A dom role model for me is Alex Horne from Taskmaster. For real.
He doesn’t resemble anything you’d see on the cover of a BDSM paperback, either in form or manner: he seems completely unassuming, and often affects that he’s just there to help. But he is in fact the orchestrator of the labyrinth the contestants find themselves in - he is the one whose plan directs their furious activity, and he enjoys that. They often try to tease him, but when it comes to the rules of the games, the mild mannered englishman suddenly becomes a steel wall: “All the instructions are on the card”.
So this is very different than the dominant who commands obedience by sheer force of will and presence, and also from the “daddy dom” whose vibe is more nurturing. I was tempted to call what I’m talking about the “puppetmaster”, “mastermind” or “manipulator”. But these are not quite right, because they imply deception and coercion, which isn’t what I’m going for. The gamemaker offers an experience that you volunteered for - and then feel a slight (exciting) pit in your stomach wondering if you’re really up for this.
Again, that dom might not seem that dominating on the surface. They might act like the scientist at the control panel, pretending not to be getting aroused but just insisting that you go to the next test unit. They might be faux sympathetic: oh I’m sorry, I know it’s hard, but you can do this! They might just be whistling in the corner as their grand design plays out and it becomes your entire world for a little while.
When I say game, it doesn’t have to be a complicated, Mousetrap-esque plan that takes weeks to plan (though those can be fun!). Another big role model is Sean from Hot Ones, who pretends to be just a buddy, as the inexorable structure of his show compels the famous person to answer questions through higher and higher levels of pain. That’s a game. (on a very similar note: hysterical literature]
Sometimes I do make an elaborate plan, but most of my favourite games in the hypnokink realm are equally simple. For example: you start out defiant but your arousal keeps growing until you inevitably beg to be allowed to come. You desperately want to touch yourself but a hypnotic suggestion has paralyzed you. We’re having a wrestling match but you’re drugged, and keep getting sleepier and weaker. It’s all in your mind, but for as long as you consent, those game conditions are real.
But there are many wonderful equivalents by my colleagues in other kinks, e.g. predicament bondage. Anything that involves artificial restrictions, challenges, puzzles, impossible choices. In every case, though it’s a simple mechanism, we’ve wound it up, and it’s delicious to watch it go, and you go through it, exactly like we planned. (though some of the best games were co-designed with the bottom!)
Other examples of this archetype that come to mind, in no particular order of (pretend) wickedness: Sam Reich, Johnny Knoxville, GlaDOs, Jigsaw, Jareth the Goblin King, Roberta Williams who invented King’s Quest, Q from Star Trek. If any of those have turned you on, you might enjoy playing with a gamemaker.
What is the making of a gamemaker? Well you probably loved stories, probably had at least a shortlived fascination with stage magic, probably have at least tried DMing (in the D&D sense). (You might have had a period, hopefully long ago, of being an insufferable "debate me" atheist) There might be a fascination with technology, making the bytes or the gears dance the way you want. The common thread is mental domination. Your mind is controlling the situation, and this might mean commanding someone’s attention and taking over their reality - but without the element of bullying, or winning in a struggle.
All that said, gamemaker is not all of who I am as a dom: sometimes I just want to pounce, or order someone around. But I would say at least half the time I have sex with my spouse there is some kind of hypnotic game involved - either an old favourite, or one I just came up with that day, sometimes while daydreaming during a boring meeting. Some people crochet; a hobby for me is weaving webs that I hope you will be happy to be trapped in.
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