When I left Boston, things were just starting to get really, really good. It was painful to be torn away from it - even if it was for two beautiful years in Italy. Although it was an amazing period, and even included some public kink, such as workshops in Milan, Ireland, London, Switzerland, and of course NEEHU in Connecticut (twice!), I felt way too far from flourishing north american erotic hypnosis.
Now I've just completed a dizzyingly intense but very satisfactory career change (which is why I've been flying under the radar, even though I've been here since September). And it means I get to control where and how I live more than ever before. I choose Boston. Home of the New England Hypnosis Group, and striking distance to TES, the Geeky Kink Event, Deepmind Darkwood, the Fetish Flea Market, Manchester Hypnosis Munch, and many other wonderful events and groups. And it won't cost me $1000 to go to NEEHU, thank christ. And Boston is the big, tiny, brainy, knuckleheaded, loud, contemplative, historical, trendy, prudish, perverted city that's won my heart.
Most of all it's about the people - those unforgettable, super-creative, big-hearted kinksters I met during my previous 3 years here, and the future friends I hope to meet.
Now that I've found a home, my number two priority is building community - in particular, consent-oriented erotic hypnosis community. I want to be super involved in the exciting development of hypnosis as an art (including the art of negotiation) that happens when we exchange ideas and experiences. I want to see and do lots of sexy hypnosis. And I want to introduce it to many people and communities who have never heard of it or didn't think it could be their thing.
My number one priority is getting my girlfriend over here. My spectacular swiss miss khatsha, who completely outshines me in charm, style, and presenting ability - and is at least as big of a hypnoperv. Not only do I love her and love being around her, but she will make a fearsome partner in growing Boston hypnosis. We have a lot to figure out, and there's always risk, but I want this to happen so much, so soon. It won't be long now!
In the meantime, whether you're someone I knew from before, or a new acquaintance, I'm really looking forward to saying hi! It's just the beginning.
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
Monday, August 1, 2016
The Men Who Want to Live in Pornutopia
At least two friends asked me not to go to the party.
This was a few years ago in Boston. It was one in a series of retro 50s-themed parties, with only submissive women and only dominant men, and a Mad-Men-style dress code. In an earlier, public version of the description he wrote, "Women who come should expect to be groped!" (people got mad about that one, so he took it down)
Why did I go? First, a female friend invited me, and I knew two other female acquaintances that were going. Second, I was flattered to be invited to present about hypnosis, something I was longing to do, and to be invited to a closed sex party in general. Also, I wanted to.
But I recognized something in this ad - this is a guy who wants to live in pornutopia. Pornutopia is the world that mainstream, vanilla hetero porn takes place in (although the concept easily extends to kinky tastes), filled with only women who are hot and hyperfeminine to hetero male taste, have no limits, just want to please, and are willing with the slightest proposition. (it's also similar to Japanese dating videogames, or, if you're old like me, Leisure Suit Larry).
Our host, let's call him Pete, was a short muscular guy in his forties, who had transformed his small apartment into a 50s wonderland. Every piece of furniture was styled after the 50s and early 60s, immaculate mid-century modern, even the massive chrome fridge, which he proudly told us he had trained his sub to defrost. This interest went deep - I heard him give a little speech about how much more awesome the 50s were, which was impressive because he was talking to a black woman. When she gently pointed out it wasn't that awesome for black women, he let it pass by.
Despite that awkwardness, I was feeling pretty groovy. All of us were standing in the kitchen drinking martinis, the men in suits and ties, the women in pretty dresses that poofed. Vintage black and white porn was projected in a little square on a wall.
Both men and women spent a fair bit of time shit-talking other Boston kink events and communities: those folks are uptight and prudish, they're ready to condemn you for the slightest little thing, there's no sexiness - all they do at their parties is sit around and talk about consent and social justice. About the last point I thought to myself, they're not completely wrong.
Pete contrasted his own event and its safety approach, which is that he personally screened every invitee, male and female, by having dinner with them.
We did our hypnosis presentation. It went great.
Pete had said repeatedly, "I find that play begins organically over the course of the night." But it was pretty late, with just four men and three women left, when Pete clapped his hands and said, "Ok, now the play starts."
There was a public paddling over the kitchen table, and then two pairings started having sex in the living room. There was a not-great vibe - I heard the phrase, "how come you're the only one left with your bra on?" - but I stuck around. My friend was my ride home, and also I wanted to see. I was a year in the kink community, and had never been to a party with intercourse or oral sex. I was impressed that Pete had managed to create a porn-style orgy situation, even if on a smaller scale than he had clearly envisioned (a "Give oral sex to Pete" signup sheet that he was pointing out on the fridge remained sadly empty).
I learned later that my friend had a really bad night. Pete pressured her into having sex when she didn't want to.
She broke off their relationship. He continued cold-messaging submissive women who are new to Fetlife to invite them to his parties.
I am responsible for supporting this party and the things that happened at it. I also received oral sex for a bit, a point that I have deleted and rewritten tons of times because I feel ashamed of it, and then ashamed of being ashamed (it was a sex party after all!), and also because I don't want to seem like I am slut-shaming the woman who offered it.
But at least I've learned this. Don't try to create pornutopia. Don't round off, when you get so close to pornutopia that you feel like you could really live there - with a little push. (in case I'm being too subtle, that's how my friend got raped.)
And watch out for those fuckers who do.
This was a few years ago in Boston. It was one in a series of retro 50s-themed parties, with only submissive women and only dominant men, and a Mad-Men-style dress code. In an earlier, public version of the description he wrote, "Women who come should expect to be groped!" (people got mad about that one, so he took it down)
Why did I go? First, a female friend invited me, and I knew two other female acquaintances that were going. Second, I was flattered to be invited to present about hypnosis, something I was longing to do, and to be invited to a closed sex party in general. Also, I wanted to.
But I recognized something in this ad - this is a guy who wants to live in pornutopia. Pornutopia is the world that mainstream, vanilla hetero porn takes place in (although the concept easily extends to kinky tastes), filled with only women who are hot and hyperfeminine to hetero male taste, have no limits, just want to please, and are willing with the slightest proposition. (it's also similar to Japanese dating videogames, or, if you're old like me, Leisure Suit Larry).
Our host, let's call him Pete, was a short muscular guy in his forties, who had transformed his small apartment into a 50s wonderland. Every piece of furniture was styled after the 50s and early 60s, immaculate mid-century modern, even the massive chrome fridge, which he proudly told us he had trained his sub to defrost. This interest went deep - I heard him give a little speech about how much more awesome the 50s were, which was impressive because he was talking to a black woman. When she gently pointed out it wasn't that awesome for black women, he let it pass by.
