Friday, May 30, 2014

JUMP IN: Community is What Will Make Your Life Good





I've been listening to this song a lot this year, because a) it's awesome, and b) I love the theme: jump in. Here are these three sexy, vibrant women, the Pointer sisters, saying I'm here, you can have all this goodness - but you have to close the gap. If you want my kisses in the night, then JUMP.

So I'm saying: JUMP IN to a face-to-face kink community. Take a risk to make your fantasies come true.

Walk into that munch. Drive to that kink con. Buy that plane ticket. Jump.

Why face to face?
  • Kink takes trust. It's easier to start trusting people face to face.
  • You get automatic points for being brave. And you get to hang out with other brave people.
  • You're more likely to be talking with the person, rather than your fantasy of who they are. And vice versa.
  • You'll be living in the *place* where you are, and that's great.
When you see the same group of people regularly, amazing things happen. It doesn't even have to be kink. (But that's a good one, for the complete acceptance and ferocious growth and exploration.)

Jump doesn't mean you can't prepare. If it's the Boston scene, read this (all of it). Read essays on Fetlife and other kink related sites like pervocracy and kinkopedia. Work on your social skills. But then, pretty soon, jump.

You might have to move closer to a big city.

Is there something weird you crave, that you've never been able to say out loud? By the end of your first month you'll have said it to more people you would have ever imagined. Not only will you realize it's not that weird, by two months you'll wish you were into *more* weird things. By six months, you will be.

Don't worry about pairing up for your first long while. Just soak it all in, enjoy, and get to know people. Their connections are just mindbogglingly complicated. But there's a place for you.

The scene is not safe. Many of my friends have been harmed, and there's no real way to protect yourself. All I can say is that the ones that I know loved it so much that they found their way back, even after getting hurt.

And I am so grateful that I jumped. So grateful for the preposterous things that happened to me over the course of a year and a half in Boston, the sexual and the nonsexual memories, mostly thanks to a couple dozen people I met who often hung out on the top floor of a house in Somerville. (not to mention the people I met hanging out at a terrible Italian restaurant)

Fuck Netflix and HBO. Fuck having a great apartment, or even looking for a great boyfriend/girlfriend/master/sub. Community is what will make your life good. That's what you should put your strength into.

Community is what builds amazing things: knowledge, events, innovation. And stories, jokes, memories, people you care about desperately. Being the best, and usually only, way to meet people for whatever you have in mind is practically a side bonus. And there will be conflict, and awkwardness, and sadness: you know, all the things that happen when you care. The stuff that makes for a life with stories worth telling.

Join community or make it. (Yes, *you* can create community). Do your best to add to it and help it be better. The first one you try might not be where you end up.

But it all starts with that leap, where you walk into a room and say hello.

Jump, jump, jump. Take me out Pointer Sisters!



Friday, May 9, 2014

Fixation Objects I Have Used to Hypnotize People



I know a lot of inductions now, but I still love to use the eye fixation induction, because it's a classic, because it pushes my hypnofetish buttons with the blank staring and slower and slower blinks, and because it works great with most people I've tried it with. But once I realized practically anything can be used as a fixation object, I started to have fun with the possibilities. Hypnosis partners of mine have gone into trance looking at:
  • A glass crystal
  • A plastic crystal
  • A candle flame
  • My eyes
  • An optical illusion designed by a psychologist to create a sense of movement
  • A t-shirt
  • Light reflected on the surface of the Charles River
  • An animated gif playing on my smartphone
  • The eyes of a stuffed toy monkey
Oddly enough, never a pocket watch.

In honour of the fact that I have fixed commenting on the blogspot version of this blog, you should comment or retumbl with any unusual fixation objects you have used, or if you have any thoughts about the eye fixation induction!

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Hypnosis at the Museum of Fine Arts



Ever since the adventure with the kinetic sculpture gallery, I've wanted to combine art appreciation with hypnosis again, so I was very pleased when Cassi told me she had thought of me on a visit to the Museum of Fine Arts, and would like to go back with me and look at paintings while hypnotized.

So we finally made it happen, only days before my big move out of the country. It was fun to be in the lobby with Cassi knowing we had a secret mission - again, I feel lucky that this interest is something I can pursue in unusual locales, including out in plain sight, without being discovered or imposing on other people.

We found a closed-off nook with its own painting, and went through some warmup trances. As on the other occasion, I had her practice going into trance standing up, and then with her eyes open. I gave her a discreet post-hypnotic trigger that when I pointed to a painting and tapped her on the shoulder, her eyes would close, she would go into trance, and then open her eyes and become extremely engrossed in that painting. It would become more and more real and vivid to her, and more and more fascinating. The painting would seem to surround her and become her world. Then another trigger would gently bring her out of it.

Cassi's reaction when we practiced with the painting in the nook was interesting and surprising to me. After going into trance, she took a couple of steps forward, and I could see her eyes moving around the painting - things that I didn't think people in trance could do, of their own volition. Her face went through a whole cycle of expressions, mostly in the vein of happiness and awe.

