right - as well as the guest list, setting, and consent policing - all kinds of people you never saw playing before are suddenly getting sexy. All kinds of connections you never expected are happening. And the gloating goes on for a week.