Don't Delay Pleasure

I keep coming back to this thought during quarantine, which is damn, I'm glad I did all those orgies! Do you know, that my birthday in February turned out to be basically four days of group sex? So much fun that people other than me are looking back fondly on it as the last hurrah (for now)? I tell you that not just to brag, but because it's starting to seem like a dream.

Man did we throw some great just-because hypnotic play parties too. Tons of people, with themed refreshments, and propositions, and lingerie, and cuddle piles. With public hypnosis scenes so hot the room goes quiet to watch, with cries of orgasm or pain coming from two bedrooms at once, with 2 AM group trances. And just as sweet, pancakes and sleepy chitchat on a Sunday, hanging out deep into the afternoon with the overnight guests. Hard to believe it now that it's been 75 days since anyone but me and khatsha has crossed our welcome mat.

And yet before every single party, after five hours of cleaning and preparation, with 20 minutes to go, khatsha and I would always turn to each other and go, "I hate this. This was a bad idea. Is it too late to cancel??"

Lots of types of pleasure are a major pain in the butt to make happen. And even the ones that aren't, I still have a tendency to hesitate and second guess, like I'm going to save this till later, like maybe till I earn it. I'm the type to throw away half a bag of grapes because I let them go soft, saving them, rationing them, for what?

Then I'm thinking about the dorky, anxious, exuberant, creative, bitchy, caring world of erotic hypnosis conventions. I've been going to at least three per year, for years, and expected that to continue indefinitely. Who knows what's going to happen there? But I'm sure glad for every single one I bought plane tickets to, booked hotel rooms, and braved the social anxiety gauntlet to show up.
A lot of this I had to struggle with, maybe from my upbringing that says to beware of self-indulgence and frivolousness. "Don't delay pleasure" isn't a message everyone needs to hear - for example John Belushi had that nailed - but I do.

Because these things are not worthless. They are the very serious substance of a life. Sadness and suffering, they take care of themselves. So do easy, homey pleasures (like most of the ones available right now). But the pleasures that take some effort and risk, I'm so grateful for every single one I went for. Those memories are unbearably precious - they are the sacks of coal that I stored up, that are keeping me warm in the current winter. And will too on through the deeper, harsher winter of old age. ("Yo, hey, Gen Z fella! Did I ever tell you about the six-on-one hypnotic pleasure overload scene we had in '19 or so??" "Only about a hundred times...") I hope there will be many more epic memories of kink and sex to stack alongside those, but right now I'm so glad I didn't put those off, or talk myself out of them.

The more urgent reason not to delay pleasure is that you can't count on things sticking around until you've worked up to it. They can disappear without warning. Often you don't know when your last chance was - I sure would have liked one more pint at the Galway before this all started. Or one more cheesy multiplex film at AMC Boston Commons, and go for the $9 popcorn. And of course where this applies most of all is to the people in our life. And our own health and capabilities.

No matter what choices I made in the past, the COVID 19 pandemic lies across all those alternate branching realities like a thick black Sharpie line. I'm glad for everything I didn't put off before we crossed into that darkness. And most of all for those pleasure-based decisions, all those times I chose something spectacular and scary over something easy and safe, that led me to meet and marry khatsha, so that now I'm quarantined with her in JP.

I'm in an incredibly lucky place in this crisis, and I want to be as useful as I can to others. I'm not just about the hedonism. But also, this is my resolution, as the lockdown eases and even before it eases: absent a good reason, if there's a person in my life I enjoy, or a treat I've been saving for a rainy day, or something great I want to set in motion, don't ration it out! Don't delay! I'll leave it to my mum's favourite quote from Jane Austen written more than 200 years ago, which inspired this: "Why not seize the pleasure at once? How often is happiness destroyed by preparation, foolish preparation!"

PS: This is not to be used against me in the future by any persons who might be in orgasm denial. You know that delay is for a reason.

Polyamory is Like a Jar of Natural Peanut Butter

A lot of people don't like to buy natural peanut butter. They think that it's too much because it has a layer of oil on the top - they think it's too messy. And the bottom too grainy. They'd prefer something with palm oil, maybe some icing sugar. Premixed.

They don't know how good natural peanut butter can be. All it takes is time, and care.

I start with the kind that's just roasted peanuts and salt, and store it upside down or on its side overnight, in the pantry. Many people make the mistake of refrigerating it at this point. But natural peanut butter doesn't work that way: it will only result in an impassable layer of congealed fat.

The next day, when the oil has migrated from the top a little, I open up the jar and stir it. I do this in the sink, with a knife rather than a spoon. I have paper towels nearby in case it spills into the threads or down the side during stirring. Which happens a lot. But the best things sometimes take a little cleanup.

Then I put it in the fridge. By the next day it has a smooth and consistent texture, that will last almost to the bottom of the jar, and as long as you store it in the fridge, it will never separate again.

And that's how you deal with a jar of natural peanut butter!

...

Polyamory? I don't really have a take on that, why do you ask?