Despite that awkwardness, I was feeling pretty groovy. All of us were standing in the kitchen drinking martinis, the men in suits and ties, the women in pretty dresses that poofed. Vintage black and white porn was projected in a little square on a wall.
Both men and women spent a fair bit of time shit-talking other Boston kink events and communities: those folks are uptight and prudish, they're ready to condemn you for the slightest little thing, there's no sexiness - all they do at their parties is sit around and talk about consent and social justice. About the last point I thought to myself, they're not completely wrong.
Pete contrasted his own event and its safety approach, which is that he personally screened every invitee, male and female, by having dinner with them.
We did our hypnosis presentation. It went great.
Pete had said repeatedly, "I find that play begins organically over the course of the night." But it was pretty late, with just four men and three women left, when Pete clapped his hands and said, "Ok, now the play starts."
There was a public paddling over the kitchen table, and then two pairings started having sex in the living room. There was a not-great vibe - I heard the phrase, "how come you're the only one left with your bra on?" - but I stuck around. My friend was my ride home, and also I wanted to see. I was a year in the kink community, and had never been to a party with intercourse or oral sex. I was impressed that Pete had managed to create a porn-style orgy situation, even if on a smaller scale than he had clearly envisioned (a "Give oral sex to Pete" signup sheet that he was pointing out on the fridge remained sadly empty).
I learned later that my friend had a really bad night. Pete pressured her into having sex when she didn't want to.
She broke off their relationship. He continued cold-messaging submissive women who are new to Fetlife to invite them to his parties.
I am responsible for supporting this party and the things that happened at it. I also received oral sex for a bit, a point that I have deleted and rewritten tons of times because I feel ashamed of it, and then ashamed of being ashamed (it was a sex party after all!), and also because I don't want to seem like I am slut-shaming the woman who offered it.
But at least I've learned this. Don't try to create pornutopia. Don't round off, when you get so close to pornutopia that you feel like you could really live there - with a little push. (in case I'm being too subtle, that's how my friend got raped.)
And watch out for those fuckers who do.
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Safety and Security (An Erotic Hypnosis Story)
- And WAKE UP.
- ...You're having fun, aren't you.
- It's not my fault the intro animation for the inflight entertainment is hypnotic! I barely had to give you a nudge.
- What you call a nudge, some people would call grabbing my hair and shoving my face into your chest.
- And you loved it. Even without the constant hypnosis, though, this is a pretty nice flight. The touchscreen works, and we will get tiny food items!
- Yeah! I just wish we didn't have to go through US security. That's going to suck.
- Ok, hang on, I'm going to do something to your brain. By the way, I like that I can just say that now, and you have to go along with it.
- Yes you can, and yes I do.
- And now you're blushing. Head back on the headrest, and SLEEP
- So this is it. Beyond those doors lies the TSA and the American airport security aparatus. How do you feel?
- I'm pretty freaked out.
- AMBER WAVES OF GRAIN.
- That did something, right? It must have. What did it do?
- What do you think it did?
- I don't know, I feel the same. You're going to get me, aren't you.
- Ok here we are. You see up ahead we're going to have to split up, since I've got a Canadian and you have a European passport. What do you think of your first view of the TSA?
- Wow...it's so much more efficient than I thought it would be. They're really good at their jobs!
- Yes, that's what the TSA is famous for.
- You're sarcastic, I can tell, but they really are pretty amazing! Super thorough and careful...I think these must be the elite!
- Maybe today we got their A squad.
- And...they're kind of sexy.
- I guess if you're into no-iron pleated pants...
- THAT'S what you did to me! You made me lust after the TSA officials!
- I will neither confirm nor deny that.
- Well the joke's on you, because competence is sexy anyway, and that's what they all have. I'd like to see someone attack America with these guys on the job! You'd have to be an idiot to try.
- You see everybody taking off their shoes and putting them on the conveyor belt? What do you think about that?
- ...I mean I read Bruce Schneier about that-
- It's for your safety and security.
- Then of course! I'll start taking them off right now!
- You see that guard confiscation that 3/4 empty water bottle from that old lady?
- Yes, that makes sense. Because of liquid explosives. They really have a tight net.
- Now you see him drop that water bottle, that might be explosives, to the bottom of that garbage bin 6 inches to the left? That makes sense?
- Absolutely. I can tell he knows what he's doing. So hot.
- I'll bet you'd have no problem getting a full body scan right now?
- It's part of the modern technology keeping America safe, so of course!
- Wouldn't you feel kind of exposed and submissive, with your arms overhead like that, and an agent watching your naked body on his screen?
- It's a pleasure to comply with the TSA. And if that guy gets to see my nipples - um, actually yay.
- Let's say the scanner is broken. Would you be ok with an invasive body search?
- Of course, it's all part of how it works. It's a well-oiled security machine.
- Even if they made you take off your clothes?
- What, like in a room off to the side?
- No, here, in front of all these people standing in line.
- Well-
- It would be for your safety and security.
- Then yes, absolutely. It's a pleasure to comply.
- Let's say that lady starts running the wand over your naked body, in a way that feels like she's definitely getting off on it.
- Well I'm sure it would actually be for professional reasons.
- And that other agent is staring at you and clearly has an erection.
- Uh, ok!
- You'd do anything they told you to do, would you?
- Yes. If it's for my safety and security, of course.
- Like let's say that big guy with the beard bent you over that metal table, smeared lubricant on his glove and started pumping two fingers in and out of your pussy. And the other agents are laughing at you in a mean way.
- ...safety and security?
- Yes.
- Him?
- Yes.
- ...then I guess I wouldn't need the lube...In fact I'm pretty good right now.
- Ok, here's where we split up. In five minutes it will all be over. Ready to comply?
- Mmhmm.
- See that's not so bad, right?
- That was EXHILIRATING. Mmmmm. Can we do it again?
- Ha ha. You've got a nice rosy glow to you.
- I had no idea how good the TSA is at this. And how good they look doing it! So awesome. Why doesn't everybody just imitate the Americans? And I almost feel guilty about enjoying those fringe benefits...
- You want me to turn it off now?
- I don't know, whatever you did must have been pretty light.
- Really? What do you think of America?
- It's the greatest country in the world, and a shining beacon of light to all the others. Ok, you need to turn it off. I am really going to have social problems with my friends back home.
- FRANCO UN-AMERICAN.
- America has lots of problems, and all that was worthless security theater. Phew, that's better.
- Welcome back!
- ...I didn't really get fucked by the TSA, did I?
