Jerking me off is a regular household chore - it’s one you enjoy, and find satisfying to do, like cleaning the lint filter, since it leaves you with an easy sense of accomplishment and a job well done. But it has no sexual content to it, even if it superficially resembles sex. Any arousal you might feel while doing it will be hidden away, locked up away, until I release it later. And wake up
She said, “I’m thinking there’s no point in getting a tree this year, if we only get to enjoy it a few days before the trip.”
“Ah-hmm,” I said.
She paused to get another squirt of lube, and spread it evenly over my cock. Then she got right back into her rhythm.
“I would want to get a real one I think, unless we invest in a really good artificial one.”
She was sitting crosslegged on the bed, looking into the middle distance. Her hand was jacking me steadily and forcefully.
In reply, I just gasped.
“I bet those LED lights are really good now. Maybe we could get them to blink in hypnotic patterns! Back home when I was growing up a lot of people still used candles. Some still do! One or two families get burned up every year. Are you getting ready to come?”
I nodded, and I might have squeaked a little.
She reached over and pulled the box of kleenex closer.
As I came, she gave a warm smile.
“Did you know that you can get black trees? Apparently it’s a trend,” she said, as she folded a kleenex and methodically wiped me up. “So next you’re going to start on the bathroom and I’ll do the kitchen?
“And release!” I said.
Her body started shuddering and she moaned. She grabbed onto me and pulled me close as she rode waves of stored up arousal.
--
You realize my erection is very uncomfortable, and you’re the only one who can relieve the pressure. It’s urgent that you get me off, to help me to be comfortable again. And wake up She dove under the sheets, and was immediately pumping me at full speed, the way that makes me come fast. Then I started to hear sounds of her hyperventilating, and whimpering.
“And cancelled completely! Realizing it was an illusion, everything back to normal.”
I pulled her up and cuddled her in beside me. Her breathing started to slow down, but she was shaking a little.
“That got a little too intense eh? I should have added some more words to make it clear I’m okay.”
“I was so scared! I thought it was going to explode…”
--
Nothing below your waist is important to pay attention to. Any signals coming from there are just that, signals, and easy to ignore. You might feel some pressure, or like you’re being moved around, but that’s not important either. What’s important is this very absorbing conversation we’re in the middle of, which takes your full attention. And wake up “So it’s a kind of mushroom pasta?” I said
I was lying on top of her, with my cock all the way inside her. Our faces were about two inches apart.
“Yes, in a cream sauce. I’m using those cremini mushrooms, plus shittake.”
I started fucking her.
“Shittake are the ones with the big caps right?”
“Yeah. I’m going to slice them thin and pan fry in a bit of butter.”
Her face and voice showed no signs of what I was doing.
“Sounds delicious! Do we definitely have onions?”
I started slamming her as hard as I could, only focusing on what felt good to me. There was no change at all in her expression. Her head touched the headboard, and the headboard banged into the wall.
She said, “Yes I think so, there should be a whole extra bag under the sink. Can you cut them? ”
“Yes! Absolutely! HUUUH”
I came inside her, and slumped down on her body.
“You should use your swim goggles!” she said.
--
Three scenes from a very specific fetish I just realized I have, within my mind control/hypnosis fetish: sex-that-is-not-sex. That is, where one person doesn’t know they’re having sex. And the other person - me - does. This has been a feature a lot of my favourite porn, but obviously requires incredibly high levels of trust and consent, not to mention hypnotic talent by the bottom, to achieve in real life. I’m the luckiest person ever: my wife doesn't just indulge me in it - it’s her kink too.
I remember the Time Before the Koala Box. BEHIVE,
then known as NEHG, had our first post-munch practice at a Panera Bread
back in 2013, thanks to Lee Allure - the motivation being, we've talked
about hypnosis for two hours, now we want to see some shit!!
Since then a post-munch practice has been a tradition, but it was
usually pretty flat. There were a few awkward propositions, there would
be a couple of trances - usually between existing partners - but for the
most part we kept talking about Doctor Who or whatever 90% of the time.
Then about 6 months ago we introduced the koala box - which is a short Pringles can, sour cream and onion variety - and
It.
Went.
Bananas.
Every time since then the post-munch has had around a dozen trances
or more. In many rounds there is a sea of hands of people volunteering -
people I never saw volunteer before the change.
What's the secret? I think the koala box gives people a chance to
1) Easily volunteer to do the hypnosis they want
2) Invisibly avoid playing with people or suggestions they don't want
Here are the rules of the koala box.
Pieces of paper and pens are passed to different parts of the table.
While the dinner check is being settled, the koala box is passed
around, and people fill it with ideas for Hypnotic things they would like to see demonstrated. More suggestions can be stuffed in the box continuously over the evening.
One person, the Koala Wrangler, explains the rules and has someone
(traditionally a first-time attendee), draw the first suggestion and
read it out loud.
The Wrangler then calls for a volunteer to either bottom or top that
suggestion, alternating with each round. If the suggestion requires
multiple tops or multiple bottoms, the wrangler says so.
The Wrangler counts to five ("One koala, two koala..."). If no one
has raised their hand, the box is passed one person to the left and the
next suggestion is quickly read out.
If more than one person has raised their hand, the Wrangler selects
among them (emphasizing people who haven't had a turn yet). Otherwise
they select the person who raised their hand.
The Wrangler then counts to five again, and people can volunteer to
either top or bottom (depending on the round) with that person for that
suggestion. Again, if no one raises their hand, the box is passed and we
swiftly move on to the next round.
The first person selected chooses among the second set of volunteers.
The Wrangler emphasizes that the selected people will now negotiate
exactly what it means to do that suggestion, and that discovering that
one or both doesn't want to do it is a perfectly normal and acceptable
outcome for the negotiation.
We all watch the resulting scene, and usually applaud!
Then the box gets passed to the left, and we continue drawing pieces
of paper from the box, with the Wrangler now calling for top volunteers
first if the last round had bottom first, or vice versa.
After the immediate huge success of the koala box - seriously,
trances were going on all over the place - I was thinking we should
develop more games like this for the post-munch. Then I realized that
it's all we need, because anything can go in that box. Here's a list of what got pulled out at our two most recent munches:
Five stroke induction
6 inductions in 60 seconds
Vibrating chair that gradually increases in intensity
In your vision white and black are inverted
Co-topping
Posable mannequin
Hyperempiria
First time top
Make something cuter
Use magnetic beads in an induction without it being a pendulum
Resisted control
Deja vu
In trance, recite the alphabet, each letter takes you deeper
Defragmentation
Leave a trigger for the rest of the night
Induction with no talking
5 sense overloaded
First time hypnotee
Last time there were at least 6 distinct tops, out of 18 people, all
figuring out what kind of spin to put on these suggestions. And one
first time top, which is absolutely typical.
Because it lowers the bar for people to jump in. After all, it's for
educational purposes! Someone wants to see it demonstrated! My favourite
is how in the very last second of the count, people will muster up the
courage to shoot up their hands. We want to facilitate courage.
Other groups work well structuring their "let's see the thing!" time
like classes, but the koala box fits the vibe of BEHIVE, in its
non-hierarchy: we are Initiates, Virtuosos and Enthusiasts because we
are all growing and developing, we are all figuring out our taste,
sexually and hypnotically, and we are all creating.
These rules do a lot to help anyone, top or bottom, freely volunteer
without pressure to trance in a way or with a person they don't want to -
particularly important to someone like me, who sexualizes hypnosis a lot.
