I have been to 4 NEEHUs, 1 Entranced, 1 Charmed, a Deepmind Darkwood,
3 Fetish Fleamarkets, 2 London Hypnosis workshops, and a number of
one-off hypno things in Europe. (I bet my colleagues at work would be
surprised to hear this!). Most of them I went to unpartnered, all as a
shy introvert.
I’m not good at going to hypnocons. But I’m better than I was. So here are my tips, customized for me and people like me. So not stuff that I hope came naturally to me, like “be polite and don’t treat people like objects”, and also not stuff that is literally impossible for me, like “don’t compare yourself to other people.” But maybe you need to be told a whole different set of things. Also, I don’t necessarily have great insight into what I’m doing right, or what I’m doing wrong. But I hope these help anyway!
Emotional and physiological chaos is normal. FOMO, envy, social anxiety, jealousy, disappointment, having to see exes, having to see people who creeped on you. If you think everyone else is having a perfect time and you’re the only one in distress, you are very wrong. Also, they will lie about it, by omission, in their blog posts afterwards (I do!) so for god’s sake don’t compare yourself to that. Physiologically, I’ve caught a cold for so many of these cons, and sleep deprivation, travel stress, sugar crashes and other things will give your body a nonsexy pounding. And folks with disabilities or chronic illnesses have even more to deal with. There’s no way to avoid some chaos, so just know that you can make wonderful memories in the midst of chaos! ALL IS NOT LOST. And take it easy on people, eh?
There’s a role for the new person. The hypno community is incredibly cliquey. It’s a natural consequence of hypno being a very rare kink, and one that requires a huge amount of trust. It takes years to build that trust. So be patient with yourself. If you do any pickup play with new people at all on your first con - and you’re not a young woman - you’re doing very well. But if you’re positive, genuinely interested in people, and obviously eager to learn, people will be extremely kind.
Learning to ask while not being gross is everything. There are many, many great guides to this online, as well as cautionary tales about what not to do, so all I’ll say here is look at it all as practice; be as bold as you are respectful; amazing things can happen just by asking in the right place at the right time; and as the great wristbands at Charmed said, “Ask first. Respect the answer.”
The greatness of your con is decided long before you hit the registration desk. The upside to my pitiful addiction to hypnotumblr is that I could put faces to tumblr names at the con. “Ah yes! I have enjoyed your pornography! And your curation of animated gif pornography!” This time was very aware that most people - flying in from everywhere from Vancouver Island to Manchester, England - are beginning and maintaining their relationships online between cons. At the moment the thing is Skype, Dischord and Snapchat groups, in addition to tumblr and fetlife. You don’t actually have to do any of that, but it helps – see, cliquyness, trust. And preparation in general: I half-assed Charmed and NEEHU this year, since I only decided to go to each at the last minute, and as a result they were a little flat (except for the presence of @khatsha at Charmed!) Actually read the schedule, make plans with people you know, check out other people’s wishlists and make plans with them, give yourself missions or sidequests.
Think about how to help other people have a great con. It’s a great way to take your mind off yourself and how you’re doing, and to be visible in the best possible way. If people are bored, have something for them to participate in. If something needs to get done, be the one to do it. I know two people who brought their cars just to ferry people around at two different cons, and made tons of friends, including sexy friends. Teaching or demoing for a class is best of course, but if not, volunteer, bring treats, join in activities. Get involved in every way you can.
Figure out who’s sleeping with who. For “sleeping with” substitute hypnotizing, playing with, or living with in a polycule in a creaky old mansion. And also, who used to be sleeping with who, who wants to be sleeping with who, who wishes they were still sleeping with who (don’t go around creepily asking these things of course). Otherwise much public behaviour will be baffling.
Figure out who’s assaulted or creeped on who. For the same reason.
Make your interests specific and public. I learned this from @khatsha, who asked for, and got, two incredibly intricate gender-bending interrogation scenes at her second ever hypnocon. She also wants to be hypnotized to be a raccoon, and I have no doubt, some day that will happen. (Maybe I’ll do it on our anniversary) At Entranced Dreamelf carried around an adorable decorated printout of her wishlist, and I believe she checked off every one. And one of those things was copied off my published wishlist, and I got to do it with her! It’s paradoxical, but being specific can be much more attractive than just wanting “any type of hypnosis with anyone”. As long as you’re unattached to any outcome, and sharing your fantasies rather imposing them, only good things can result.