- Do you feel like you did?
- Yes.
- Well, then that's all that matters.
Inspired by a real scene, but no federal employees were perved on in the making of it.
- ...You're having fun, aren't you.
- It's not my fault the intro animation for the inflight entertainment is hypnotic! I barely had to give you a nudge.
- What you call a nudge, some people would call grabbing my hair and shoving my face into your chest.
- And you loved it. Even without the constant hypnosis, though, this is a pretty nice flight. The touchscreen works, and we will get tiny food items!
- Yeah! I just wish we didn't have to go through US security. That's going to suck.
- Ok, hang on, I'm going to do something to your brain. By the way, I like that I can just say that now, and you have to go along with it.
- Yes you can, and yes I do.
- And now you're blushing. Head back on the headrest, and SLEEP
- So this is it. Beyond those doors lies the TSA and the American airport security aparatus. How do you feel?
- I'm pretty freaked out.
- AMBER WAVES OF GRAIN.
- That did something, right? It must have. What did it do?
- What do you think it did?
- I don't know, I feel the same. You're going to get me, aren't you.
- Ok here we are. You see up ahead we're going to have to split up, since I've got a Canadian and you have a European passport. What do you think of your first view of the TSA?
- Wow...it's so much more efficient than I thought it would be. They're really good at their jobs!
- Yes, that's what the TSA is famous for.
- You're sarcastic, I can tell, but they really are pretty amazing! Super thorough and careful...I think these must be the elite!
- Maybe today we got their A squad.
- And...they're kind of sexy.
- I guess if you're into no-iron pleated pants...
- THAT'S what you did to me! You made me lust after the TSA officials!
- I will neither confirm nor deny that.
- Well the joke's on you, because competence is sexy anyway, and that's what they all have. I'd like to see someone attack America with these guys on the job! You'd have to be an idiot to try.
- You see everybody taking off their shoes and putting them on the conveyor belt? What do you think about that?
- ...I mean I read Bruce Schneier about that-
- It's for your safety and security.
- Then of course! I'll start taking them off right now!
- You see that guard confiscation that 3/4 empty water bottle from that old lady?
- Yes, that makes sense. Because of liquid explosives. They really have a tight net.
- Now you see him drop that water bottle, that might be explosives, to the bottom of that garbage bin 6 inches to the left? That makes sense?
- Absolutely. I can tell he knows what he's doing. So hot.
- I'll bet you'd have no problem getting a full body scan right now?
- It's part of the modern technology keeping America safe, so of course!
- Wouldn't you feel kind of exposed and submissive, with your arms overhead like that, and an agent watching your naked body on his screen?
- It's a pleasure to comply with the TSA. And if that guy gets to see my nipples - um, actually yay.
- Let's say the scanner is broken. Would you be ok with an invasive body search?
- Of course, it's all part of how it works. It's a well-oiled security machine.
- Even if they made you take off your clothes?
- What, like in a room off to the side?
- No, here, in front of all these people standing in line.
- Well-
- It would be for your safety and security.
- Then yes, absolutely. It's a pleasure to comply.
- Let's say that lady starts running the wand over your naked body, in a way that feels like she's definitely getting off on it.
- Well I'm sure it would actually be for professional reasons.
- And that other agent is staring at you and clearly has an erection.
- Uh, ok!
- You'd do anything they told you to do, would you?
- Yes. If it's for my safety and security, of course.
- Like let's say that big guy with the beard bent you over that metal table, smeared lubricant on his glove and started pumping two fingers in and out of your pussy. And the other agents are laughing at you in a mean way.
- ...safety and security?
- Yes.
- Him?
- Yes.
- ...then I guess I wouldn't need the lube...In fact I'm pretty good right now.
- Ok, here's where we split up. In five minutes it will all be over. Ready to comply?
- Mmhmm.
- See that's not so bad, right?
- That was EXHILIRATING. Mmmmm. Can we do it again?
- Ha ha. You've got a nice rosy glow to you.
- I had no idea how good the TSA is at this. And how good they look doing it! So awesome. Why doesn't everybody just imitate the Americans? And I almost feel guilty about enjoying those fringe benefits...
- You want me to turn it off now?
- I don't know, whatever you did must have been pretty light.
- Really? What do you think of America?
- It's the greatest country in the world, and a shining beacon of light to all the others. Ok, you need to turn it off. I am really going to have social problems with my friends back home.
- FRANCO UN-AMERICAN.
- America has lots of problems, and all that was worthless security theater. Phew, that's better.
- Welcome back!
- ...I didn't really get fucked by the TSA, did I?
- Do you feel like you did?
- Yes.
- Well, then that's all that matters.
Inspired by a real scene, but no federal employees were perved on in the making of it.
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
NEEHU 7: I Want It All
I'm standing in the pool, with one arm under khatsha's knees and another supporting her head, keeping her face above the surface. Her eyes are closed and her face muscles are slack - trusting, dreaming. I'm turning gently, letting the water brush past her, deepening the trance. She's drifting in my arms. Later she'll have no idea how much time passed, and neither will I. One moment.
So I took khatsha to the New England Erotic Hypnosis Unconference 7. As my friend abbystract would say, this was a Good Life Decision. NEEHU is amazing no matter what, but if you can swing it, I recommend bringing a super sexy and charming hypnofetishist partner.
The particular joy of it for me was seeing it through her eyes, a whole world of hot possibilities and things to learn about. To go from thinking she was literally the only one with those kind of perverted fantasies (no thanks to Fetlife blocking "hypnosis" from search results!) to being in a dungeon for four days with 150 hypnokinksters, well, that was awesome just to stand next to.
First we flew, from Italy and Switzerland respectively, to England for Lee Allure's London Hypnosis Workshop, which was spectacular on its own and a great chance for me to introduce her to my English kinkster friends.
Lee lectured to a living room of about 30 people, and led us through many great exercises, such as a mutual trance. Especially Lee's demo with lizzydoll was scorchingly hot, and so was the play party on Saturday night, where among many tricks and games I made khatsha believe she was running around naked. Interestingly, that is how that evening has been encoded in her memory.
On Sunday I had a scene I'd been planning for ages with FeminineLogic, my Birmingham Skype playmate, where everything I said would be perceived as outrageous innuendo, which went wonderfully with her natural raunchiness and great laugh. But just as memorable for me was having disgusting fried food items at a chip shop with khatsha and FeminineLogic, driving around Croydon and Battersea, singing the Kinks in the car, sitting on the floor of the Travelodge room and drinking blackberry wine, and having the full monty english breakfast in an ancient pub.