But possible bugs still exist. For example if someone volunteers, and
then the only volunteer for the other side is someone they don't want to
scene with. We are thinking of ways to make it absolutely normal to
back out at that stage, but it's a tricky one.
So the Koala box will probably evolve more, and we're always looking
for ideas and feedback, but it has already evolved a lot. That's why you
shouldn't change or drop rules before trying it out! Even though it
might be tempting to simplify. We gradually added these aspects to solve
specific problems:
The 5 count. If you don't count to five, the person who is fastest
at putting their hand up (and has english as their native language,
doesn't have auditory processing issues etc) will always get picked. It
also helps to avoid a long awkward pause deciding whether to move onto
the next one.
The koala wrangler. For a long time we just had everyone who raised
their hand find each other and negotiate scenes. This was enjoyably
chaotic, but led to some people feeling "invisible" when they raised
their hand but didn't manage to connect - of course they may just have
been experiencing soft no's, but with the Wrangler, everyone is
acknowledged without necessarily getting to play. It also led to a lot
of multiples of suggestions, which was fun but made us cover less
suggestions. And there was always someone hustling along the box and
giving the instructions, so having a wrangler formalizes that work.
Alternating tops first and bottoms first. It's easier to be in the
second group, because you know exactly who you're potentially playing
with, so this way we don't favour tops or bottoms.
The first person chooses the second. If the koala wrangler chose the second person, there would be pressure for them to play.
The name. It contains a kind of magic that I frankly wouldn't tinker with.
If you try out koala boxing, let me know! (and I would be interested
to see if it translates to any other kink communities, such as rope)
There other games I like for groups of hypno people who are quite
experienced and have a lot of trust with each other, but for a mixed
experience group, in a munch-like setting, I'm going for this one every
time.
Feb 2020 updates
A few amendments BEHIVE has made to the koala box since I first published this, based on the last year of experience with it:
The koala wrangler now keeps hold of the box, rather than people
passing it along, and prompts specific people to draw and read, usually
focusing on first-timers. (the "box" is also now a sizeable Bob's Sweet
Stripes Soft Peppermint Candy Tub, rather than a pringles can!)
We now require volunteers to pass a note to each other before
beginning the negotiation, to give people a chance to pass on things
they want their partner to know but not the whole room. This only seems
to be needed in about 1 time in 10, but then it is very needed and appreciated.
Now one of the exec members acts as the "koala observer", whose job
is to listen carefully to the negotiation, gently prompt if there's
something missing, and watch the scene carefully to make sure the scene
matches the negotiation. We don't particularly point this person out.
This was added because of the fact that though the negotiation and scene
are observed by the whole room, it's surprisingly easy to not remember
whether something was actually part of the negotiation, which then makes
it hard to intervene confidently in the moment. Very small consent
violations are common, especially when people are new, and we want to
normalize both calling those out and responding well to having your
action called out. Observing is a tiring and intense job, so we rotate
it each event.
We have also written out some koala wrangler's instructions, since
there's a lot to remember, feel free to use these as a starting point:
Starting in this part of the evening there's going to be hypnosis
demonstrations, so please feel free to leave if you don't want to see
that.
Notice the koala box going around. (point to it) You can stuff it
with ideas for Hypnotic things you would like to see demonstrated.
Anything you can think of, as long as it's acceptable in a restaurant
environment, and doesn't have effects that last beyond the munch.
When you're watching trances, keep in mind that "splash damage" can
be a factor, and you might start feeling trancy. Feel free to step out
at any point.
I'm going to ask people to draw slips of paper from the box at random and read them out.
On the first draw, I'm going to ask for volunteers to be the hypnotist for this suggestion. Raise your hand AND KEEP IT UP.
I will pick one, and then I'll ask for volunteers to be hypnotized
for this suggestion. Raise your hand AND KEEP IT UP. If there's at least
two, the hypnotist will choose among them. The hypnotist can choose
more than one!
Either participant can withdraw at any time.
If there's no match, we just move onto the next draw.
When there's a match, the two will sit together, and begin by
passing a piece of paper to the other person, which may contain
important information for their partner that they don't want to share
with the group, or it can be blank or a nice message like, "excited to
trance with you!" Each person reads it and then passes it back.
Then they will negotiate the trance, including how they interpret
the suggestion. We expect to see a thorough negotiation for everything
that happens in the scene, in particular any touching and any hypnotic
suggestions (including suggestions to feel especially good after the trance). If they decide not to do the scene, we call that a
successful negotiation, and move onto the next draw. Please also
negotiate aftercare. We ask the top not to initiate anything not
negotiated, including a hug, after the start of the first trance.
We also ask that if you have had any substances today, like alcohol
or pot, that may affect your responses or ability to consent, you simply
disclose it to your partner so they can make an informed decision if
they're comfortable with it.
For the second draw, the hypnotee will be chosen first, and will
choose the hypnotist, and then we'll alternate back and forth like that.
Now will a first time attendee please make the first draw?
As a last note, we make no claim of ownership over koala boxing (or
whatever you want to call it), and fully expect it to evolve and mutate
as needed whereever it is used. We'd be pleased to hear if you try
something like this, including variations you tried and what did or
didn't work for you, but consider these ideas public domain and do
whatever you like with them.
I sat down on the couch and had khatsha kneel between my legs. I
dropped her into trance and had her vividly imagine unbuckling my belt,
unzipping my jeans, putting my cock in her mouth and getting me fully
hard. I walked her through every step, and told her to make it as real
as possible in her mind.
Then I woke her up, and told her to open my pants, put my cock in her mouth, and get me fully hard.
Then I dropped her again. And had her imagine the same thing again, while I fastened my pants and rebuckled my belt.
I suggested that she make the fantasy more and more real, and when I
woke her up again, I told her it would feel more dreamlike when she did
the same action again.
I explicitly suggested that she would make the hypnotic fantasy and
the reality closer and closer in her mind, and, in particular, to adjust
the memories of the fantasy and reality closer and closer to each other
each time.
I repeated this cycle three and a half times in total, the half time
because she communicated that she had to switch into a sitting position.
I told her to overwrite the stored memories with the sensation of
sitting instead of kneeling.
This scene was inspired by the recent AI innovation of Generative Adversarial Networks.
One neural network generates images, for example, and another neural
network takes in real images alongside them and judges which ones are
fake. The first one adjusts and learns until the second one can’t tell
which is real. The two networks are called the Generator and the
Discriminator, and are often located on the same CPUs and GPUs - I
picture a black tower with blinking lights getting warm as it silently
struggles with itself through the night.
Once this Generative Adversarial Network has been trained, it can be
used to output new images, like a brand new Picasso, or a morph of two
faces, that can fool a neural network. Or a human.
That’s what I was doing to khatsha. I was also exploiting the fact
that our memory is a lossy compression and isn’t good at storing
repeated events distinctly, and that every time we take out a memory to
examine it gets distorted a little.
The waking stage of the last cycle, I walked khatsha through what she
was really doing as if I was prompting a hypnotic fantasy: “You’re
imagining, so vividly, that you’re opening my pants…”
Then I dropped her and suggested one last time that she would adjust
all those memories, so that reality and fantasy would seem the same.
“And you don’t know if it happened once, or 50 times.”
Then I broke the cycle. I dropped her and woke her up as definitively
as I could, and checked in. When she seemed relatively back to reality,
I asked her to kneel between my legs and open my pants. When she was
down there, she paused for a long time, and got a very puzzled, frowny
expression on her face.
“What’s wrong? Deja vu?”
She gave her head a quick toss like she was trying to shake something off.
