Glasses Are Hot

Warning: male gaze objectification comin’ up.

I would love to have the superpower of seeing anyone’s late night porn search keywords. Is there any time when we’re more honest about what we really desire?

For me, 99% of the time “hypno” would be in there, but “glasses” is also a keyword I have searched. Glasses are really hot.

What’s relevant to my fetish?

1. They’re stylish.
2. They suit her face and personality.
3. She needs them.

Oh yes, 3: there’s plenty of glasses porn out there, but it actually bums me out if I see that the lens aren’t refractive! (even more so if the same pair is being used by models in different videos!) I demand myopia! Or, failing that, presbyopia! Is it that the hint of helplessness is cute?

This is all just an excuse for me to perv, so let it begin! In vaguely chronological order!

Jeanine Melnitz
Goddamn this 80s lady has pizazz. I just know she goes dancing, and has a great dating life totally separate from her work, as well as lots of buddies in the 80s NYC avant garde art scene.

Jet Girl
Soulful and badass! She needs another movie.

Lisa Loeb
Yeah a lot of us there in the 90s were activated by this video.

Scully
*Gulp*
Let’s keep moving.

Tina Fey
Super obvious but essential. Her looks are very nice, but her big, hard joke-brain is the sexiest thing. I’ve read her book 28 times at least - literally no one cares more about making the perfect joke than she does.

10 years later, subtly different glasses, still rocking it hard.

Hope Davis as Joyce Brabner (American Splendor)
Pretty much my sexual ideal. Achingly smart and passionate. I can watch their first date scenes over and over.

Felicia Day
Ok, yes, but I feel manipulated. Stiiiiill does it.

Zooey Deschanel
Ugh, I hate me. You can probably tell exactly my age from this crush.

Edna Mode
Passionate! Daring in her style choices! These are some sexy pixels. She has some stories to tell from the 70s.

Daniel from Stargate
I’m straight but I’m not narrow.

A lot of these glasses are 90s-style thin wire frames, I’m noticing. Is this nostalgia, or is the wave of revival coming, such that they are starting to look good again for real?

Daniel from Stargate
As a teenager I literally took this picture to my barber.

It was still the 90s!

Mr. Peabody
Oh, hello.

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Here’s an irony: 10 years ago I had laser eye surgery. Primarily for cosmetic reasons. And I don’t regret it!

And yet! You will be sexier to me if you wear glasses. Taking them off for sex makes you look even more naked, and possibly vulnerable. But leaving them on is even better.

I think all explanations of fetishes are a lie. Usually it’s just there. But I’m sure my glasses fetish has something to do with me projecting combined qualities of braininess and stylishness. Women with a rich specific inner life - who I could talk about books with - but who have also put a few XP into aesthetics and their feminine mystique.

My new wife is all those things, and she wears huge, super stylish glasses, like a fashion designer or a famous writer. They’re so vivid that when she takes them off it’s almost like her eyes go with them, like a cartoon character. So basically she makes me ridiculously happy, and horny all the time.