Hypnosis Without Respect for Agency

Recently, I had an experience of an erotic hypnosis class I found very disturbing.

The theme of the presentation was long term hypnotic Dominance/submission relationships. It turned out that the whole first half was focused on initiating these D/s relationships - framed as making someone into your hypno sub. Right away the language hit me as predatory: describing techniques as "weapons in your arsenal", recounting the story of the young bull and the old bull without seeming to recognize it refers to rape, bringing out this standby that I heard from him last year, and, most creepily, referring throughout to the person being targetting as "your intended" (he even did the joke of saying "your victi- I mean...").

He gave advice on how to select your intended, like taking the time to get to know them and make sure they're not "crazy".

Then he gave step by step instructions for using hypnotic suggestions and suggestive language to get the person to the point where they are ready to submit to you. Here he emphasized the need for patience, and used the metaphor of the frog boiling in the pot.

Later, in a part that bothered me even more, he talked about how he had used a series of post-hypnotic suggestions to change his long-term partner's mind about doing erotic hypnosis with him, when she hadn't been interested in it before. He was careful to say that was the only part of her personality he changed, that he liked all the rest of it just as it was. When he was asked if he had had her permission to change her personality, his answer was, Well, she's happy with it now!

Retroactive consent - and not the only time he cited it. Pretty indicative of the shaky grasp of consent and coercion overall in this class. He would emphasize that his "intendeds" could withdraw at any stage of the process, and often did - and then would seamlessly shift to bragging about how irresistable his techniques are ("This is an atom bomb").

But there was a deeper problem than lack of understanding of consent, which was a lack of respect for agency. This post about hypnotic ethics proposes the right to agency as one of the two key rights of hypnotees (along with honesty):

Simply put agency is the capacity to choose (and therefore act) independently. While we are restricted in our actions by our environment, we should do our best to ensure that each partner in an intimate relationship is able to act on their own behalf, to make choices, and to be both respected and responsible for those choices.

So consent generally requires agency (i.e. you cannot gain consent from someone who is not making their own choices).

In hypnotism, we play around with the idea of taking agency away, but that is a fantasy.

This presentation was all from the viewpoint of doing things to someone. How to get them to do what you want.

It's not like lack of respect for agency, especially of young women, is exactly rare in the broader world - I'm thinking of things like the slimier pick-up artist materials, i.e. about 99% of them. Then there are the terrible role models in hypnosis, from stage hypnosis shows to paternalistic, ethically-challenged psychologists like Sigmund Freud and Milton Erickson.

But in the kink community, we can't pretend it's ok. A central principle for us is that both parties are active agents, and both viewpoints are equally important. Even if one party is the submissive. If we don't reject and stigmatize the idea of hypnotizing people without permission, of using sneaky language patterns, of trying to alter someone's personality without extensive negotiation, hypnotists deserve to have a rotten, creepy reputation in the kink scene.

In the second half, he introduced a long term partner (not the same one) who is in an intense D/s relationship with him. She was very charming and grounded, and the relationship had obviously been a positive one for her. This part had some valuable tips about the care and maintenance of such a relationship.

The presenter has a pleasant and disarming manner, and I recognized that he was taking a risk in exposing this part of himself. But that pleasantness made it all the more unsettling as the class ended and the feeling of grossness surfaced fully. I looked over at my friends, who also had an air of "did we just see that?" Another friend who had left partway through told me later she was "experiencing something similar to a panic attack", she was so upset. She was one of a number of walkouts.

But I'm more worried about the people who stayed, and laughed at all the right places. I saw people writing down his language patterns word for word. Concern about predators is far from abstract for me: at least four of my friends have been harmed by abusive doms who exploited my friends' interest in hypnosis. If nothing else, this class was incredibly insensitive to that reality. I'll bet some of these tactics would have hit too close to home.

When I brought it up afterwards, how he had neatly packaged hypnosis as another tool in a manipulator's hypothetical toolkit, the presenter said "This stuff is out there. If they learn it from me, at least they'll get the ethics along with it." I didn't like that answer.

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There's a lot more to think about with this, but I had to get it off my chest. The worst part is feeling like my fantasy life, which certainly is wrapped up in D/s-flavoured hypnosis, has been tainted - hopefully that will wear off soon. I would like to hear about other people's experience of the class, and whether the same things bothered them.