“You don’t have to figure it out. You don’t have to sort out what was real and what wasn’t. You just have to suck.”
And she did.
After she got me off, I was moving into aftercare mode when I noticed
she suddenly looked very sleepy sitting on the rug. Not sleepy trancy,
but like she wanted to go to bed immediately, despite it being 7 pm. She
could barely open her eyes. I bet it was something to do with her brain
going, “fuck this, I need an REM cycle right now to sort this memory
mess out!!” I checked in with what she wanted, and we went into every
one of our de-role-ing exercises to bring reality all the way back:
counting together while tapping her leg, asking her questions about
mundane things, and looking out the window together to see that the
outside world was still there.
After about half an hour the sleepiness was gone and she seemed fully herself again. “That was edgy as fuck.”
When I asked how many cycles she thought we went through, she guessed
a range, but came down on 5 - almost twice as many. She had the sense
that I had been alternating, but had no hope of telling whether the real
ones were the evens or the odds. We were both aroused, and somewhat
frightened, at how much I had managed to warp her reality. “I think that
was much stronger than you intended it to be.”
I told her, “We’re in reality now. I promise not to joke around about
it or gaslight you any more.” If you do try hypnotic adversarial
memories, it needs very extensive, very informed
consent discussion, with someone who knows their own mind and responses
well. Or a long term, very trusting CNC relationship like I have with
khatsha. And allow time, and have the skills, for major aftercare. This
is big stuff.
What’s next? I would like to try it again with slipping in one-time
variations to the repeated scene, to see if the variation can be either
erased, or mistaken for real.
But more broadly, her unconscious mind has now had the experience of
having her reality completely fucked, and of creating memories according
to my instructions that should couldn’t tell apart. If khatsha thought
she was mine before… now she’s really mine.
Whenever
I write this, you're going to think I'm writing about something going
on right now. I promise I'm not! I outlined this over a year ago. And I
kept not finishing it for this exact reason. It never seems to be the
right time, it is always going to be taken as speaking to some current
firestorm. Literally every time since I first thought of it.
But it's clogging up the other things I want to write, so I'm just going to do this.
First-order consent policing
First-order consent policing is something I'm strongly in favour of.
That means, if you have the power to do so, banning, officially warning
or otherwise sanctioning people who have violated consent. I've written how
I think it's absolutely essential to the health of an event or club,
and how I think organizers have the responsibility to make those painful
decisions, which often have uncertainty and personal loyalty in the
mix. But you have to do it.
Second-order consent policing
This is policing about policing. That means criticizing,
boycotting, or otherwise pressuring people who have the power to do
first-order consent policing, to do better. Examples include pulling out
of vending at a con when they refuse to ban a dangerous person, or
PMing an organizer about a problem with their consent policy.
This one I think should be approached with caution - although I've done it,
several times. Caution because there's almost always more behind a
decision than you know about, including often information they are not
allowed to share because of confidentiality. This information might
change your own judgment.
Plus people make mistakes, especially with all the distractions and
energy drains around running an event. So it should be done with
empathy. But, sometimes, for the sake of people's safety you have to
call out someone's first-order policing, or warn people away.
Third-order consent policing
This is criticizing or pressuring people about their second-order
policing. So yelling at them for things like: not participating in the
boycott of a con. Not ostracizing the partner of a bad consent enforcer.
Not offering their own statement publicly criticizing organizers when a
lot of people are.
I avoid this as much as I can, and here's why.
First, making a point of doing this would instantly alienate me from a
lot of friends. I don't stay friends with predators, but a lot of my
friends don't share the same opinions on how predators should be
detected and handled (that is, opinions about first-order policing).
Therefore they might choose to support an event that I consider unsafe.
People are all over the place on these issues, people who care just as
much about preventing consent violations as I do.
Second, it's very abstract what good it does. Second-order policing
tries to get organizers to act on consent violations better. Third-order
policing could, I guess, help to organize a boycott by getting everyone
on board? What exactly is the effect you are trying to achieve?
(note that when organizers commit consent violations themselves, this
is a very different story - the term "third-order policing" only
applies when organizers are only accused of bad consent policing)
The pressure is very diluted by the time it gets all the way
down to say, the person who is directly doing harm. The irony, though,
is that you are much more likely to get a reaction to your call-out,
when it's to people who are almost completely in agreement with you.
People who have values and who struggle mightily with these tough moral
questions. Whereas Wolfie McDompants, who is actually assaulting
people, could not give a shit about your criticism. This is a dangerous
seductive quality of the third-order call-out, that it feels like you're
doing something, because it gets a reaction. It has a yummy gossipy feeling to it, whereas condemning rapists feels like shouting into a void.
Third, it really has the effect of dividing the community. Often
people say that to shut up accusers, but in this case I think it
applies. We shouldn't let ourselves get sorted into teams, or camps,
based on who's boycotting which event. People are going to have
different opinions about how to handle consent violations, or rather
opinions about opinions, and we can co-exist. When someone who did a bad
job of first-order policing doesn't have that power anymore, they are
not in the category of actual consent violators, and even less so their
supporters. And people may have reasons you know nothing about why they
need to stay silent or need to attend something.
(that doesn't mean I don't privately question people's judgment of
course, especially in the marital bed, always the best place for talking
crap. But not publicly)
We all have limited energy for conflict and criticism. I want to put
as much of it as possible where it can do the most good - that is,
reduce the most harm. And I think that is almost all first and second
order consent policing, and almost no third order policing.
I
wrote these three bits of advice in reply to a thread about trying to
start a hypnosis munch, reposting in case they might help someone else.
I have been involved with the Boston hypno munch group now known as BEHIVE for the past 5 years. Wednesday night we had 22 people, but for much of my history it was often very small.
First, keep on keeping on. You have to be ridiculously consistent,
and accept that it's going to be small for a long long time. This is a
niche kink, and these things take forever to get going anyway. The
important thing is to make whoever shows up feel like this is the place
to be, this is the party, and to be glad they came - phrases to be
avoided at all costs are "I guess this is everyone who's coming?" and
"It's weird, where are all the people who RSVPed..." One that that has
helped is thinking of it as personal relationships, and reaching out to
the people who are becoming your friends in the days before the event to
let them know you're excited to see them there. But you might hit
critical mass of nice, charismatic hypno enthusiasts, as we did, or you
might not. If you're going to do this, you have to take pleasure just
from the fact that you're meeting and hanging out with people who get
your kink, even if it's one dude, and to realize that no matter how
small, every time your event connects two hypnokinksters in real life
you are stacking a building block towards something wonderful.
Second, it's very possible that there are barriers to coming or
enjoying themselves that are invisible to people in your demo and mine
(older straight white cis men) . I would seek out at least advice, and
ideally equal co organizers, with real power to override decisions, with
quite different perspectives and lived experiences. No matter how well
read and alert we are, there's just no way to avoid blindspots through
not having lived it. The biggest thing is that femme folks are going to
be hyper watchful for whether you are going to creep on them, and how
you as an organizer will handle things if they get creeped on by other
attendees. Messing that up is where you have enormous potential to lose
people and stunt the growth of your event. Two concrete things in that
direction: have a consent policy, and believe consent reports the first time, without any second guessing of the reporters judgment or actions. Then take action based on them.
Finally, and this is very hypno specific, let people see the thing.