After a nice few days in Boston recharging, we were delighted to ride to Connecticut on Thursday with JasmineFairy and DeviantSimian, two of my favourite hypno people from my Boston days.
In my 3rd year, the dungeon of The Society in Hartford, CT is starting to feel positively homey, though it was fun to imagine it as a newcomer - it looks like a real estate office where a Halloween party planner cleared out the furniture and overcommitted to a Salem witch trial theme, complete with lots of wooden furniture with straps. I loved walking around the dungeon and introducing khatsha to all my hypnofriends, many of whom, like Chewtoy and Wiseguy, she was super excited to meet from their online activity. A part I didn't love: pointing out the people who have consent violation accusations against them.
Over the four days, some of the best moments were the most spontaneous, like when we were all sitting around in the lounge area and Pinky blew soap bubbles at khatsha, and I started telling her that with every bubble that hit her, she'd feel a burst of pleasure, and get more bubbly and silly with each bubble. Pinky turned it into a co-topping scene, blowing lots and lots of bubbles into khatsha's face, which she caught with childlike joy. Pinky started to tease her that there were no more bubbles left at one point. Though we laughed at her reaction, khatsha told me later that she'd experienced genuine pain and sorrow at that idea. A good lesson: even if the vulnerability is meant to be silly and artificial, feelings still need to be taken seriously.
Our class was scheduled for 9 a.m. on Saturday - my first time ever presenting at NEEHU! Here is the class description:
To my surprise, despite the early hour we had practically a full classroom! I'm really grateful that people made it - khatsha gave everyone swiss chocolate as a thank you for waking up. All of my evil suggestions went beautifully, and khatsha got solid laughs with her clever strategies for resistance. For example, at one point I made her say the word "broccoli" every time she thought of a penis. It's my sexy/mean version of "don't think of a white bear". But khatsha, using her hacker problem-solving, realized that it would only be triggered if she stopped thinking about penis, and then thought about them again. And so she set her mind to only think about a penis.
khatsha didn't want to be considered a co-presenter, out of nerves, but rather wanted to think of herself as demo bottom, despite her critical role in the planning. However she changed her tune when she heard presenters get free "American pizza!" In any case she very much earned the title.
(other American delicacies she was excited to try on this trip: cream soda, Stouffer's Microwave Macaroni and Cheese, the corn dog, Butterfinger, and Twinkies. I tried to warn her about the Twinkies!)
Disaster struck on Saturday afternoon, in the form of a cold. That I got. OH NO!!! Exhausted, I missed all of Saturday afternoon and evening (except for the play party), and all of Sunday until the closing ceremonies! I lay in my hotel bed, writhing in a spicy broth of self pity. Why me? Why does it have to be NEEHU??
I made it to so few classes that I can appreciate them individually. Lee and Hypnosaurus's Trance-formation Combat was an unforgettable display of primeval savagery, as Hypnosaurus and AshcatRed struggled on the carpet for 90 seconds that left them both covered with bruises and scratches. The other combatants were spectacular too, but one of the most thrilling and sexy sights at the conference for me was Hypnosaurus kneeling shirtless at Lee's feet, in trance, her leaning down from her chair to murmur the instructions to turn him into a brave, territorial velociraptor. And Lee's expression of fascinated glee as her dinosaur went into battle.
I saw the confusion play class by the always dashing, always twisted D'Atargnan, and khatsha and I connected beautifully in LordPercival's Rope as Connection class. Though I was mostly out of it due to the cold, I liked Ariadne's Creative Inductions class, where attendees tranced each other with dollar store items chosen out of a bag. I sent khatsha to ZanyM's hypnotic breathplay class, knowing it would blow her away, and it did - man it was fun splitting up and then comparing notes later. Finally, the mentored practice was a fantastic idea, and I got to fulfill my ambition of getting feedback on my technique, from someone I'm a big fan of SpiralTurquoise.
As usual, I suffer looking at all the fantastic classes I missed, but I'm glad I prioritized hanging out with friends. But there wasn't - nearly - enough of everything!!
I saved up my energy and rallied for the saturday night play party, which was a feast for the senses of hypnotic sexiness. Something cool was happening in every corner of the dungeon - not to mention the big public medical experimentation scene happening in the middle, with men and women in lab coats sticking various probes into two moaning naked women lying on tables, noting their reactions on clipboards and cracking jokes.
I got to play with CalamityBrain in the dungeon, a big improvement over Skype! We did some old favourites, like Zeno's Orgasm (that one is my favourite, definitely not hers), and some new and very hot suggestions afforded by being there in person. Later in the evening there was a moment where I and Ariadne were hypnotizing Calamity by lifting and dropping her own boobs - one person per boob.
khatsha got some good play too with various folks, which was really fun for me because I got to hear about other tops' approaches. Then she joined me to go find GleefulAbandon for a scene that was one of my top fantasies. I sat in a comfy chair and they sat on the floor at my feet together, and we started a three-way negotiation. At one point, khatsha said, "Hey, I'm not so sure about that. I don't want to do anything with imagery of damaging my brain." Not having any idea what she was talking about, I said, "Ok, for sure, I'll keep that in mind. But - why?" It turned out she had heard misheard me saying "co-bottoming" as "lobotomy". As in, "are you ok with a lobotomy scene?" This is NEEHU, where if you think you hear that, you have to take it seriously!
After we cleared that up, I had khatsha and GleefulAbandon look into each other's eyes, and I told them to look for signs of trance beginning in each other, and to feel them mirrored in their own body and face. I was beside myself looking back and forth as they quickly, inevitably dropped.
Later we did some of my more intricate pleasure triggers, and it was fascinating how their brains interpreted them differently. Then khatsha and I were both giving GleefulAbandon pleasure, just by stroking her hand, and we looked at each other and realized we absolutely hadn't negotiated anything beyond this even though things were getting hot as hell. Since they were both newly fractionated and fuzzy it wouldn't be ok to negotiate more. I play with lots of consent red tape, but sometimes it hurts! Still an amazing memory.
Another dream come true: getting to know Wiseguy and Dani. Actually, again, this is all khatsha's doing. She went up to him in the hall and said, "I just did my first hypnotic handshake, and I don't see what's so great about it. It's so slow!"
He boggled at her for a second. I boggled at her for a second.
Finally I said to Wiseguy, "You have to realize, she's a pickup artist of hypnotists. You're experiencing her game."
Luckily he laughed, and of course dropped her swiftly with a handshake. Then later, invited us to tag along to dinner! Amazing southern-style BBQ, slopped onto paper placemats.