So to an observer, she would have only looked like someone who was really, really into a painting. Great. On the other hand, I felt confident that she was really going into trance, because of a few external signs:
  •  Her blinking rate went way down.
  •  When awoken, she blinked and reoriented herself.
  •  She swayed a little. (I would whisper suggestions in her ear that her unconscious would take care of her balance for her)
  •  No checking back with me.
Being pleased with this, I proposed another post-hypnotic trigger I had thought of just that day. When I said the phrase "attract mode on", she would enter a state that would be superficially unchanged, but her subconscious would be on the lookout for artworks that she would enjoy trancing in front of. When she spotted one, she would lose her train of thought, fixate on it, and walk helplessly towards it. Once at a good viewing distance, she would go into a trance as with the other trigger. And this would keep happening, never selecting the same artwork twice, until I said "attract mode off".

She liked this idea, so I took a little time to install the trigger and reinforce it, and we set off into the museum!
Carpenter's Wheel, Gerald Roy

I had some misconceptions about what she wanted at first, which shows the importance of listening and readjusting as a top. I said we should go and check out the exhibit of brightly coloured and geometric quilts first, since many already seemed to have striking hypnotic patterns in them! We tried the first trigger successfully with a few of these, but then she explained that what she really wanted was to lose herself in natural scenes - representational art rather than op art. She also said that she wanted to bring herself out of the art trances rather than have me decide how long to leave her there. That had been my first instinct, because I thought it would place an extra burden on her to monitor the time she was taking, and that she wouldn't want control over that. But in fact her unconscious was easily able to tell when she was ready to be done with a painting.

Lake Nemi, 1872, George Inness

So we went to the Impressionist galleries - walking briskly through rooms of dour, dark religious art - and then to general 19th century European and American galleries. Cassi had strong ideas about which paintings she wanted to trance to, and rejected many of them before settling on one. Which was important, since there was a significant time investment for each one - difficult to estimate, but probably in the ballpark of 5 minutes - and sadly we only had a couple of hours in the museum.

Over time, Cassi told me many interesting things about what it felt like to be in trance with these paintings. She said she knew she was in a different state because she had no desire to read the explanatory text, which she usually reads first. She also said she had no awareness of the frame, which she also usually noticed quite a bit. Instead she would really feel herself in the scene, hearing sounds, smelling things, and even feeling emotions.

Rocky Coast and Gulls, 1836, Winslow Homer


In one striking case, she told me upon awakening, "I was so worried about that boat!" And I said, "What boat?" And she pointed it out to me (in the painting below), nearly invisible on the horizon. Her hyperfocus had discovered it and made it an integral part of the emotional content.

Running Before the Storm, 1870, unknown


I found that it was a wonderful experience standing next to her and looking at the paintings (while checking on her from time to time). I almost never look at paintings that long, and I found myself losing myself in the brushstrokes and feeling of space just like Cassi. I think I'll always remember at least some of the paintings we looked at.

At one point I happened to look across the room at a tour group, where the guide was pointing out her standard list of observations for a painting. Some technical notes, and a few historical and biographical facts. This seemed very wrongheaded to me all of a sudden, and I felt like the hypnotic response must be much closer to what the artist would have wanted: a totally nonintellectual, nonverbal, sensual immersion in the painting.

Mother and Child in a Boat, 1892, Edmund Charles Tarbell

Then with only a little time left, we agreed to use "attract mode". We walked quickly through a bunch of rooms, chatting, while I surreptitiously eyed the paintings coming up and wondering when one would "activate" her.

Then in the 3rd room we went into, all of a sudden she broke off what she was saying and walked wordlessly away from me to a painting on the far side of the gallery. Apart from the enjoyment I get out of observing any trance, this was the one thing that afternoon that I found a little sexy in the hypnokink way. I liked that she was captured and compelled by the art.

This happened about three more times, on one occasion extremely briefly. On one memorable occasion, we were chatting normally close to a big painting, when she fell silent - the painting hadn't done it for her at first, but then at some point tipped over to activating a trance. The unconscious is mysterious!
Gulf of Spezia, 1884, Henry Newman

We both wished we could have had a few hours more, but it was still terrific. I had an idea as we were about to part ways, for who knows how long. Sitting in the car with her, I said, would to be able to turn "attract mode" on for yourself, as a permanent post-hypnotic trigger? And Cassi loved the idea.

I had never set out to give someone a permanent post-hypnotic suggestion before, and it was both solemn and exciting. I dropped her back into trance, and gave that same suggestion, except with more repetition, and triggered by her saying the phrase silently to herself. Then I added more safety suggestions, such as that it would turn off by itself automatically in case she forgot, that it would not be active while driving, and so forth.

I told her, in trance, that it's a myth that post-hypnotic suggestions have to fade. In fact, if you enjoy them, they can stay just as strong, days, weeks, and even years later, and might even get stronger with time. I asked her to imagine the suggestion working just as powerfully for her years down the line. She told me afterward she had even pictured herself on her deathbed, asking for a painting and going into trance viewing it. Wow.

A couple of weeks later, she told me that she had taken another trip to the MFA, and it worked! Even though Cassi and I were not romantic partners, I feel very good about having this strong, permanent connection with her. It's such a strange thing, but a beautiful thing too. And learning hypnosis made it possible.