We're lucky that our kink can be practiced in semipublic without
getting unwanted attention, or violating bystander consent. (for one
thing our kink is protected by a cloaking device of "that looks like
some new age bullshit, or possibly an improv class") So put the effort
into finding a venue where you can have a bit of privacy, like a
restaurant back room or quiet corner of a large coffee shop. This is
very difficult! (dying franchises and old legacy restaurants are your
friend) but as soon as we did events got way more exciting and fun.
Having some structure to ensure that stuff really happens was a huge
leap too. For some this is a planned class. For us, it was the koala box
that made things completely blow up: that is, pulling pieces of paper
out of pringles can about what people would like to see demonstrated and
then asking for volunteers to top and bottom. It's less hierarchical
and more participatory than having a designated teacher, and this
probably works better for some attendees and worse for others, but helps
to make the flavour of BEHIVE. Keep in mind that there will be munch
attendees who are uncomfortable watching hypnosis scenes, even ones that
are not explicitly sexual, so it's a good idea to "wall off" the
practice part and give people a chance to gracefully make an exit before
then.
Good luck! This is what I do with basically all my free time, and
it's giving back so much. I had a vision of how big and thriving Boston
hypno could be, and it only took literal years for us to get there. But I
enjoyed every step of the way, and I think that made all the
difference.
So I’m watching this fun and flirty Canadian show about four young women on a Mohawk reserve near Montreal. For real!
It’s
great! And episode 5 just introduced a thread where Zoe’s sexy internet
hookup asks the character what she likes in bed. And she thinks about
it for half an episode. And she says, “You know what I’d like? I’d like a
break. From all the responsibility. And decision making.”
And then she says, “I have to go!”
What
follows is the best version of consensual D/s that I think I’ve ever
seen in a mainstream source, obliterating all memory of 50 Shades and
even surpassing Waitress, all the more incongruous since it’s lit and
scored like a CW or NBC show. And it’s hot!
I
was like, this is awesome, but this is just going to be like a little
adventure, like Sex in the City, right? Even when the next episode has
more:
I
figure we’ve got one more episode then she’s going to shake it off and
realize she’s vanilla after all. Still, pretty cool! So I tried to find
the clip on YouTube, and look where we are by season 4:
Damn
Canadian television, you are killing it most unexpectedly!! She’s
Mohawk, and a lawyer, and kinky, and all those things can coexist.
You've changed
You're thriving
There's something about the woods
Not just
Surviving
You're blossoming in the woods...
- It Takes Two, Into the Woods
This weekend was DeepMind Darkwood, the erotic hypnosis retreat in
western Massachusetts. It was the second time I've gone. My last time
was 5 years ago. A lot of stuff has happened in that time!
My first time was within my first year of knowing that hypnokink
exists, and it was my first hypno con of any kind - I wouldn't go to my
first NEEHU until the following March. I was in way, way over my head. I
came in without any play partners or good friends, I had barely ever
hypnotized anyone, and I was just freaking out most of the time. (I
looked up my old blog entry to remember the date, but I don't dare read
it!) I still found it mindblowing and valuable, but this time I was so
much better positioned to dive into its cultish charms.
This time I knew so many more people, including close friends from
the Boston scene (thank you again DigitalSwitchGamine and AndSleep for
the ride!) and most of all I got to share it with my wife khatsha.
40 people in a wooden lodge in a big clearing in the woods, 36 hours,
no classes, mostly collective activities. There is nothing remotely
like Deepmind. Every year LeeAllure and MrDream set out to engineer a
very specific atmosphere, that might not work for everyone, but which I
found both cozy and invigorating - a wonderful invitation to relax, open
up, and try new and scary things.
Scary things: yes there were still occasional moments of anxiety and
missed connections, and we certainly put to use our couple skills of
calming each other down (that get heavily exercised at every con - cons
are the greatest, but also stressful!). But we came out having learned
new things about ourselves and each other.
Some of the best moments, and achievements of Lee and Dream that I want to call out:
Opening and closing ceremonies. Simple yet lovely, they grounded me in the present and made me feel connected to everyone.
Something called the word cloud (?), which is hard to describe but
involved people running around in the dark on the lawn yelling things
that are part of hypnokink like "DOLL PLAY!" or "ORGASMS!" and it gave
me warm feelings.
Speed trancing! I'd avoided that in the past at NEEHU, but now that
I've done it, I see it is genius the way they set it up, and we are
going to steal it for BEHIVE. I had so many great hypnotic encounters
and so many good conversations in a short span of time - each one only 6
minutes.
Plentiful and delicious food along with cozy communal dining,
signalled by a dinner bell that brought me right back to summer camp.
Breaking into groups and creating group trance activities, for three
of the modalities, which took up the bulk of the day on saturday. It's
really striking how little there was that felt like a class, and it made
me realize how I can sometimes get into passive, cautious,
overintellectual mode sitting in classes at Charmed, NEEHU etc, rather
than putting energy into creating new things, both 1 on 1 and in groups.
Deepmind insists that you come to do.
For one such activity, digitalswitchgamine's droning collective "sound
bath", which definitely felt just as cultish as I wanted the weekend to
be. Any lost tourist happening up the road just then would definitely
have been justified guessing they were were about to see or be part of
ritualistic murder.
Outfits! So many people brought their A game and showed just how
alluring they can be. The 15 minutes it took for two of us, using half a
tube of lube, to get khatsha into her latex dress? Well. Fucking. Worth
it.
My performance at (alcohol-free) dizzy bat, which I can confidently
call the worst ever, wherein I ran in a tight circle and fell down
possibly having recrossed the starting line
Gorgeous weather. That wasn't their doing (I think??), but we got
lucky with a couple of perfect golden September days outdoors in
Massachusetts. Even the route there and back was beautiful.
Amidst all that khatsha and I got to watch and do some wonderfully
twisted and pleasurable scenes, and enjoy many quiet moments of
togetherness with likeminded pervs.
Thank you to the organizers, the volunteers, and everyone who came and made it so special!
In the BEHIVEconsent and conduct policy,
we wrote "Our default approach is to believe accusations unless there
is powerful evidence to the contrary." This caused some consternation
and objection from one person. He compared it to the satanic panic of
the 80s and falsely imprisoned anti-war activists of the 1960s.
Later, he backed off and apologized, saying "I have been reassured
that the statement means that any and all accusations will be taken as
seriously as possibly and investigated, thoroughly." Another observer
agreed, "With some very subtle changes the meaning could have been more
clearly presented to eliminate any confusion."
We did not mean that. We meant what we wrote.
We don't intend to conduct investigations.
We are not investigators.
We don't have the training. Or resources such as background checks or
ability to subpoena evidence. We have no desire to build a formal
investigative procedure. Not to mention that in the case of consent
violations, legalistic questioning is often retraumatizing, and sharing
information with the accused can put the accuser in danger.
Even if we could conduct thorough investigations, in most cases there
would remain a fog of uncertainty. Very many consent violations don't
have witnesses except the people involved.
With all the information in the world - which we will not have - you
still have to make a call. And we choose, by default, to make the call
to believe the accuser.
This is different from the legal system! It makes sense that the
legal system should require an assumption of innocence, with the burden
of proof on the accuser. We do not. The key difference being, and I
can't stress this enough, that one involves going to jail, and the
other, not getting to go to a dinner.
Positive, lively kinky atmospheres are so fragile. I have seen them
wither and die because of only a couple of individuals, and those events
continue on, dead. Zombie events. I've seen people show up at an event,
smell the decay, and turn right around and walk out, never to come
back. And that's a good scenario, compared to the one where an event
becomes a hunting ground for serial predators.