It meant a lot to be able to chat and ask lots of questions, since Wiseguy and Dani were the first example I'd ever seen of a long term hypnotic couple, years ago at a Mind Play launch event in Massachussetts. So much about how they interacted stuck with me, especially how post-hypnotic triggers could deepen with years of reinforcement, and be a natural and daily part of a relationship. We also talked about building community, something Wiseguy has been central to all along.
I'm so glad I made it to the hotel pool, a Sunday night tradition, and (eventually) to the Dunkin' Donuts breakfast on Monday. We got to spend more time with CalamityBrain on the way back to the over-the-top Cambridge B&B I booked (oh the floral wallpaper! Sat and forever am at work here! Gilmore Girls fans, anyone?), but not before sampling the very American delights of a Hartford Buffalo Wild Wings.
Then there was more wonderful time with just me and khatsha, a few days in Boston and London heavily emphasizing the sins of Lust, Gluttony and Sloth. Again, some of the best memories are the simplest, like showing her Labyrinth on a laptop in Logan Airport, watching her eyes get bigger and bigger at certain scenes. Many of my readers can guess which ones. (by the way I asked, "So did you identify with Sarah?" She said, "Actually, with Sir Didymus!")
Part of why this took so long to finish is that I've been trying to come up with some conclusion that goes deeper than, "yay NEEHU!" and "yay having a partner!"
About the latter: even though every year has been life-changingly amazing, if you read between the lines of my previous NEEHU posts I certainly had my moments of wallflowerism, and tended to retire early - one night I got invited to a suite party, knocked on the door, and had someone say, "we're busy in here!" and close it in my face. I went back to my room and consoled myself with Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt using my old roommates Netflix password. Later that night, my roommate got lucky. So, this year was a lot better. (I got lucky! With khatsha!)
But it was also a reinforcement to me to not be afraid to make big plans, and have big hopes: just because I look forward to something for months, doesn't mean it won't happen, and be fucking awesome. (and worrying about something like getting a cold won't stop it, but it also doesn't have to ruin things) Don't lower your expectations. And work to make these hopes come true: setting up all those planes and rides and six different hotel rooms was so intimidating - not to mention betting a lot on a relatively new relationship - but we did it, and we got the reward.
And in just weeks I'm heading back to North America. This is just the beginning.
So I took khatsha to the New England Erotic Hypnosis Unconference 7. As my friend abbystract would say, this was a Good Life Decision. NEEHU is amazing no matter what, but if you can swing it, I recommend bringing a super sexy and charming hypnofetishist partner.
The particular joy of it for me was seeing it through her eyes, a whole world of hot possibilities and things to learn about. To go from thinking she was literally the only one with those kind of perverted fantasies (no thanks to Fetlife blocking "hypnosis" from search results!) to being in a dungeon for four days with 150 hypnokinksters, well, that was awesome just to stand next to.
First we flew, from Italy and Switzerland respectively, to England for Lee Allure's London Hypnosis Workshop, which was spectacular on its own and a great chance for me to introduce her to my English kinkster friends.
Lee lectured to a living room of about 30 people, and led us through many great exercises, such as a mutual trance. Especially Lee's demo with lizzydoll was scorchingly hot, and so was the play party on Saturday night, where among many tricks and games I made khatsha believe she was running around naked. Interestingly, that is how that evening has been encoded in her memory.
On Sunday I had a scene I'd been planning for ages with FeminineLogic, my Birmingham Skype playmate, where everything I said would be perceived as outrageous innuendo, which went wonderfully with her natural raunchiness and great laugh. But just as memorable for me was having disgusting fried food items at a chip shop with khatsha and FeminineLogic, driving around Croydon and Battersea, singing the Kinks in the car, sitting on the floor of the Travelodge room and drinking blackberry wine, and having the full monty english breakfast in an ancient pub.
After a nice few days in Boston recharging, we were delighted to ride to Connecticut on Thursday with JasmineFairy and DeviantSimian, two of my favourite hypno people from my Boston days.
In my 3rd year, the dungeon of The Society in Hartford, CT is starting to feel positively homey, though it was fun to imagine it as a newcomer - it looks like a real estate office where a Halloween party planner cleared out the furniture and overcommitted to a Salem witch trial theme, complete with lots of wooden furniture with straps. I loved walking around the dungeon and introducing khatsha to all my hypnofriends, many of whom, like Chewtoy and Wiseguy, she was super excited to meet from their online activity. A part I didn't love: pointing out the people who have consent violation accusations against them.
Over the four days, some of the best moments were the most spontaneous, like when we were all sitting around in the lounge area and Pinky blew soap bubbles at khatsha, and I started telling her that with every bubble that hit her, she'd feel a burst of pleasure, and get more bubbly and silly with each bubble. Pinky turned it into a co-topping scene, blowing lots and lots of bubbles into khatsha's face, which she caught with childlike joy. Pinky started to tease her that there were no more bubbles left at one point. Though we laughed at her reaction, khatsha told me later that she'd experienced genuine pain and sorrow at that idea. A good lesson: even if the vulnerability is meant to be silly and artificial, feelings still need to be taken seriously.
Our class was scheduled for 9 a.m. on Saturday - my first time ever presenting at NEEHU! Here is the class description:
Resistance is Useless: The Pleasures of Struggling and Losing
For some hypnotic subjects and their hypnotists, the most delicious thing
is the struggle: struggling not to go into trance, to resist temptation, to
escape ridiculous and humiliating hypnotic predicaments. In this class I
will present totally devious hypnotic suggestions, involving both external
and internal battles of will (which I cheat to win!). They will have your
partner saying "I hate you!" in the warmest possible way...
To my surprise, despite the early hour we had practically a full classroom! I'm really grateful that people made it - khatsha gave everyone swiss chocolate as a thank you for waking up. All of my evil suggestions went beautifully, and khatsha got solid laughs with her clever strategies for resistance. For example, at one point I made her say the word "broccoli" every time she thought of a penis. It's my sexy/mean version of "don't think of a white bear". But khatsha, using her hacker problem-solving, realized that it would only be triggered if she stopped thinking about penis, and then thought about them again. And so she set her mind to only think about a penis.
khatsha didn't want to be considered a co-presenter, out of nerves, but rather wanted to think of herself as demo bottom, despite her critical role in the planning. However she changed her tune when she heard presenters get free "American pizza!" In any case she very much earned the title.
(other American delicacies she was excited to try on this trip: cream soda, Stouffer's Microwave Macaroni and Cheese, the corn dog, Butterfinger, and Twinkies. I tried to warn her about the Twinkies!)