Ask people what classes to go to. Some classes are way better than others, and it connects you with folks at least twice, once when you ask and once when you tell them how great it was.
Take a break before you absolutely have to. No class is unmissable, and recharging is often the most important thing you could be doing.
You don’t have to bring it style-wise, but it pays off if you do. A nice thing about hypno cons is that you can totally wear jeans and a t-shirt and it’s never a big deal. But ever since I got turned away at a Dublin kink club for not having a dungeon outfit, I’ve been determined to level up. I’ve been slowly collecting party clothes that are progress towards my vision of Hypnowave. (the coming overwhelming trendiness of erotic hypnosis, in music, fashion, art and pop culture, that we will ride until it spectacularly burns out and becomes a dated joke even faster than Vaporwave) Not only did I get a lot of compliments at Entranced, but everyone wanted to grope my shiny fuzzy blazer. If you are saying, I can’t find or afford party clothes, that blazer was $80 on Amazon. Last argument: I’ve noticed that on average the women are making more of an effort. If you have ambitions to trance with women who are in pretty corsets and great boots, shouldn’t you rise to the occasion?
Reject control, embrace chance and happenstance. Think of it as an improvisation, and say yes as often as you safely can. Many of the best memories will come from totally spontaneous group occurrences, often nothing to do with hypnosis. I remember being on an elevator at Charmed that was very full and someone started groaning sexually about how very full it was, and other people took it up, until we all orgasmed together as the doors opened on the con floor. A real “you had to be there“ moment I see as I type this, but I was there! On the flipside, plans fall through, unforeseen stuff comes up. Nothing is a sure thing.
Listen to emotions like curiousity, enthusiasm, affection, and lust.
Ignore emotions like lust for status, or desire for approval or acceptance.
Take a buffer day or three if you possibly can. See: above point about emotional and physiological chaos. I had to go back to work the day after Entranced, and it was horrible.
Stay in the game. Don’t bail. You might find yourself deep in your head, and ready to throw a pity party for yourself lasting till the end of the con. But things can turn around so fast! And even if they don’t, there will still be many beautiful little moments, of friendship and humour and sexiness and “this could only happen at a hypno con”. You can be ready for these moments if you keep your eyes open and your head up.
PS As I drafted this, two people have beat me to the punch with excellent advice sparked by Entranced 2017, and I highly recommend reading those too! Dommestic and dommesticpet
I’m not good at going to hypnocons. But I’m better than I was. So here are my tips, customized for me and people like me. So not stuff that I hope came naturally to me, like “be polite and don’t treat people like objects”, and also not stuff that is literally impossible for me, like “don’t compare yourself to other people.” But maybe you need to be told a whole different set of things. Also, I don’t necessarily have great insight into what I’m doing right, or what I’m doing wrong. But I hope these help anyway!
Emotional and physiological chaos is normal. FOMO, envy, social anxiety, jealousy, disappointment, having to see exes, having to see people who creeped on you. If you think everyone else is having a perfect time and you’re the only one in distress, you are very wrong. Also, they will lie about it, by omission, in their blog posts afterwards (I do!) so for god’s sake don’t compare yourself to that. Physiologically, I’ve caught a cold for so many of these cons, and sleep deprivation, travel stress, sugar crashes and other things will give your body a nonsexy pounding. And folks with disabilities or chronic illnesses have even more to deal with. There’s no way to avoid some chaos, so just know that you can make wonderful memories in the midst of chaos! ALL IS NOT LOST. And take it easy on people, eh?
There’s a role for the new person. The hypno community is incredibly cliquey. It’s a natural consequence of hypno being a very rare kink, and one that requires a huge amount of trust. It takes years to build that trust. So be patient with yourself. If you do any pickup play with new people at all on your first con - and you’re not a young woman - you’re doing very well. But if you’re positive, genuinely interested in people, and obviously eager to learn, people will be extremely kind.
Learning to ask while not being gross is everything. There are many, many great guides to this online, as well as cautionary tales about what not to do, so all I’ll say here is look at it all as practice; be as bold as you are respectful; amazing things can happen just by asking in the right place at the right time; and as the great wristbands at Charmed said, “Ask first. Respect the answer.”