We built the BEHIVE executive, and started our jobs, ready to fight
for the atmosphere. The need to deal with consent violations and
creepiness doesn't take us by surprise. That would be like a hotel
manager not being ready for shit-clogged toilets - it's a horrible part
of the job, but it's the job. And since all of society is weighted
towards dismissing assault reports, the best way to do our job, and deal
with that shit, is to believe accusations, the first time.
That said, of course we're going to use our intelligence. Even though
we don't consider false reports to be a big problem relative to actual
cases of assault (when it comes to rape, the Journal of Forensic Psychology estimates
about 20 true ones for every false one, and that's based on law
enforcement reports), it's happened. And of course rules can be gamed,
consent rhetoric can be weaponized. (and if you don't believe that,
you've never seen someone accused of an assault turn around and accuse
the accuser) So nothing is automatically triggered by an accusation. We
make a decision by having a discussion, and then taking a vote.
That vote is among the five of us on the executive. Three are femme,
and three are people that primarily bottom. That means that even if I
turn out to relate a bit too much to an accused person who is like me,
an older male dom, I can be outvoted. By people who each have more than
enough experience with being creeped on.
All this is designed to weight things towards believing accusations,
and taking action. If this stance rubs you the wrong way, start your own
club! I'm serious about that! All you have to do is click "Create new
event", and then call a restaurant.
For the people we most want, hopefully this all sounds good, but
words are not that useful - watch our actions. Over a long period of
time. If you make a report, see how we react to it. But here are some
actions the BEHIVE exec has taken in its first six months, besides write
a consent and conduct policy:
We've added three previous munch attendees to our ban list, and sent one official warning.
We created Google docs to accumulate reports and observations about
people, even minor ones, so that people can be banned for patterns of
subthreshold behaviour.
A different person, who has never been to one of our events, wrote to
us: "I think that your group is very concerned with rules and laws and
control, and not so much about considering the humanity of people." I
disagree: I think that we are using explicit rules and laws (which
include, by the way, such laws as "Be nice") to express our intention to
protect the humanity of our spaces. It's an agonizing, painful thing to
ban someone, but not to do it is to fall into geek fallacy #1, and to fail the amazing people we might not even get to meet.
We are doing our absolute best not to make mistakes. But, inevitably,
we will. We're going to ban people who shouldn't be banned, and not ban
people who should be. All this is just to say: we want to risk making
more of the first kind of mistake than the second.
And that's what we meant.
(this is a personal essay, not a BEHIVE statement, but it was read by the other four executive members)
This was written collectively, but I sketched out the first draft, and I'm particularly proud of the part about IVE.
----
NEHG has a very exciting announcement: we’ve officially changed our name to BEHIVE! Please join the new Fetlife group. You don’t have to rejoin the mailing list or Discord server; we’ll rename them both accordingly.
That's
Boston Erotic Hypnosis Initiates, Virtuosos, and Enthusiasts
Why the name change?
"New England Hypnosis Group" hasn't been a good fit for us for a while, for a few reasons:
With very few exceptions, we organize events in the Greater Boston
area. People come to our events from all over, and once in a while we
will do something outside of Boston (like help organize the hypno lounge
at the Winter Flea in Rhode Island), but the Boston area is our home
base and the core population we serve.
We would never want to appear to supersede totally independent (and awesome) New England groups such as New Hampshire Hypnokink or HypnoRI.
It's confusingly similar to NELA, NEEHU or NEDS. (That’s New England
Leather Alliance, New England Erotic Hypnosis Unconference, and New
England Dungeon Society.) We’re distinct from all those groups, although
we remain a NELA Special Interest Group, and will keep collaborating
with NEDS.
The old name didn’t include “erotic.” We also considered "kinky,"
and "recreational," but we want people to know what to expect: you're
probably going to interact with people who find hypnosis at least a
little sexy. You aren't required to feel the same way, but you may see
demos of erotic triggers and trance experiences, and you're probably
going to hear conversations about how to use hypnosis to enhance
eroticism, how hypnosis fits into a framework of consent, and how many
of us had our sexual awakening because of that Scooby-Doo clown episode
(it's a lot). We’d also never want someone to come to the group thinking
it was going to be about hypnotherapy or vanilla stage hypnosis.
Nothing else is changing except for the name. The current executive
committee has been running the organization for six months, since
leadership was transferred by the previous leader, DeCordazon, in
February of 2018. In those six months, we have posted and run 18 events,
including:
The Cambridge munch
The additional weekday "munchkin"
The revival of the study group (thanks, @DeviantSimian!)
A class taught by Wiseguy, presented in collaboration with NEDS
A presence at the NELA summer Fetish Fair Fleamarket
The Hypnosis Lounge at the 2018 winter Fetish Fair Fleamarket, with 150 attendees
At munches alone we've had 231 visits by people all told - a minimum
of 13 every time and the biggest headcount at a Boston hypnosis munch so
far (27 people!).
Also in that time, we've initiated some changes such as leadership by
a five person executive committee that meets at least every month, a
constitution with a voting protocol, a consent and conduct policy that has been used as a model by at least one other group, a Discord server, and a monthly email newsletter.
A bit more about the IVE part:
Initiates are anyone who has the courage to walk
through that door to a munch or study group, to take the first step of
joining the IRL hypnosis community. That's a huge moment! We all went
through it. Our focus is on you and making that experience as welcoming
and awesome as possible.
Virtuosos are whoever is working on developing their
mojo as a hypnotist, hypnotee, or both. (And initiates can be
virtuosos!) Erotic hypnosis as an artform and a community thrives
through mass creativity, and everyone has something to share and teach.
Enthusiasts are all of us who are enthusiastic
enough about erotic hypnosis to go out and meet people (even if just on
Discord or FL!) As long as you can follow our consent and conduct policy, we want every possible voice.
We have so much stuff planned for our first year as BEHIVE, and we're so excited to do it with you.
I’m not a very good hypnotist. That’s just true. My wife is
getting ready to argue with me on this. And even a couple of other
people too. But they are wrong.
How do I know they’re wrong? Because I’m not working to get good.
We’ve been hanging out with some lovely shibari people recently,
people on a very high level, and it always hits home the level of
commitment that goes into a rope practice. Especially the most
spectacular manifestations, like suspensions. I don’t know the number of
professional rope teachers and dojos around the world, but I bet it’s
staggering. People move to Japan for months just to learn.
The other night, I and another hypno top made ourselves quite grumpy
while getting taught an intermediate single column tie. We realized it
had been a long time since we were really bad at something. Since we had
to work. I found myself pulling back, talking myself out of wanting to
learn at all. Our little focus group has a mission of exploring hypnosis
and rope bondage, but it’s in danger of going away if I don’t commit to
being more than a beginner at rope.
And I thought why should I? In the last week I got to show off
hypnosis in front of a couple of groups of people, and it was easy and I
got praise. I got to feel like a badass.
But really, people love the feeling of hypnosis, and my partners and
their powerful imaginations (and fetishes!) are making the magic happen.
If everyone knew how easy it was, if hypnosis was even a fraction of
how popular rope is - let alone something like classical music or Super
Mario speed runs! - my skills would be seen as mediocre at best. The
fact that it feels easy is not really a good sign.
There’s a few things I think I’m right on track with: Working with
first timers. Consent conscious negotiation. Some twisty evil scene
ideas. Intimate, unhurried scenes with highly motivated and imaginative
people. Engineering positive environments for other people to get their
hypnoplay on.
But I can feel myself getting cautious with my abilities, as though
they are flimsy and wouldn’t stand up to bending or stretching. I’m not
watching instructional videos, even ones recommended to me by friends.