Disaster struck on Saturday afternoon, in the form of a cold. That I got. OH NO!!! Exhausted, I missed all of Saturday afternoon and evening (except for the play party), and all of Sunday until the closing ceremonies! I lay in my hotel bed, writhing in a spicy broth of self pity. Why me? Why does it have to be NEEHU??
I made it to so few classes that I can appreciate them individually. Lee and Hypnosaurus's Trance-formation Combat was an unforgettable display of primeval savagery, as Hypnosaurus and AshcatRed struggled on the carpet for 90 seconds that left them both covered with bruises and scratches. The other combatants were spectacular too, but one of the most thrilling and sexy sights at the conference for me was Hypnosaurus kneeling shirtless at Lee's feet, in trance, her leaning down from her chair to murmur the instructions to turn him into a brave, territorial velociraptor. And Lee's expression of fascinated glee as her dinosaur went into battle.
I saw the confusion play class by the always dashing, always twisted D'Atargnan, and khatsha and I connected beautifully in LordPercival's Rope as Connection class. Though I was mostly out of it due to the cold, I liked Ariadne's Creative Inductions class, where attendees tranced each other with dollar store items chosen out of a bag. I sent khatsha to ZanyM's hypnotic breathplay class, knowing it would blow her away, and it did - man it was fun splitting up and then comparing notes later. Finally, the mentored practice was a fantastic idea, and I got to fulfill my ambition of getting feedback on my technique, from someone I'm a big fan of SpiralTurquoise.
As usual, I suffer looking at all the fantastic classes I missed, but I'm glad I prioritized hanging out with friends. But there wasn't - nearly - enough of everything!!
I saved up my energy and rallied for the saturday night play party, which was a feast for the senses of hypnotic sexiness. Something cool was happening in every corner of the dungeon - not to mention the big public medical experimentation scene happening in the middle, with men and women in lab coats sticking various probes into two moaning naked women lying on tables, noting their reactions on clipboards and cracking jokes.
I got to play with CalamityBrain in the dungeon, a big improvement over Skype! We did some old favourites, like Zeno's Orgasm (that one is my favourite, definitely not hers), and some new and very hot suggestions afforded by being there in person. Later in the evening there was a moment where I and Ariadne were hypnotizing Calamity by lifting and dropping her own boobs - one person per boob.
khatsha got some good play too with various folks, which was really fun for me because I got to hear about other tops' approaches. Then she joined me to go find GleefulAbandon for a scene that was one of my top fantasies. I sat in a comfy chair and they sat on the floor at my feet together, and we started a three-way negotiation. At one point, khatsha said, "Hey, I'm not so sure about that. I don't want to do anything with imagery of damaging my brain." Not having any idea what she was talking about, I said, "Ok, for sure, I'll keep that in mind. But - why?" It turned out she had heard misheard me saying "co-bottoming" as "lobotomy". As in, "are you ok with a lobotomy scene?" This is NEEHU, where if you think you hear that, you have to take it seriously!
After we cleared that up, I had khatsha and GleefulAbandon look into each other's eyes, and I told them to look for signs of trance beginning in each other, and to feel them mirrored in their own body and face. I was beside myself looking back and forth as they quickly, inevitably dropped.
Later we did some of my more intricate pleasure triggers, and it was fascinating how their brains interpreted them differently. Then khatsha and I were both giving GleefulAbandon pleasure, just by stroking her hand, and we looked at each other and realized we absolutely hadn't negotiated anything beyond this even though things were getting hot as hell. Since they were both newly fractionated and fuzzy it wouldn't be ok to negotiate more. I play with lots of consent red tape, but sometimes it hurts! Still an amazing memory.
Another dream come true: getting to know Wiseguy and Dani. Actually, again, this is all khatsha's doing. She went up to him in the hall and said, "I just did my first hypnotic handshake, and I don't see what's so great about it. It's so slow!"
He boggled at her for a second. I boggled at her for a second.
Finally I said to Wiseguy, "You have to realize, she's a pickup artist of hypnotists. You're experiencing her game."
Luckily he laughed, and of course dropped her swiftly with a handshake. Then later, invited us to tag along to dinner! Amazing southern-style BBQ, slopped onto paper placemats.
It meant a lot to be able to chat and ask lots of questions, since Wiseguy and Dani were the first example I'd ever seen of a long term hypnotic couple, years ago at a Mind Play launch event in Massachussetts. So much about how they interacted stuck with me, especially how post-hypnotic triggers could deepen with years of reinforcement, and be a natural and daily part of a relationship. We also talked about building community, something Wiseguy has been central to all along.
I'm so glad I made it to the hotel pool, a Sunday night tradition, and (eventually) to the Dunkin' Donuts breakfast on Monday. We got to spend more time with CalamityBrain on the way back to the over-the-top Cambridge B&B I booked (oh the floral wallpaper! Sat and forever am at work here! Gilmore Girls fans, anyone?), but not before sampling the very American delights of a Hartford Buffalo Wild Wings.
Then there was more wonderful time with just me and khatsha, a few days in Boston and London heavily emphasizing the sins of Lust, Gluttony and Sloth. Again, some of the best memories are the simplest, like showing her Labyrinth on a laptop in Logan Airport, watching her eyes get bigger and bigger at certain scenes. Many of my readers can guess which ones. (by the way I asked, "So did you identify with Sarah?" She said, "Actually, with Sir Didymus!")
Part of why this took so long to finish is that I've been trying to come up with some conclusion that goes deeper than, "yay NEEHU!" and "yay having a partner!"
About the latter: even though every year has been life-changingly amazing, if you read between the lines of my previous NEEHU posts I certainly had my moments of wallflowerism, and tended to retire early - one night I got invited to a suite party, knocked on the door, and had someone say, "we're busy in here!" and close it in my face. I went back to my room and consoled myself with Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt using my old roommates Netflix password. Later that night, my roommate got lucky. So, this year was a lot better. (I got lucky! With khatsha!)
But it was also a reinforcement to me to not be afraid to make big plans, and have big hopes: just because I look forward to something for months, doesn't mean it won't happen, and be fucking awesome. (and worrying about something like getting a cold won't stop it, but it also doesn't have to ruin things) Don't lower your expectations. And work to make these hopes come true: setting up all those planes and rides and six different hotel rooms was so intimidating - not to mention betting a lot on a relatively new relationship - but we did it, and we got the reward.
And in just weeks I'm heading back to North America. This is just the beginning.