The greatness of your con is decided long before you hit the registration desk. The upside to my pitiful addiction to hypnotumblr is that I could put faces to tumblr names at the con. “Ah yes! I have enjoyed your pornography! And your curation of animated gif pornography!” This time was very aware that most people - flying in from everywhere from Vancouver Island to Manchester, England - are beginning and maintaining their relationships online between cons. At the moment the thing is Skype, Dischord and Snapchat groups, in addition to tumblr and fetlife. You don’t actually have to do any of that, but it helps – see, cliquyness, trust. And preparation in general: I half-assed Charmed and NEEHU this year, since I only decided to go to each at the last minute, and as a result they were a little flat (except for the presence of @khatsha at Charmed!) Actually read the schedule, make plans with people you know, check out other people’s wishlists and make plans with them, give yourself missions or sidequests.
Think about how to help other people have a great con. It’s a great way to take your mind off yourself and how you’re doing, and to be visible in the best possible way. If people are bored, have something for them to participate in. If something needs to get done, be the one to do it. I know two people who brought their cars just to ferry people around at two different cons, and made tons of friends, including sexy friends. Teaching or demoing for a class is best of course, but if not, volunteer, bring treats, join in activities. Get involved in every way you can.
Figure out who’s sleeping with who. For “sleeping with” substitute hypnotizing, playing with, or living with in a polycule in a creaky old mansion. And also, who used to be sleeping with who, who wants to be sleeping with who, who wishes they were still sleeping with who (don’t go around creepily asking these things of course). Otherwise much public behaviour will be baffling.
Figure out who’s assaulted or creeped on who. For the same reason.
Make your interests specific and public. I learned this from @khatsha, who asked for, and got, two incredibly intricate gender-bending interrogation scenes at her second ever hypnocon. She also wants to be hypnotized to be a raccoon, and I have no doubt, some day that will happen. (Maybe I’ll do it on our anniversary) At Entranced Dreamelf carried around an adorable decorated printout of her wishlist, and I believe she checked off every one. And one of those things was copied off my published wishlist, and I got to do it with her! It’s paradoxical, but being specific can be much more attractive than just wanting “any type of hypnosis with anyone”. As long as you’re unattached to any outcome, and sharing your fantasies rather imposing them, only good things can result.
Ask people what classes to go to. Some classes are way better than others, and it connects you with folks at least twice, once when you ask and once when you tell them how great it was.
Take a break before you absolutely have to. No class is unmissable, and recharging is often the most important thing you could be doing.
You don’t have to bring it style-wise, but it pays off if you do. A nice thing about hypno cons is that you can totally wear jeans and a t-shirt and it’s never a big deal. But ever since I got turned away at a Dublin kink club for not having a dungeon outfit, I’ve been determined to level up. I’ve been slowly collecting party clothes that are progress towards my vision of Hypnowave. (the coming overwhelming trendiness of erotic hypnosis, in music, fashion, art and pop culture, that we will ride until it spectacularly burns out and becomes a dated joke even faster than Vaporwave) Not only did I get a lot of compliments at Entranced, but everyone wanted to grope my shiny fuzzy blazer. If you are saying, I can’t find or afford party clothes, that blazer was $80 on Amazon. Last argument: I’ve noticed that on average the women are making more of an effort. If you have ambitions to trance with women who are in pretty corsets and great boots, shouldn’t you rise to the occasion?
Reject control, embrace chance and happenstance. Think of it as an improvisation, and say yes as often as you safely can. Many of the best memories will come from totally spontaneous group occurrences, often nothing to do with hypnosis. I remember being on an elevator at Charmed that was very full and someone started groaning sexually about how very full it was, and other people took it up, until we all orgasmed together as the doors opened on the con floor. A real “you had to be there“ moment I see as I type this, but I was there! On the flipside, plans fall through, unforeseen stuff comes up. Nothing is a sure thing.
Listen to emotions like curiousity, enthusiasm, affection, and lust.
Ignore emotions like lust for status, or desire for approval or acceptance.
Take a buffer day or three if you possibly can. See: above point about emotional and physiological chaos. I had to go back to work the day after Entranced, and it was horrible.
Stay in the game. Don’t bail. You might find yourself deep in your head, and ready to throw a pity party for yourself lasting till the end of the con. But things can turn around so fast! And even if they don’t, there will still be many beautiful little moments, of friendship and humour and sexiness and “this could only happen at a hypno con”. You can be ready for these moments if you keep your eyes open and your head up.
PS As I drafted this, two people have beat me to the punch with excellent advice sparked by Entranced 2017, and I highly recommend reading those too! Dommestic and dommesticpet