I’m not reading a book at the moment, and I’m not going hunting for new
sources of ideas in various corners of the internet (e.g. reddit,
discord). I’m writing less - certainly not keeping up the detailed logs I
did at the beginning. Although I hypnotize people several days a week
(usually khatsha!) I don’t do hours of hypnosis a week. I’m not
following around hypnotists I admire and studying what they do - in fact
I’m a bit avoidant and intimidated.
And in particular I’m not doing deliberate practice on specific
skills, the kind of practice everyone agrees is necessary for real
mastery, like Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 hours. There are plenty of
skills I could use work on. I don’t have a decent hypnotic handshake -
I’m often out of my body and not good at using it in general. I’m
lacking in almost all the skills that stage hypnotists and street
hypnotists have, such as speed, showmanship, and quickly getting
attention and rapport. I’m not very fluent - I pause a lot, and have a
rough time with intricate wordplay and random confusing nonsense. My
voice could be improved a ton. I’m not great at asking people to play.
I’m still often so freaked out just to be doing hypnosis with someone
that I think I don’t truly connect with them and stay in the moment,
give them my authentic self.
I’ve hit a wall that’s all too familiar, when I start to get kinda
good at something, enough that my ego gets tied up with my competence.
The fear arrives: what if you’re not that good?? What if you’ll never be
good? You’ve put so much of yourself into this - wouldn’t it be better
just to not to find out? To just keep having “potential”?
On another, more legitimate note, do I really want to make hypnosis
about achievement and skill building? This is my sex life. And this is
my play: this is about spontaneity and joy and silliness and ridiculous
science fictional scenarios. This is my submissive hypnotized to blow me
at a single command. This is living the dream. Why should this be work?
Here’s why. I think there’s something there, over that hill: a chance
to be part of building something that has never actually existed
before, in the form of large-scale hypno community and high level
hypnosis skills. A chance to be one of the best in the world at
something, however tiny the pond.
Who gets that kind of chance? Besides
which, spontaneity, play and creativity are not the opposite of practice
and learning - take the examples of fiction writing, or improv comedy.
In those you practice and you learn to be able to play better, have a
higher hit ratio, go farther into it and sustain it. While still
striking out a lot of the time!
The only obstacle is this competency threat, this hangup that is such
typical baggage of being raised male. Especially the stirrings of
competitiveness, which is so useless: what this is really about is
getting to the point where I can jam with the greats, tops and bottoms
and switches, have so much fun, be wide open to learning, make so many
memories and invent new things together, expand the playground together
and fill it with toys.
So that’s why it feels great to say: I’m not very good at hypnosis! I kind of suck! (And I really suck at rope!) But who cares? There’s specific things I want to do differently, now that I’ve
gotten here, but basically I’m going to be a doofus and work and put the
time in, just for its own sake. Just for the pleasure of seeing myself
growing, for the new territories that open up, and to get to watch other
people growing too. This erotic hypnosis thing is going to be big,
people. This is going to be bananas. I’m going to be there.
Last week was the enormous Fetish Fair Fleamarket
near Providence, Rhode Island, one of the biggest gathering of
kinksters on the planet. This year it nearly didn’t happen, with the
entire governing board of the parent organization NELA resigning just
weeks before the event, but it rose from the ashes of that
consent-report-handling scandal thanks to some people working their ass
off, and I’m sure glad it did.
For hypnokinksters in particular, it had a bunch of neat classes by @theleeallure and @hypnoobiwan, and the Hypnosis Lounge on Sunday, organized by me and @khatsha.
Hypno people are a cheap date - all we really needed was a bunch of
chairs in a large room, but we also had a bunch of wonderful swirling
lights, supplied by @tell-a-hypnostory, snacks, and a hypno tent by @digitalswitchgamine (based on @khatsha’s brilliant insight that “hypnosis people are often claustrophiles”).
Over
the six hours, according to the count of our greeters, 150 people
visited!! That’s the size of NEEHU, holy crap! Besides promotion at the
classes, I credit @orchid-girl’s amazing poster and flyer, which we placed everywhere we could. And of course the coming hypnowave in BDSM.
My
favourite part about the lounge is how kinksters walk right in all day,
hoping to learn about hypnosis and maybe have a hypnotic experience. We
had some wonderful hypnotist volunteers, very keen and very slutty, and
that includes me. I tranced 6 or 7 people, which was nothing compared
to @tell-a-hypnostory, @ragezdasta, @hypnoobiwan and @digitalswitchgamine,
who were absolute machines. In the end I think almost everyone went
away satisfied - and more than one with their hypnofetish mutant gene
newly activated! Many lovely and hot experiences with people, including
making someone feel like they were breathing the atmosphere of Venus. I
think my favourite moment though was when I hypnotized someone who was
interested in switching, and then hooked her up with @khatsha for her
first experience on the topping side. She did great, and besides the
voyeuristic thrill, I got warm fuzzies seeing her imitate the very
lengthy, careful negotiation I did with her.
Not everything went perfect - for one thing, the projector we had showing a spiral movie on the wall (specifically HX: 01)
switched to showing my wedding video. I had to interrupt a scene real
quick for that! And next year we clearly need more space, and more hours
- a hypnolounge should not have the noise level of a high school
cafeteria, or be so packed there’s a danger of floating arms smacking
people nearby. We also need more stuff for people hanging around to do.
Maybe we’ll have the hypno viewmaster set up next year for gif ratings.
Finally, we didn’t do that well with connecting volunteer bottoms with aspiring
hypnotists, which surprised me. Something else to figure out.
I love the flea, with the wild outfits in latex and leather (this year I didn’t dress up as Kylo Ren)
and the feeling of absolute freedom and acceptance, but the lounge
experience was unmissable. We are grateful to everyone who came, and
especially to our amazing volunteers, including @undersleeper and @yoshibound
and @sageturtle. After six hours we all lay around as exhausted and
happy as the villagers after the clambake in the song from Carousel I’m
referencing in the title (only @diaryofasnowflake got that). Although the actual song that was playing was Closing Time by Semisonic - no thanks to @digitalswitchgamine there.
And
then we hopped in cars and drove back to Boston for another 3 hours of
hypno fun at the reboot of the NEHG Study Group. That part was insane
but I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
and if you’re a hypnofetishist, you should too. It’s
objectively no more ridiculous and inexplicable than getting turned on
by a swinging pocketwatch. With a different roll of the dice, all of us
could have easily been furries too.
One of my best friends is a furry, and only found the courage to tell
me after I told him about my hypnosis thing, after three years of
working in the same tiny office together.
One of my favourite people I met at Charmed is a furry, and told me
there’s a universe of hypnosis interest and innovation in that community
that most of us have no idea about. The two of us will be collaborating
on a project.
If your argument for stigmatizing people is “actions by specific
furries are terrible,” or “furry culture is gross and busted in certain
ways”, think about what you’re saying. Hypnofetishists are responsible
for terrible things, and our culture is gross and busted in certain
ways. (there was also an excellent post I can’t find about how furries
support and respect visual artists in a way that almost no one else in
our culture does - here’s an equivalent New York Magazine article)
I know that some people are bothered by furries wearing their outfits
in public, but like lots of other public expressions of sexuality and
identity this hopefully can be navigated with mutual respect and
tolerance - it’s not clear to me why it would fall into a different
category than say age play, nudity, or the sometimes intense
consensual-nonconsent scenes that can be seen around hypnocons.
I support furries and I want them to feel welcome in the hypnokink community.