Thursday, March 3, 2016
I'm Changing My Major to Kink
Oh my god last night. Oh my god, ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod last night...I've lost my virginity three times: Once when a woman touched me, with intent, for the first time (my first intercourse, only a week or two later, is almost an afterthought in my memory); once when I pinned a submissive girlfriend to the carpet and first saw that look in her eyes; and once when I hypnotized someone for the first time. After each one, the world changed.
(in case that video link is broken, search for "fun home changing my major")
I don't know who I am / I've become someone new.
Nothing I just did, is anything I would do.I just paid a huge amount of money, took two weeks of vacation time, and spent hours arranging flights, rides and hotels, so that I can go to the New England Hypnosis Unconference (and the London Hypnosis Workshop). I'm leaving Italy, to spend a little time in urban Connecticut in March! I'm leaving tomorrow.
There's a big part of me, maybe it's my respectable canadian protestant side, that is very uncomfortable with making all this effort and sacrifice for hedonism.
Which is what this is. I could say it's to be with community and friends, which it is - the North American hypno community is amazing, and some of my favourite people will be there, people I can't wait to see and hug after a whole year away - and I could say it's about learning and growing, which it is - if I could somehow split myself into four, I could attend something like *80 hours* of classes about erotic hypnosis, not to mention insane opportunities to see most of the best erotic hypnotists at work, and to try out every technique and hypothesis I've ever heard of.
But really it's about sex.
I’m changing my major to sex with Joan, / With a minor in kissing Joan.
Foreign studies to Joan's inner thighs. / A seminar on Joan’s ass in her Levi’s...The chance to have lots of hot, weird hypnotic sex. Which can be all kinds of things - not necessarily involving touch. For me, anything from a sexy induction, to hypnotically-enhanced intercourse (and beyond...). It's all sex. And I'm going to have it with my partner khatsha, in many locations and novel modes, and with lots of other people too.
But I'm in my mid 30s. All my friends have babies and houses. How can I justify putting so much emphasis on sex?
All I can say to answer that is that sex is important. And I'm about to compare being kinky to being gay, but only in one specific way: without a culturally-approved script to follow, about the proper ways to have and enjoy sex, the discovery of sex can turn your life upside down.
Because you turn it upside down yourself, on purpose.
What I've been quoting is the song "Changing my Major to Joan", from the musical Fun Home. It's the writers' interpretation of the author Alison Bechdel at age 17, the morning after her first lesbian experience. She was a cripplingly bookish Pennsylvian teen, who was ultra sophisticated in some ways but didn't know anything about her body or her sexuality. (in fact she discovered she was gay by reading a book). But sex and love with women immediately rewrote her life and art: as she says, "I exploded out of the closet." She started spending all her free time on campus activism and LGBT community, and then decades writing and drawing a comic strip called "Dykes to Watch Out For". (which I love)
When it takes this much effort to have the kind of sex you want, even to figure out that's what you want, you better believe it goes right to the middle of your identity.
Overnight everything changed / I am not prepared
I'm dizzy, I'm nauseous, I'm shaky / I'm scared
Am I falling into nothingness / Or flying into something so sublime?Another person who turned his life upside down for sex is the english writer Christopher Isherwood. I just finished reading his memoir "Christopher and his Kind". Immediately before that I read "Berlin Stories", about his time in Berlin in the 1930s, which was made into a stage play, a movie, a broadway musical (Cabaret) and a movie of that musical.
But why did he move to Berlin and start learning German at the age of 24, rather than settling into a profession like most of his peers? The first book is foggy about that, whereas the second memoir, written 40 years later, is crystal clear: "To Christopher, Berlin meant Boys."
He was encouraged to go by W.H. Auden, who was also there to have lots of sex with hot working class Germans: "I can still make myself faintly feel the delicious nausea of initiation terror which Christopher felt as Wystan pushed back the heavy leather door curtain of a boy bar called the Cosy Corner and led the way inside."
He talked a bit about reading a passage by rogue psychotherapist John Layard that inspired him to change his life so much, and not just accept himself as gay but to really *go for it*.
When Christopher heard [that passage], he was even more excited than Wystan had been, for they justified a change in his own life which he had been longing but not quite daring to make. Now he burned to put them into practice, to unchain his desires and hurl reason and sanity into prison.
The rest of the book goes into satisfying detail about the romances and large amount of fucking he had in Berlin - non of which can be found in Berlin Stories. And by the way, if you think the modern kink community invented power-exchange sex games (including switching), assumed polyamory and polyfuckery, and rough bodyplay, you should read this book! He was into all three!
This rough athletic sexmaking was excellent isometric exercise. It strengthened Christopher’s muscles more than all his years of joyless compulsory games at school.
As a digression, another thing I related to my experience joining the hypno-kink community was his first encounter with gay culture out in the open, on his visit to Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld’s Institut fuer Sexual-Wissenschaft—Institute for Sexual Science - which was destroyed by the Nazis only a few years later:
Christopher giggled because he was embarrassed. He was embarrassed because, at last, he was being brought face to face with his tribe.
...
Up to now, he had behaved as though the tribe didn’t exist and homosexuality were a private way of life discovered by himself and a few friends. He had always known, of course, that this wasn’t true. But now he was forced to admit kinship with these freakish fellow tribesmen and their distasteful customs. And he didn’t like it.
Of course this feeling passes, and he lived the rest of his life in that community and dedicated himself to its growth.
So this is something that gives me strength, artists I admire who spent a lot of their time and energy thinking about, pursuing, and having, nasty sex: Isherwood, James Joyce, Henry Miller, Anais Nin, Samuel R. Delaney, Nicholson Baker. Obviously lots more!
But there's that voice in my head, doesn't chasing desire taint you, waste you away, lead you to destruction? Christopher Isherwood died in his 80s as a highly acclaimed writer and bon vivant, in a multi-decade relationship so famous and inspiring there's a documentary about it, "Chris and Don", while Alison Bechdel is 55 and super awesome, with both a MacArthur "Genius" award and a Tony award forever tied to her name. But those people were artists. Are we kinksters the grasshoppers in the story of the ant and the grasshopper?
People put sex to the side completely in service of other priorities, and for many it works, at least most of the time. (I am not talking about asexual people in this bit of course.) But I think there's always a cost to it. It can cause major problems, sometimes years down the road.
Christopher Isherwood writes about how even in his sophisticated circles, many gay men accepted the mainstream theory that the sex they were having was an "immature phase", and went ahead and married women. They bragged about being grown up now. Just guessing, but I'll bet the marriages he's thinking of caused a lot of misery to everyone, and then exploded - and those were the lucky ones.