Oh, the title! Man, I can see how that's misleading. I should really change it - I just wanted to tell you about the peanut butter.


In case it's not clear, this is a parody of a certain type of prolific FetLife essayist who loves a simile - if it put you in mind of one, that's probably who it is... or rather one of several I was thinking of. Also I sincerely wanted to share my peanut butter technique!

Class notes for: Once more with Feelings

 These are notes from the first time I presented this class, on January 18, 2020, at Charmed in Annapolis.

o   Content warnings, splash damage warning

o   I won’t be doing emotions from roleplay, and pure emotion

o   Suggestions, but not for me to do with khatsha today

o   Emotions are one of the easier things: they are naturally contagious, and naturally sticky. Also makes them hazardous to play with.

o   More about the what than the how. Only two tricks I know:

o   Visualization (imagining a time when you really felt it)

o   Dialing up intensity (you can always imagine one notch more)

Sheet 1 (least edgy)

·      Fear

o   Less edgy because somewhat understood in BDSM

o    Still needs tons of negotiation and aftercare

o   DEMO: Goggles

·      Submissiveness

o   DEMO: Subspace 10

·      Euphoria

o   Why I like the idea of control with non-sexual pleasure

o   DEMO: Face-slapping induces euphoria

o   Satisfaction of a job well done

·      Never use to modify emotions in a relationship

o   Bubblegum anecdote

·      Gratitude

·      Awe and surprise

o   Magic anecdote

o   Plot twist

o   Startle

·      Cosiness

o   Cosiness bondage story

o   Bedgasm

o   Hygge (Hoo-guh)

·      Calmness/emotionlessness

o   In combination with roleplay, layers of scene (“You are kidnapped, you should feel scared, but you are calm instead”). Making the calm feel natural or artificial.

·      Disgust

o   Special warning

o   DEMO: Slugs

Sheet 2 (edgier)

·      What you consider edgy emotions to play with differs a lot

·      Safer way to do edgy emotions: harmless memory, then magnify that

·      Sadness

o   Story about it going wrong

o   Nostalgia as a safer alternative? (“Come tastes like the best day of summer”)

·      Anger

o   What about defiance instead?

o   DEMO: Angry kissing

·      Cuteness

o   Anecdote of why it’s dangerous

·      Love

o   This seems very fucking edgy

·      Jealousy

o   I don’t know man

Sheet  3 (Weird)

·      Oddly satisfying

·      Enhancing emotions is easy

·      Alien emotions

o   DEMO: An alien emotions by telepathic link with k’s alien friend Jim.

Sheet 4 group brainstorm & storytelling

Class notes for Hypnotic Adversarial Memories: A Serious Reality Fuck

These are notes from the first time I presented this class, on January 17, 2020, at Charmed in Annapolis. You can also read about hypnotic adversarial memories in the form of a scene log on Fetlife or my blog.

Class description

Presenting a new technique, inspired by recent innovations in AI, that can obliterate the distinction between imagined experiences and reality, dilate or expand time, insert or erase memories, and leave your partner thoroughly and pleasantly fucked up. Divney will discuss the principles, take his partner through the different stages, demonstrate specialized aftercare, and interview her about the subjective impact.

Outline

·      Content warnings and recapitulated negotiation

o   Groping

o   Memory play

o   Derealization/dissociation

·      Introduction to the neural network concept

o   Generative adversarial networks. Ian Goodfellow 2014

o   “The coolest idea in machine learning in the last 20 years” Yann LeCun

o   Generator and discriminator. Generate synthetic images and identifying them.

o   Deepfake. Aging captain america, monet to van gogh transfer, zebras to horses. Synthesizing brand new faces.

·      Other inspiration

o   False memories. How they’re distorted with every access

o   Memory for repeated events

o   Déjà vu

o   Hypnotic time loops

·      Warnings about HAM

o   Negotiate sense of unreality. Very informed consent

o   Shitload of time to come back to reality

§  Looking out the window

§  Either or questions

§  Counting together and tapping

§  Being with them and breathing

·      Components of HAM

o   The first time I tried it. “I think that was much stronger than you intended it to be”

o   The loop

§  Things they perceive

§  Things they do

o   Alternating real and unreal

o   Making them as similar as possible, both during and as memories

o   Erasing or creating memories

o   Producing timelessness and unreality

·      HAM tips

o   Use the same exact language every time

o   Slow enough to notice details

o   Partner must trust you to get them back to base reality – no teasing

o   Multi-person loop

o   Get playful with it (not strict alternation)

o   Gradually shifting the loop, so that it ends in a different place but seems like it was always there

o   Might strengthen ability to make false memories

·      DEMO: the loop (all in trance)

o   Open eyes and look at the laptop

o   Hand back glasses to put on

o   Look to the exit sign

o   Tap forehead to say “Well, interestingly”

o   Snap fingers to drop back into trance

o   Repeat, alternating actually doing it and imagining doing it (sometimes mixing it up), 12 times

o   Grabbed breast twice, once while awake and once asleep

·      Extensive aftercare and questions