That morning you opened the fridge and saw a tomato sitting on the top shelf, at the front.
Something brushed across your mind about that tomato. But you shook it off, and bent down to get the almond milk.
Two more times that morning that tomato was there, right in front of you, and you felt troubled. But only for a moment.
Then, towards noon, you found yourself checking the clock regularly.
When you saw that the time had passed 12, you were sitting cross-legged on the couch in the living room and you realized there was something you had to do. "Just after I finish this important email," you told yourself. But you found your body standing up by itself. "Ok, I guess this is happening."
As you walked to the kitchen, your brain let you remember what I whispered in your ear last night, in bed, when you were deep in trance: That at noon, you would be compelled to go to the fridge and eat an entire raw tomato.
Knowing this, you tried to stop your body. You tried to turn around. But you were in the grip of a compulsion. You could feel how helpless you were compared to its power, like a giant powerful hand was moving your limbs.
You opened the fridge again and took out the tomato. Your heart was pounding. The first bite was the worst. Cold and squishy. But every other bite was also the worst.
"He didn't make me like raw tomatoes," you thought. "He didn't make it taste like something else." Instead, there was your arm, your jaw, your tongue, your swallowing muscles, all of them under my remote hypnotic control, forcing you to keep eating that tomato.
When did you start crying? Was it when you realized you were only halfway through, and there was so many more bites left?
Or was it when you thought you were finished - it was gone - but the compulsion riding in your head, that I put there, made you look at your fingers, see the pulp and seeds left on them, and lick them off.
Then it was over. Your muscles were back under your control.
You were a mess. You still had the taste in your mouth, even after rinsing it with water.
You messaged me on Whatsapp. You told me how much it sucked, and how wet it made you.
“Please, just block him. Or at least unfollow. This is not healthy.”
“No, I can’t.” she says, “It’s like my thing with spiders. I have to know where it is.”
There’s a new creepy weird guy in the Boston scene, and unfortunately my wife got on his radar, for a little while anyway. He went to a munch and afterwards messaged every person who he exchanged even one word with, including her, asking them to come to his new year’s party, which will take place in a motel room. “I just want to have a good new year’s!” he wrote.
When I say weird, I mean socially “off”, awkward, uncomfortable - which also describes half my favourite people. But then there’s the creepy part: acting like they are entitled to women’s attention, appearing to not see them as people, being very persistent and not taking implicit and explicit “no"s - or if they do respond, responding badly.
Of course many creeps don’t seem weird, in fact have great social skills, and they are the truly dangerous ones perhaps. But there’s always a few seriously creepy and weird guys floating around the scene - including a really bad one with the initials JC a couple years ago - and there’s something most of them share that I find particularly unsettling.
That aspect is these statements of, "I’m here to make friends!!” and “I’m all about love and positivity!” and “I just want to be nice to everyone!” Complete with lots of smileys. Many hopeful and positive messages on many groups, and under many women’s pictures.
But then as soon as things don’t go their way, it flips around, like the face of the mayor in Halloweentown, and they dump rage and self pity everywhere. Suddenly everyone is cruel and against them. Everyone is spreading lies.
My wife and her friend notified the munch organizers of the private messages, resulting in a gentle warning to this guy. Who responded with four long, butthurt paragraphs posted separately within minutes of each other on the munch thread.
What makes me unhealthily fascinated with these guys is that they do what I do, just really badly. That is, they cover up their yearnings and lusts and craving for affirmation with a happy social face. And they get disappointed and frustrated, when people don’t behave as they want. The difference is, I recognize that other people are just as real as me, and that the possibility of disappointment is part of that. And my social persona is way more convincing, and my disappointments and frustrations way better hidden. Reading their creepy timelines is close to comedy, and it’s close to horror - two genres that let us externalize our churning, unacceptable inner urges.
Of course it’s not funny, because there’s a threat: at the least, a threat of more creepy private messages, and maybe an escalation of bothering people at public munches, or at creepy events they create that naive people might respond to.
And when the tone of their posts begins to trend towards rage and grievance, the second face taking over, me and my wife both see the possibility of a much greater threat. I keep reminding her that the likelihood of violence is very small (even in America!). But on the rare occasions when something horrible does happen, I bet this is the pattern we see leading up to it.
This guy hasn’t yet done anything bannable according to the rules of the munch! And yet I find this pattern, of raging out immediately when things don’t go his way, to be such an enormous, frightening red flag.
Can you really ban people just for red flags? I don’t know. But if you don’t react well to criticism, especially the specific criticism that you’re creeping people out, you belong at the top of the list of people to watch very carefully.
I just put @khatsha to bed after our first christmas dinner
together and my heart is very full. (just as my stomach is full with bad
delivery Chinese food) Just now she said, “that was pretty crazy right?
Getting married without ever having lived together?” And I said “Yeah!”
We both took an enormous risk, her even more than me in her move across
the Atlantic, to be together.
And yet I never felt serious
doubt. And I don’t think she did either. And today, my day off in
Boston, played out just how I hoped and imagined such days: the hours of
intimate conversation, the cuddling, the partnership in making plans
(”later on, we’ll conspire / as we dream by the fire”), the making fun
of mullets in the Band Aid video, and the hot spontaneous hypnosis and
D/s scenes.
In the meadow we can build a snowman
And pretend that he is Parson Brown
He’ll say are you married, we’ll say no man
But you can do the job when you’re in town
I
hate the censored version of Winter Wonderland - what, are we afraid
the little kids are going to have sex after they play marriage? - and am
shocked and dismayed that Annie Lennox chose to sing it. Like why is
changing it to “a circus clown” less threatening? And what child refers
to other children as “kiddies” - a word exclusively used by grownups
that hate children?
But I also actively like the original verse,
the ambiguous time distortion of it: playing wedding in the meadow, and
then one day looking around and noticing you’re married for real. That’s
a little what this feels like, like a game of “let’s pretend” that just
keeps going, with the best possible playmate.
Because we get to
make it up. Marriage gets very very serious at times, and sometimes I
get vertigo realizing what the stakes are, but it’s overwhelmed by the
freedom of building something together like we want. Because the plans
that we made don’t end at living together: they are also about building
our adult lives, and even more specifically Boston hypnosis community,
and so many good things are already happening in both departments.
This
is already too long of a late night Kwak-fuelled ramble. But I’m just
so pleased and grateful. Merry early christmas to all christmas
celebrators, and I love you @khatsha.
“My cock is coated with a sweet, delicious substance - it tastes a
lot like coffee cream - that replenishes itself as you lick it,
especially around the tip, and makes you want to lap it up more and
more.
The coating also contains a drug. The more you consume, the
more this drug will make you heavy and sleepy, with warm relaxed
muscles. Ready for bedtime and ready to sleep for real.”
For a
while she had her usual enthusiastic head-bobbing up and down on my
cock. Then she slowed down, became very deliberate. But still regular.
After a while she propped herself up on her elbow.
Her head sunk down
until it reached the bed.
I snapped.
“Wide awake, energized and caffeinated. How are you?”
“…Good! Fuzzy.”
“Are you actually ready for bed, and is it ok with you if I put you to sleep tonight that way?”
“Yes!”
“Ok, then the coffee cream is back…” *snap*
And then I used her blowjob compulsion trigger.
This
time when her head drifted onto the pillow, face getting nice and
relaxed, I helped her out. I wrapped my hand in her hair and fucked her
mouth, knowing that each time I went into her mouth her half-asleep mind
would taste the drug and each time she would be pushed closer to sleep.