In Fun Home, we learn that Alison's father, who was gay and closeted, never had that awakening, never really got to have the kind of sex that changed Alison and Christopher's life - intimate, abundant, not contrary to his public life. So instead it came out in many destructive ways, and probably contributed to his dark depression.
On a more positive note, I think of all those posts I've read on Fetlife from women in their 40s and 50s discovering, after decades of marriage, that they are kinky, always were kinky, and are now far more interested in casual sex and being dominated, whipped, tied up, and/or hypnotized, than in still being married. I see them having a blast! (of course there are lots of men on fetlife who have the same story! But for men there aren't quite as many societal messages to defeat, about what you're supposed to want out of life.)
Will you stay here with me for the rest of the semester? We won’t need any food. We’ll live on sex alone. Sex with Joan!I'm especially thinking about this, because I invited khatsha to travel across the Atlantic with me to NEEHU, and she's someone who turned her life upside-down for hypnokink even more than me. And I was her first contact with it. (though as with me, her hypnofetish runs deep) A part of me is saying, my god. What am I responsible for?
But I can point to lots of wonderful things that have come from my kink (meeting her not being a small one). Wanting to have hypnotic sex has pushed me way, way out of my comfort zone: walking into a sex club in Milan with leather pants and no shirt is not something many people in my nonkink life can imagine me doing, or teaching a crowd of people in a Swiss rope bondage dojo. As someone who defaults to cautious and timid, it's a tremendous gift to be driven to do adventurous things by my cock. Kink has brought me in contact with so many different types of people with many different lives and identities that my narrow, upper-middle class academic track (for all its internationality) would have isolated me from. And I love the fact that erotic hypnosis connects to literature, poetry, spirituality, the body, experimental psychology, science fiction, computer science, feminism, public speaking... (I can go on, and will given the slightest opening!)
There I go, falling into the trap of needing to justify it as worthy! As a means to an end. But pleasure should be an end in itself - if there's one thing I should be learning in Italy, it's that! (oh man the cities, the countryside, the meals, the wine, the coffee...I'm getting all these gifts dropped on my head...)
Is chasing pleasure and desire a good foundation for a life? I don't know! I do know it's better than a lot of others, anyway! Most important for me, *it's a better foundation than fear*. It's running towards something, not running away from something. Do you become an artist, at least a little tiny bit, when you commit yourself so much to something positive like this? When you try to eat and breathe it? This feels like it will repay that, like it's about growth, creativity, connection. Also boners.
Who needs dignity? / Cause this is so much better...Opening yourself up to desire and passion takes courage. Makes you silly and vulnerable, like Alison in her underpants. My friend has a line about how much safer it is just to fantasize alone in the dark - besides the obvious risks of going out and doing things, you also risk having your cherished masturbation fantasies touched by disappointment, embarassment, sadness, all the complications that come with doing things with real people, in the real world.
The upside? Having my wildest dreams come true.
And so I have no trouble committing to this. I'm in it. Long term.
I must say that I'm changing my major to kink.
(PS Why is this song in my head right now, when I'm about to go to NEEHU? Could it have anything to do with the fact that the first time I heard it was last year at NEEHU, sung by the delicious GleefulAbandon, according to my hypnotic orders, each word bringing her closer to orgasm? It's funny the little details that stick in the mind!)
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
"Um...Can You Turn It Off?"
I gave her a quick post hypnotic suggestion, that she
would become aware of wherever her clothes were touching her body, and
that it would feel like little sensual caresses, every time the fabric
brushed her, however lightly. I woke her up and then sat back and
watched her squirm. I pointed out different parts of her clothing she
might be noticing on her skin, such as her bra and panties.
After a few minutes, I started to chat with her about the next thing we would be doing, and she hesitated and went,
"Um, could you please turn it off?"
The clothing suggestion was distracting her too much to focus on what I was saying. This is an absolutely delicious moment for me. (I turned it off right then by the way; I'm not a dick, unless we're having a scene where I'm a dick) Whenever this happens, or my partner is obviously startled by a suggestion taking effect, or I'm surprised by an odd emergent consequence of a suggestion, it soothes the little part of me that still wonders, "is hypnosis real? Or is this all just pretend?"
Because none of those things would happen if she was just playing a role to try to please me. And while I don't think it's important anymore to draw a line between roleplaying hypnosis and "actually" being in a trance (after all, one recommended way to get into your first trance is to act as if you're going into trance), it's the eerie and surprising moments, the moments that let me know it's still going on even when I'm not looking, that make it both real and magic.
So it was scary to me when I was walking down the street and saying to her, "I mean, you can't hypnotize people with a sarcastic tone of voice - you can't just go 'hey, why don't you go into a trance NOW' snap" and saw my partner stagger and almost fall on the sidewalk, and I resolved not to let that happen again, but it was also thrilling. Neither of us wanted that to happen, but it still did. Hypnosis has an impact. Which also means you have to take care.
Actually this thing I mentioned up top, a request to please cut it out with an ongoing suggestion, happened twice during my latest session: the other time being when I transformed this Swiss girl's Gruyère into American processed cheese, just as it went into her mouth. And I made it stop - I might be a sadist, but I'm not a monster.
After a few minutes, I started to chat with her about the next thing we would be doing, and she hesitated and went,
"Um, could you please turn it off?"
The clothing suggestion was distracting her too much to focus on what I was saying. This is an absolutely delicious moment for me. (I turned it off right then by the way; I'm not a dick, unless we're having a scene where I'm a dick) Whenever this happens, or my partner is obviously startled by a suggestion taking effect, or I'm surprised by an odd emergent consequence of a suggestion, it soothes the little part of me that still wonders, "is hypnosis real? Or is this all just pretend?"
Because none of those things would happen if she was just playing a role to try to please me. And while I don't think it's important anymore to draw a line between roleplaying hypnosis and "actually" being in a trance (after all, one recommended way to get into your first trance is to act as if you're going into trance), it's the eerie and surprising moments, the moments that let me know it's still going on even when I'm not looking, that make it both real and magic.
So it was scary to me when I was walking down the street and saying to her, "I mean, you can't hypnotize people with a sarcastic tone of voice - you can't just go 'hey, why don't you go into a trance NOW' snap" and saw my partner stagger and almost fall on the sidewalk, and I resolved not to let that happen again, but it was also thrilling. Neither of us wanted that to happen, but it still did. Hypnosis has an impact. Which also means you have to take care.
Actually this thing I mentioned up top, a request to please cut it out with an ongoing suggestion, happened twice during my latest session: the other time being when I transformed this Swiss girl's Gruyère into American processed cheese, just as it went into her mouth. And I made it stop - I might be a sadist, but I'm not a monster.
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