- And WAKE UP.
- ...You're having fun, aren't you.
- It's not my fault the intro animation for the inflight entertainment is hypnotic! I barely had to give you a nudge.
- What you call a nudge, some people would call grabbing my hair and shoving my face into your chest.
- And you loved it. Even without the constant hypnosis, though, this is a pretty nice flight. The touchscreen works, and we will get tiny food items!
- Yeah! I just wish we didn't have to go through US security. That's going to suck.
- Ok, hang on, I'm going to do something to your brain. By the way, I like that I can just say that now, and you have to go along with it.
- Yes you can, and yes I do.
- And now you're blushing. Head back on the headrest, and SLEEP
- So this is it. Beyond those doors lies the TSA and the American airport security aparatus. How do you feel?
- I'm pretty freaked out.
- AMBER WAVES OF GRAIN.
- That did something, right? It must have. What did it do?
- What do you think it did?
- I don't know, I feel the same. You're going to get me, aren't you.
- Ok here we are. You see up ahead we're going to have to split up, since I've got a Canadian and you have a European passport. What do you think of your first view of the TSA?
- Wow...it's so much more efficient than I thought it would be. They're really good at their jobs!
- Yes, that's what the TSA is famous for.
- You're sarcastic, I can tell, but they really are pretty amazing! Super thorough and careful...I think these must be the elite!
- Maybe today we got their A squad.
- And...they're kind of sexy.
- I guess if you're into no-iron pleated pants...
- THAT'S what you did to me! You made me lust after the TSA officials!
- I will neither confirm nor deny that.
- Well the joke's on you, because competence is sexy anyway, and that's what they all have. I'd like to see someone attack America with these guys on the job! You'd have to be an idiot to try.
- You see everybody taking off their shoes and putting them on the conveyor belt? What do you think about that?
- ...I mean I read Bruce Schneier about that-
- It's for your safety and security.
- Then of course! I'll start taking them off right now!
- You see that guard confiscation that 3/4 empty water bottle from that old lady?
- Yes, that makes sense. Because of liquid explosives. They really have a tight net.
- Now you see him drop that water bottle, that might be explosives, to the bottom of that garbage bin 6 inches to the left? That makes sense?
- Absolutely. I can tell he knows what he's doing. So hot.
- I'll bet you'd have no problem getting a full body scan right now?
- It's part of the modern technology keeping America safe, so of course!
- Wouldn't you feel kind of exposed and submissive, with your arms overhead like that, and an agent watching your naked body on his screen?
- It's a pleasure to comply with the TSA. And if that guy gets to see my nipples - um, actually yay.
- Let's say the scanner is broken. Would you be ok with an invasive body search?
- Of course, it's all part of how it works. It's a well-oiled security machine.
- Even if they made you take off your clothes?
- What, like in a room off to the side?
- No, here, in front of all these people standing in line.
- Well-
- It would be for your safety and security.
- Then yes, absolutely. It's a pleasure to comply.
- Let's say that lady starts running the wand over your naked body, in a way that feels like she's definitely getting off on it.
- Well I'm sure it would actually be for professional reasons.
- And that other agent is staring at you and clearly has an erection.
- Uh, ok!
- You'd do anything they told you to do, would you?
- Yes. If it's for my safety and security, of course.
- Like let's say that big guy with the beard bent you over that metal table, smeared lubricant on his glove and started pumping two fingers in and out of your pussy. And the other agents are laughing at you in a mean way.
- ...safety and security?
- Yes.
- Him?
- Yes.
- ...then I guess I wouldn't need the lube...In fact I'm pretty good right now.
- Ok, here's where we split up. In five minutes it will all be over. Ready to comply?
- Mmhmm.
- See that's not so bad, right?
- That was EXHILIRATING. Mmmmm. Can we do it again?
- Ha ha. You've got a nice rosy glow to you.
- I had no idea how good the TSA is at this. And how good they look doing it! So awesome. Why doesn't everybody just imitate the Americans? And I almost feel guilty about enjoying those fringe benefits...
- You want me to turn it off now?
- I don't know, whatever you did must have been pretty light.
- Really? What do you think of America?
- It's the greatest country in the world, and a shining beacon of light to all the others. Ok, you need to turn it off. I am really going to have social problems with my friends back home.
- FRANCO UN-AMERICAN.
- America has lots of problems, and all that was worthless security theater. Phew, that's better.
- Welcome back!
- ...I didn't really get fucked by the TSA, did I?
- Do you feel like you did?
- Yes.
- Well, then that's all that matters.
Inspired by a real scene, but no federal employees were perved on in the making of it.
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