Even
as her head lay on the pillow, her mouth had some muscle tone at first,
letting me feel the friction. Then her mouth went slack.
I pulled
all the way out. “That’s ok. It’s sleepy time, ready to let go
completely and go to sleep for the night, only waking up in the morning
or if there’s something you need to attend to during the night.”
Her breathing became slow and regular. And I stroked her hair and nestled in beside her, to begin to drift away myself.
khatsha and I were the organizers of the hypnosis lounge at the Fetish Fair Fleamarket 50. Based on very disturbingaccounts
of the NELA board’s handling of a presenter accused of consent
violations and his accusers, we don’t believe that the organization has
the credibility at this point to effectively protect attendees or deal
with consent issues that may arise. Therefore we just sent an email
saying that we will not volunteer at or attend the Flea.
Update: The entire board has now resigned, and a transitional board consisting of veterans including my favourite erotica writer Cecilia Tan is now in charge. This is great news. We'll see what happens, but if they are interested in having a hypnosis lounge at this year's Flea, katsha and I are very willing to run it.
Another update: We have heard from the new organizers and we will be
running a hypnosis lounge at the Flea! Hope you come to visit, even if
you're only a little bit curious.
Minutes after I reblogged @ellaenchanting's great critical roundup about NLP on Tumblr, a stranger started messaging me on there:
So many thoughts are running through my mind! Like that was quite the plot twist at the end! But also his initial messages really reminded me of something…
There’s a certain type of dude who, when there’s a lot of conversation about consent and consent violations, gets really really pretend scared. “I’m so scared!” they say “In the current climate, if I open a door for a woman, she could accuse me of harassment! I’m afraid to say anything! I’m deprived of oxygen, for political correctness has truly boxed me in!”
Here’s my message to them and to all of us men: you should be afraid.
Why did Louis CK, Weinstein, Spacey, Tambor, Rattner, Toback, and all the others soon to be named do all those sexual assaults? Because they were not afraid. They judged that their power, fame, wealth and sheer old-white-manhood, would protect them.
And they were totally right!
For YEARS there were no consequences. They kept making movies and tv shows, and kept assaulting people!
And now the checks are all coming. Brave women and men have told their stories in numbers powerful enough to finally convince all but the biggest assholes. These famous careers are getting blown apart in front of our eyes, hopefully permanently (although white manhood has historically carried with it an astonishing amount of second chances)
And let’s hope the message filters down into everybody’s day to day lives. This shit is not going to stand any more.
Although crippling social anxiety is a bad thing, fear and wariness are your friend when it comes to not assaulting people.
Most importantly it should motivate you to learn. Learn about women’s experience of assault and how it doesn’t necessarily look like how you expect (for example, many people freeze up). Learn explicit consent and get fucking good at it. Learn how explicit consent isn’t enough: learn about structures of power and how they can let you mask even to yourself how little someone is free to say no. Learn to err on the side of not assaulting.
And know, deep down, if you prey on people, eventually your house will fall down.
And because of these serial predators, and how it’s never just one victim, young women and other vulnerable groups are talking amongst themselves and getting less and less tolerant of behaviour that has that flavour - the assault-adjacent, mild creeping and sexism that used to be considered the cost of admission if you are a woman. The bar is moving for what constitutes a fuckup, in a way that is no long controlled by older white men.
And if you fuck up, in a way that is not clearly a one time thing, you will get shitcanned. You will get kicked out of the community and have no access to kink. And this will happen to me if I get sloppy and inattentive about consent or start treating people like things, and it will happen to you. This is how it should work.
"SLEEP. That's right, nice and deep, all the way down, just like that. Relax and open your mind to receive new programming.
Have you ever walked into a room with the intention of doing something, and then you can't remember what it was? That feeling like having a word right on the tip of your tongue, except instead of a word it's something you were just about to do, but you were interrupted right before you could do it?
Just for the next little while, just until you leave this room, whenever I say the words, 'What was it?' you're going to have that same feeling - that searching, frustrated feeling, like there was something you were about to do, something you wanted to do, something you decided to do, but you can't quite remember what it was. And the more time passes, the more frustrating that feeling gets. Until I suggest the thing that you were about to do, and you'll have that wonderful, beautiful feeling of relief flooding your body and your mind as you realize, that's it, that's the thing I was about to do, that I wanted to do, that I decided to do, I just forgot. And you will rush to do that thing you were about to do just before you were interrupted.
And that will happen each and every time I say the words 'What was it?'
Let that sink in fully as you rise up, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
Hi."
"Hi."
She looked up at him, both sitting cross-legged on the bed.
"How do you feel?"
"...Good. Fuzzy."
"I guess I brought you up pretty fast. But you feel nice and energized now, ready to do stuff."
"Yeah."
"Which is good because you were just about to do something before I so rudely dropped you. What was it?"
Her eyes widened, and she frowned.
"I was? Yes... there was something..."
Her eyes flitted around the room, and she squirmed on the bed.
"I'm sure there was something you wanted to do right before. You can't remember?"
"No... but... what..."
"I know, you were going to make out with me."
Her brow cleared, and a big smile crossed her face.
"Yes!!"
And she leaned in and started making out with him.
"Mmmm, yes, but there was something else you were going to do. Mmm. What was it?"
"There was?"
She leaned back and looked troubled.
"You were going to sing me I'm A Little Teapot, with all the gestures!"
"That's it! That's what I was going to do!"
She sang the song, complete with all the gestures.
"I remember now," she said, "I wanted to sing it to you because I thought maybe Canadians didn't hear that song growing up."
"Well you did a very lovely version. Thank you for teaching me that. But there was something else. What was it?"
"There was? There was."
"You were going to kneel down and kiss my feet."
"I was?"
"That's what you were about to do."
"I told you that?"
"Well no, but I could tell that's what you wanted to do."
"It doesn't seem like something I would do, but I do feel this urge to kneel down and kiss your feet!"
"Don't you remember? It's what you were about to do, what you wanted to do, what you already decided to do. I say just go with your gut."
And then she did. She knelt down on the bed and kissed his feet. Tentatively at first, and then with relish.
"Now doesn't that feel better? You shouldn't fight your instincts. Come on back up here."
And they lay on the bed and made out.
"Oh, I just saw something cross your mind that you wanted to do, but you got distracted. What was it? You wanted to fondle my crotch!"
And she did.
"What a relief! Doesn't it feel great to remember what it is you were about to do, and not be stuck in that frustrating state, trying to figure it out?"
"Mmmhmmm. But you're doing something. You're making me want to do something and then forget it. Right?"
"Nope, that's not it at all. But I think you're too fractionated to understand, even if I was going to tell you. Speaking of which, there was something hypnosis-wise you were about to do, wasn't there? What was it?"
This time she whined a little.
"You were about to fall into a deep hypnotic trance!"
Her eyes slammed shut, and she lay there peacefully.
"And WAKE UP."
She blinked and looked around.
"So forgetful today! Good thing I'm here to help. Hey, remember that conversation we had earlier? About how you fantasize about handing over the keys to your mind, and letting someone else drive for a while, just giving up all control?"
"Yeah?"
"Just now you told me you were about to do something about that. What was it?"
He let it build until she was rolling back and forth and pulling on her hair. "Mmph! Why can't I! Ugggh..."
"You were about to hand me the keys to your mind! That is, give me complete control over your body and mind. You were going to mime it."
She had relaxed, but there was still a little frown. "Mime it?"
"Yes, pretend to put the keys into my hand. I thought that seemed a bit silly, but that's what you were about to do!"
